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In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya talk to "Theresa" about shifting attractions, being empowered through porn, sexual freedom as a turn on and putting fingers where they've never gone before.
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Kenrya: Today, we're talking to Theresa, a 42-year-old divorced executive living in the Northeast, whose pronouns are she/her. Hey, Theresa!
Kenrya: Thanks for coming on today.
Theresa: So happy to be here with you all.
Kenrya: We're happy to have you here and now we're finna get all in your business.
Theresa: All right, let's go get in.
Erica: Let's jump in. You're like, "Damn." When do you remember first masturbating?
Theresa: I would have been probably around six or seven-ish. Six or seven-ish. Probably around seven.
Erica: Okay, so what's your preferred technique? What was young Theresa's preferred technique? Sorry.
Theresa: There was a bear. Oh, there was a bear. Oh, when I think back, oh.
Erica: That bear got the business.
Theresa: He got the whole business. He was a big bear, if you think about the fact how an average seven-year-old would be at that height, and it was like one of those almost big ... Big bear.
Erica: I had a Minnie Mouse like that.
Theresa: Yeah, just big. It was just big enough to be my real friend, and it was thick. It was thick and it was white, and I could just hop on top of that bad boy and just go to town. Yeah. I don't know, who knows how people figure those things out, but once I did, it was like, "Me and this bear need some alone time."
Kenrya: I feel like a lot of time it's like accidental. We brush up against something and get a good feeling and be like, "Oh."
Theresa: Yeah, because you have the bear in a bed, you cuddle with the bear, and the next thing you know, you had a couple drinks and one thing leads to another.
Erica: That Tang got real crazy one night.
Theresa: Tang got to popping, and me and the bear were best friends. Yes. Yes. That's what I remember.
Kenrya: Does your bear have a name?
Theresa: Now here's the dumb thing. My mom would remember. We ain't going to ask her. We're not going to. We're not going to ask her.
Kenrya: Leave her out of this.
Theresa: It might have been Oscar, but it might not have been, and I would have to ask her to confirm, and I couldn't fix my face well enough to ask her the right way. We're just going to call it The Bear, yes.
Kenrya: Okay, cool. We're going to jump to another first. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
Theresa: Kisses were in kindergarten. Kisses would have been early years, like five, six. Maybe that's who Oscar was. Maybe he was in my kindergarten class. That's who it was. Yeah. Back in the day, and I don't know how old folks are, if you remember back in the day, which would have been the early '80s, light-skinned dudes was in. He was a little light-skinned dude in class. He was my little buddy. He had curly hair, and I thought he was cute. Kindergarten, that was my first little friend, first kiss.
Erica: Light-skinned niggas in the '80s got-
Theresa: Yeah, they got-
Erica: ... all the play.
Theresa: ... all the play. All the play. My mom even told me when I was younger, she was like, "You're going to grow out of that. Shoot. You going to grow out of that."
Kenrya: "You're going to experience more of the world."
Theresa: Yeah, my father's a dark man, and she's definitely a fan of the chocolate. She was like, "You'll grow out of it," and she was right. Of course, I appreciate the entire rainbow at this point. Yes, kindergarten, first kiss, Oscar, light-skinned bro.
Erica: You was watching “The Last Dragon” and shit like that.
Theresa: Come on now. The Last goddamn Dragon, Jesus Christ, everybody wanted Taimak.
Erica: He wasn't even really light-skinned, though.
Theresa: He wasn't.
Erica: He had that wavy-
Theresa: A little tan situation happening. Oscar was my little Taimak.
Erica: The question is, how old were you when you had a sense of your gender identity?
Theresa: Also very early. Very early, because what had happened was, and this is why we changed names, it's because it's my father's fault, God bless him. My parents will say that I came out loving pink and stuff and I was a girly girl. I don't really remember feeling that was a girl thing or something. I just remember I thought stuff was cute. I thought the Pink Ladies ... I grew up with “Grease 2” for some reason. “Grease” 1 was not in my household. “Grease 2” was the thing. The Pink Ladies had their little jackets and stuff, and I just remember really loving pink everything.
Theresa: The neighborhoods that my parents were able to find when I was young, first in the South and then in the Northeast, both times had girls that were my age and then boys that were my brother's age. I always had a good gaggle of girlfriends, but here's the thing. I found porn very early. My father is an immigrant, God bless him, and maybe not as keen on how to hide things.
Erica: [inaudible 00:05:45].
Theresa: He really hadn't put too much thought into where to put things. I remember finding not just magazines, but hardcover magazines, thicker, well produced.
Erica: He was like the good shit.
Theresa: I remember seeing these women who were ... They just looked like superheroes. They looked like, "Look at my shit. I'm about to fly into the sky with my legs wide open. I am the champion, and you will bow to me." I was like, "These women, this is some boss shit." I just thought that they were everything, and there were always men that were like, "Ah," and men were worshiping them. That's the way I saw it. I don't know, that's the way I saw it. Every time I saw something that was pornographic, I was like, "These women are clearly in control."
Erica: Bad bitches.
Theresa: Yeah, which is interesting given the dialog on porn now and how it's abusive to women and stuff. I'm like, "That's never been my experience with it." As soon as I saw it, I was like, "These chicks look they having a good time. They look hella satisfied with life." I remember identifying with that and being like, "Okay, cool. We got this."
Erica: "I found my tribe."
Erica: In these fancy ass magazines.
Theresa: Bust it open. Bet.
Erica: Tribe bust it open. I am a part of that tribe too.
Theresa: The bust it open tribe, early on.
Erica: Tribe bust it open. My bad, I was about to jump over you, Kenrya.
Kenrya: How old were you when you first started experimenting with other people?
Theresa: Eight. That first one, I'm just going to put it out there, listen, I know I'm not alone, the first little grind situation was a cousin. He was a cousin that might've been one year older.
Erica: Boy cousin? Girl cousin?
Theresa: Boy cousin. He was here in the country for a bit, didn't speak the greatest English at the time.
Erica: He was like what are y’all doing in the States.
Theresa: We ain't got really much to talk about. We were like-
Erica: Show and tell.
Theresa: We were the same age-ish, and yep, made use of the time. Made use of the time. I remember even before that, before we moved back North, I would play house. There would be that thing. The way I remember it, I was always hype about being rubbed up on. There was that, so house was always cool, because you'd get a little alone time under the covers and stuff. No, okay, I'm going back even further. There was a babysitter. There was a babysitter. Oh Jesus, it was all sorts of wrong, but there was also a female babysitter who was probably not in her right mind and used to ... I had an older brother. I think he used to get to touch on her. I think every once in a while she would be ... That's bad. Also playing house.
Erica: It's the truth.
Theresa: Little, which I thought was awesome. This is the thing. None of it struck me badly, then or now. I don't have traumatic memories about it. All of it just felt great. I feel like I always felt safe. I never felt like I wasn't safe or that I was confused about any of it. It always felt like I was in some way complicit, even though I'm sure legally things were wrong. Then it was playing house. Then it was my cousin when we moved back up here. I remember we would play little animals. We would be little lions, and then somebody would be sniffing somebody else's butt. Then the next thing you know, somebody would be grinding, humping somebody's butt. That was cool. That was the first. That was the start, was early.
Erica: I think it's interesting that you noted that you've always been okay with it and felt safe. Do you feel like that contributes to why you're so sex-positive today?
Theresa: Yes. It not only contributes to why I'm so sex-positive. It's why I feel passionate about helping other people, because I've recognized that if you can go through these things and come out okay, it means that it's possible to be okay. For people who aren't okay, it's helpful to see that there is a possibility of being okay. If you just think this happens to everyone and everyone is destroyed for life, then that's just your only option, but if you see that you can actually be okay after certain things, then hopefully that can help usher people. Even at my worst times, I've always felt very positive about the healing nature of sex and feminine power in sex. I've never felt not empowered. I've always felt good, definitely.
Kenrya: Can you tell us about your first time having actual partnered sex? How old were you? What was that like?
Theresa: Sure. My first oral, oral was first, a little boy went down on me. I was 10 when that happened. He had an older brother.
Erica: It took me niggas in ...
Kenrya: Man, I think I was 18 the first time I did oral, and it was a whole conversation, because we were so stigmatized by that.
Theresa: Oh now.
Erica: I feel like guys expect it, but it wasn't ... Good job.
Theresa: The first time I went down on a guy, I don't know how old I was. I must've been in college. I was probably in college. The first time a guy went down on me, we were both 10. He had a very much older brother who was telling him, "This is what you should do." I remember what panties I was wearing. I remember where I was. I was sitting on the steps in his house. It was great. Fast forward, the first time I tried to have intercourse, I was 13. The little boy I was with was too big. God bless him. He was a year ahead of me in school. I'd known him for a while. He was I think was the community first-time guy. He was
Kenrya: Breaking everybody in.
Erica: He's a mercenary.
Theresa: He had figured out how to get things going and was just going to go around to all my girlfriends and make sure that if we needed something, that we were looked after. He really tried. I was like, "I don't think this is going to work. Just looking at it, this looks like something that's not really smart and possible."
Erica: Y'all got the virgin mercenary
Theresa: God bless him.
Erica: ... take care of this job.
Theresa: Helped so many of us out. We all appreciate him. Then my first time actually ended up being a year later. I was 14. I had a boyfriend. I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. I was a cheerleader and he was a football player. It was all very cute. I remember it stinging a little bit. I remember feeling like, "Yeah. Bear down. This is going to feel good one day. This is great." I was just so happy to be with him. He was so patient and so concerned about whether or not I'm okay. I was like, "Yeah yeah, let's keep going. Let's push through. Don't give up. You can do it."
Erica: "You can do it."
Theresa: "You can do it." I was determined to not walk out of that room having not had sex. It worked out well. You know how we are at that age. Ain't nobody supposed to be in your house. I had to skip out of his house. It was in walking distance from my house. I skipped home, giggly-gooed.
Erica: When did you have your first orgasm with a partner?
Theresa: It must've been him, but I haven't locked that one away. I don't know. They just started happening. I honestly cannot remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. Good question.
Kenrya: What three words would you use to describe sex in your teens?
Theresa: In my teens? Sex in my teens. Sex in my teens, it was aight, if we're going to use that one word.
Erica: It was a'ight. That's three.
Theresa: A'ight. It was protected. It was confident. At the time, there was a behavior that I never really ... I was on the outside of things. I wasn't in-crowd growing up. I was already a weirdo outcast, child of an immigrant who couldn't jump double dutch or speak right. I talked like a white girl. There were a lot of things I think that were common thought that I just couldn't subscribe to, and one of them was, "Oh, so-and-so's been sleeping with all these people, they're a ho," or that sort of stigmatization. I didn't have that. I just felt like, I don't know, "If I want something, I don't see a problem with getting it." It was free in that way. It was confident. The sex comparatively I'm sure was just it was all right.
Kenrya: Then what three words would you use to describe sex in your 20s? Your face!
Theresa: Interestingly enough, I was married in my 20s. I was married. Sex was, early 20s, it was great, frequent, and then confusing. It was a transition. Things were great and they were frequent. Then during my marriage it really got confusing. That would be my first experience with if I were to call anything sexual trauma, that would be it, having to deal with my husband at the time. He not only was extra big, I had never experienced emotions complicating your libido. I couldn't figure it out. Of course we're all young at that point and he couldn't figure it out. "We used to do it all the time before we were married. How come we're not doing it now?" I'm like, "I don't know. It used to work and now it doesn't." It's just so weird in retrospect thinking back that that wouldn't have occurred to me, but of course when you talk to 20-somethings now, you're like, "You don't know shit about shit. Damn, you stupid!"
Erica: [inaudible 00:17:37].
Theresa: Because it just really didn't occur to me that my fear of this man and confusion about our relationship and disappointment about our relationship would have turned off my vagina. What? You like sex, you like sex. You should be able to at least like the sex part. My body was like, "No, bitch. No. We don't like him. You don't like him. I don't like him either." I'm like, "Oh, okay." It wasn't until long after I was out ... Actually, no, forget long after I was out. The day after I left, she woke up like, "We out, bitch! We out! Who's he, him? Them two, who are they?" I was like, "Oh, word. You're here? I didn't know. I thought you were dead. I thought I'd reached my peak and that it was time for retirement." She was like, "No, I just couldn't stand that nigga."
Kenrya: The body always knows.
Theresa: The body knows. The body knows. It's just again, the weirdest part about it was not realizing it in the moment that that's what it was. It does make me think about women now who are like, "I don't know what's going on." I'm like, "Damn." I remember being there and not realizing. The 20s were very complicated. It started out great and then it fell off. Then right before I turned 30 it picked up again.
Kenrya: Now let's move on to your 30s. How would you describe it?
Theresa: The 30s were a turn up. The truth of the matter is, yeah, the 30s were great. 30s are when I started having multiple orgasms. Multiples on multiples. I thought that that was a very nice gift. After my 20s I was like, "Okay."
Kenrya: “I deserve.”
Theresa: Thank you. I was like, "This is very kind of you, because honestly the 20s were a wreck. I spent my 30s, most of them, split between two long-term monogamous relationships. There was never a time I was in a relationship where I felt even an urge to be with someone else, which is interesting, because now I'm a lot more open. At the time it just wouldn't have occurred to me to think about multiple people or whatever. I was very comfortably in these relationships. The first one was with a younger man. He had a whole bunch of energy. I thought that was great. Everything was great great great. Sex was great great great. It was great. Then the second one was with another gentleman who was also great great. He was uncut. That was interesting interesting. I learned some things. You learn some things. You're like, "Oh, okay."
Erica: "Oh, a turtleneck."
Theresa: Yeah, "What is this? What's going on here?" The first time I saw it, I really was like, "What?" Because I don't think I'd even thought about uncircumcised penis. I got to know that. The sex was great. 30s was easy. There wasn't a lot of guessing going on. I knew who I was going to. It was good every time. 30s were fine.
Theresa: 30s were lit. 30s were lit.
Kenrya: What about your 40s?
Theresa: Oh my God, you know what's so funny? I'm thinking about the 30s like they were forever ago. I'm like, "I'm not even that old." I'm not even that old. Really I just covered the first half of the 30s. No, it's all been good. There was a couple of years where the sex was just ... Me and my life went sideways. The 30s were great. The 30s were when I really, like I said, the multiples came. 40s, still going. Still going strong. Sex has been great. I'll tell you this. Jeez. In the last seven years really, my sexuality has shifted, because prior to maybe 37, I had really only been with men. That's a strong really. I said that a little too hard. I'd been with a couple girls early on, but they don't count. They don't really count, because it was all like, "Wait, what's happening here?" I never really went after it. It wasn't until my late 30s that I started enthusiastically having sex with women too. I think it was always in some threesome situation. It was always like, "Oh, she cool that it's going down." Then I got to a point where I'm like, "How do I find you without this dude?"
Kenrya: Forget about the middleman.
Theresa: Just forget, yeah. "How do we cut out the middleman? Sis, how can I see you?" That got to be cool. That got to be really cool. I thought it was an interesting shift in my life. I didn't know what to do with, like, "Do I want to be in a relationship with a woman or is it just sexual?" My body's been doing great into my 40s so far. I'm horny all the time.
Theresa: All the time. All the time.
Erica: We like it. We like it.
Theresa: Turn up.
Erica: Tell us about a sexual experience that you remember fondly.
Theresa: Last week. No. All right. Honestly, okay, again, this, we got to ... I just recently, I've had so many great, great, great, great, great, great experiences. Threesomes have been great. Just recently was the first time a man allowed me to finger his asshole.
Theresa: Jesus holy hell fire. Come on. Dreams and goals. Goals in life! I really felt like, "Check this box! Yes!" Why? Why do I care? I watch a fair amount of male gay porn.
Erica: Me too.
Theresa: What I'm finding is, first of all, I love men. I love men. Just spiritually I love men. I think because I love anal play so much, I wish more men knew how great anal play was. That's weird. When I see men enjoying anal, I'm like, "That is everything I love in one video. All the things coming together." Being able to be with a man who understands that, without feeling like-
Erica: Is comfortable with that.
Theresa: Is comfortable with it.
Kenrya: Because it's deeper than just, oh, this sex act. It's all the things that come into play that allow him to be comfortable with you putting your finger in his booty.
Theresa: That comfort, man, that freedom is just such a turn on, man.
Erica: Listen. Her fingers. She's literally moving her fingers.
Theresa: All of you all. All of you all. All of you all. Knuckles deep, man. Knuckles deep, man. Honestly.
Erica: I love it.
Theresa: Woo! You hear a brother say, "Deeper," you be like, "Oh!" Lord have mercy. I'm sweating. Jesus Christ. That shit was such a blessing. That was a memorable moment for me that just, just happened, into my 40s.
Erica: It's just nice to be with a man that is comfortable letting go of all of that shit and just-
Theresa: Yeah, man.
Erica: ... riding away, "Let's see what happens."
Theresa: Honestly. I've been trying, goals again, to get a DP situation going. Really it's a fantasy to just have two men. The only opportunity I've had, they can't keep it up, because there's something inside them that's just like, "I can't do it." It's just like, come on, man.
Theresa: Yeah! "Do it for me! Focus on me. Whatever. If you brush up on each other, it's all good. We're all in this together."
Erica: You both are literally in pussy.
Theresa: Right. Fix your mind. You have been emotionally scarred into thinking that this is a problem. Why? I don't know. That's not scientific. I am frustrated with how deep-seated Black male trauma is and how it complicates my goals.
Erica: Fucking up my shit!
Theresa: "Can't you just get over your trauma for me?"
Erica: "I got shit I need done to this! Bang!"
Theresa: Yeah. We still got work to do. We still got work to do.
Kenrya: Goals. We just going to keep-
Theresa: Yeah, goals.
Kenrya: ... going towards those goals.
Theresa: That's right. I'm going to hug them into my vagina.
Erica: On average, how many times do you have some sort of sexual contact in a week?
Theresa: [inaudible 00:27:13] when I used to have sex.
Erica: It includes masturbation. Masturbation, sexting, nudes, all that.
Theresa: Daily. Daily daily daily daily. Daily. It's funny, because I have a whole case of toys that I never use unless somebody says, "Bring the toys." I never use them on myself. I have one little vibrator that I keep under my pillow. I go through stints where I'm just not interested in using it. Then I get through some days where I'm like, "Just do it." You ever have to force yourself to masturbate? You have to be like, "Just do it. Just do it. You'll feel better after you do. You'll go to sleep. Jesus Christ. Just do it."
Erica: I definitely have. Two nights ago, I was like, "You know what? We got to handle this."
Theresa: "Turn it on! Just turn it on!" You make yourself do it. I every once in a while will get the nerve to record myself doing something. I have a little small audience of folks that I'll send things to who just appreciate receiving a gift of video. Those folks every once in a while pop up and say, "Hey, send me something." Then besides that, yes. When I'm in something, when I have somebody regular, it's usually a once-a-week situation.
Kenrya: I know you said you're horny all the time, but are there certain times a day that are best for you, either because of time or interest or other shit that's interfering in your life?
Theresa: No. It usually comes down to the evening for me. It usually just comes down to the evening based on schedules. I was seeing this one guy where every once in a while, which is too much for me, we would fall asleep without having sex. Then I'd hop up, because I'm an early morning person, early, early, 4:00, 5:00 in the morning and be like, "Look, I got to go and be out." Then once I ended up staying until 8:00 or so I realized that around 6:00, 7:00, he would wake up and be like, "Now is the time." I be like, "Oh, I didn't even know I was leaving before the show." I didn't know. I had no idea. Then you start staying a little bit later. You're like, "Okay. That's how it's got to work, I will stick around for that." Usually it's just the evening for me. I'm down all the time, but just in terms of schedules, the evening is usually when things get popping, late night.
Kenrya: When you are in a partnered sex situation, is there an optimal amount of time that works for you? Are you a quickie girl? Are you a, "We got to be at this for a few hours," kind of chick?
Theresa: My last situation of four years, which just ended this year, unfortunately, we had a pretty good-
Erica: It ended because it needed to end.
Theresa: It did need to end! It did. It really did.
Erica: [inaudible 00:30:25].
Theresa: Yeah. It's tough. I love him to death. Still good friends. We still have had sex twice since then. It couldn't be this regular, regular thing that it was. What it was is, for one we had a routine. I don't mind routine sex at all, especially if it works every time. You just do the little combination. You spin it to the right, then twice to the left, and back to the right, and it's like, "Oh, open. That worked for me. It worked."
Erica: Like a fucking cheat code.
Theresa: Yeah, cheat code, cheat code. He spent a lot of time going down on me beforehand, which was a blessing. Honestly, some nights you just do that and I'll be good to go. I return the favor and we're just like, "That was great." As a matter of fact, the first time we ever had sex it was just oral and it was so great. It was like, "I might never have to have sex again. This is fantastic! Nobody's ever, ever ... " He's so great. It was great every time. I just let him be down there as long as he wanted to. He wanted to be down there. How much time would pass, Jesus Christ. I think an hour max between oral and penetration. Then we'd do that and then I'd hop on top and then he'd hit it from the back, and then he'd hop on top and then we'd bust. Then we'd be like, "Yay, we did it again." That would probably be an hour every time.
Erica: We did it!
Theresa: Exactly. Now the finger experience that I had most recently, that was a marathon. That was going 30 to 40 minutes, then passing out, then waking back up and another 30 or 40, then passing back out, which was also great. For that steady, no, you can't, we're not going to do quickies, because like I said, I come a lot, and so I never feel really done done until it hurts a little bit, like, "Ha cha cha, ha cha, ha ha." You got to tap out, because you really shouldn't anymore. I do appreciate someone who can give me a little time.
Erica: When you were partnered or when you partner, where do you usually do it?
Theresa: Usually in the bed. Usually in the bed. I would like it other places. I think I have expressed that, not to him, because there's really no other place in his house that would've made sense.
Erica: Those good urban apartments.
Theresa: Yeah, where you're like, "This is it. This is all we got." I like it other places. It's funny, recently I was thinking about car sex. I haven't had sex in a car in a while. I don't know if I'm romanticizing it because I don't remember it and it was really whack back in the day. One time last year I was in a park on the hood of a car in the rizzain.
Erica: That sounds delightful. That sounds like a '90s RnB music video.
Theresa: I had the nerve to actually care about my press-out for a second. I was like, "Oh no, my hair," because it wasn't pouring rain. It was just drizzling, misting. I was like, "This is bad for my hair." He was like, "If you don't shut up."
Erica: "Shut the fuck up and take this dick."
Theresa: "If you don't shut up!"
Erica: You was like, "My bad!"
Theresa: I was like, "You right. You right. I'm sorry."
Erica: "My bad. What was I thinking?"
Theresa: "What was I thinking? We don't get chances like this often." I do, I love when you get those opportunities. That's always fun.
Erica: What's the best part of sex to you?
Theresa: So many good parts.
Erica: You literally bit your lip and looked out the window.
Theresa: So many good parts. The beginning, middle, and the end. I really do love good oral. I love giving and receiving. I love giving. I do love sucking dick. Goddamn.
Erica: Yeah, sucking dick is good.
Theresa: Sucking dick is so great.
Erica: Eating pussy.
Theresa: Yeah. Honestly I feel a little robbed, because I feel like I haven't had enough. I feel like I need more practice. It's been a long time. I'm a little salty about that.
Erica: You have one, so you know how to do it.
Theresa: I don't know, because there's one time one girl told me that I wasn't good at it and I ain’t know how I felt about that. I was like, "Nah, man, maybe it's your pussy. Maybe you don't even know how to ... " I didn't say any of that, but I. I felt really like, "I don't know, am I bad?" It was early on. That was early on. I love good oral. If it's bad, it's very frustrating. Also, I don't know, I'm a fan of penetration. I like it all. It's like which kid do you love the most. That's not a fair question. Next question! That's not fair. I love it all.
Erica: What's the most frustrating part?
Theresa: You know what's frustrating? The more I talk to people now, I'm realizing it's a thing, or apparently, or I don't know, it sounds like it's a thing after I've talked to several people. I would love a guy to be able to stay hard longer when I'm on top. What is that? Is it a circulation thing? How come they can't stay hard when you're on top?
Erica: Get him a cock ring. See, some guys are just mm about toys.
Theresa: They're super mm about toys. I would love-
Erica: I feel like a cock ring would him-
Theresa: ... to ride more often. That's one.
Kenrya: It would keep more blood there.
Theresa: That's the top of my mind frustration, especially because if I'm wet and I'm upside-down, you're not going to get as much of it, but if I'm on top and I'm just dripping down, that's gravity. You going to catch this. I'm also like, "Yay, I'm on top," and then they're like, "Man," and they move me. I'm like, "Ah! Shit. This would've been great if I could've ... "
Erica: That's that, "Let me move you before I bust."
Theresa: I think sometimes it is. It's like, it's a little too wet and maybe we should try something else. This is true.
Kenrya: Are there things in your day that ever keep you from being in the mood? Are you one of these people who work can intrude or family shit or whatever the hell?
Theresa: Nothing's going to stop this loving. Moods, no. No. No. Just my period. I have not mastered feeling great during my period. I've even sometimes, not often at all, but there have times where I have been horny on my period and still been like, "Nah, I can't." That's just not a threshold I've crossed.
Erica: I'm a fucking horn dog.
Theresa: Yeah, but do you have sex on your period?
Theresa: "I'll ask the questions here!"
Erica: It depends on the partner. Some guys be like, "Bitch, throw down a towel." Other ones be like, "Eh, let's wait."
Theresa: I've definitely been with some people who are like, "That's not a thing." I'll be like, "It is a thing. I can't do it." No, there's nothing else that really, unless I got a problem with that dude specifically, it's not, no. Nobody has talked me into it.
Erica: You're like, "There's always a way."
Theresa: There's always a way. Keep talking.
Erica: We talked about baby Theresa's masturbation. What about now? How often do you masturbate? What are your preferred techniques?
Theresa: I'm super boring. Like I said, just me and that little vibrator. The truth of the matter is honestly I am a new vibrator user. Only in the last...2017, maybe 2017, the last three years. Just that's it. Before then it would be finger. It wouldn't even be finger inside. It'd just be clit stimulation with my finger. I watch porn. Sometimes I can come off imagination. It was always clitoral stimulation with my finger. That's what it was. Now it's just clit stimulation with a vibrator. Every once in a while it might be a shower head. Just might. You might get that every-
Erica: I've never done the shower head.
Kenrya: Me either.
Erica: I actually live in a house now with the thing.
Kenrya: I literally travel from house to house with my own detachable shower heads that I take down theirs and put my own shits up, but I've never used it for that purpose. It's just easier to wash all this fucking hair.
Theresa: Because of the hair thing, I need a good hard-pressure shower head. For a long time, I'm going to say probably, maybe since my 20s, I have found shower heads to be occasionally handy.
Kenrya: I feel like I may need to try this. I've heard it so many times but never done it myself.
Theresa: You get one stream-
Erica: I've got a project for tonight.
Theresa: ... going straight at your clit.
Erica: I got a project for tonight.
Theresa: There you go.
Erica: Thank you very much.
Erica: What would you change about your sex life if you could just snap your fingers and make it so?
Theresa: If I could snap my fingers and make it so, I would abolish all STDs.
Erica: Get rid of them niggas.
Theresa: Real quick. Real quick, because you could drop a load off and I'll catch that Plan B real quick, but this them STDs.
Erica: Chop shop like a motherfucker.
Theresa: "I already took it, don't worry. It was Plan A all along." No. Definitely, yeah, that would be it. That's a lofty ... Are we talking about something that's actually more real and realistic?
Kenrya: Nah, anything.
Erica: Honey, if you snapping fingers and making things happen, we want big shit.
Theresa: That would be it. Everything else would be great, great, great. I have no complaints otherwise.
Kenrya: All right. What is a sex best practice that you'd like to share with our listeners?
Theresa: Sex best practices. Here we go, because not a lot of people have the opportunity or take the opportunity to share this, but I think I've mastered anal prep.
Kenrya: Let's talk about it.
Theresa: I think there's just a lot of women who are skeevish, rightfully so, because they are uninformed about how to properly prep for anal. Everything from, I'm not really big on watching what you eat. I don't eat a bunch of crazy stuff, but just knowing what's going on with your stomach is important and clearing out early enough. Then I love my tribal douche. It's just easy peasy. It's in a little zipper case that it comes in. You just fill it up with some not hot water and get that cleanout going. Lots and lots and lots of lube. I now only recently because of my gay male friend recommended, I had no idea about silicone lube. It really just never dries.
Erica: So much better.
Theresa: Oh my God, never, ever dries.
Erica: It stays on top.
Theresa: Yeah. You just turn that bottle open and just upside-down into your ... Just empty half a bottle of lube into your ass. Sometimes if you just finger, stretch yourself out a little bit. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt at first, but if you keep going through the tunnel, you get to the other side, there's a pot of gold! Pot of gold! I really wish more women would take the steps and get good about it, because it's one more ... It's like if you was going to Six Flags every year and then you found out that there was a whole other wing of Six Flags you didn't even know exists. You're like, "Oh shit! There's all these rides on this side too? Man!"
Erica: "You all see this shit?
Theresa: "I've been coming to Six Flags for years! I had no idea they had these rides when you turn the corner." It's just a whole other amusement park in your booty hole.
Kenrya: I love that analogy.
Erica: Amusement park in your booty hole. Do you have any must-use tools?
Theresa: Just the lube. Right now I think I'm cute, because I'm always wet, so I don't use a lot of lube for vaginal. Even sometimes I'm like, "I probably should've used lube."
Kenrya: Those moments are always the worst when yo ass is being big and bad and then you finish and you like, "Oh, maybe I should've-"
Theresa: Dammit! Lube is cool, because you know had you stopped trying to be cute, it probably would've been even better. You're like, "You know what would make this better is lube. You'd forget I have it on and we'd just be going to town." That would be my number one, because otherwise, like I said, my experience with toys isn't super duper duper long.
Erica: We always do a would you rather question. Would you rather give up, if you couldn't do it at all ever again in life, masturbation or partnered sex?
Theresa: Masturbation. What? Next question. I ain't going to touch myself. You going to touch me? I don't have to touch myself? You're going to do it? I'm lazy as shit. Hell yeah. I'd give up masturbation in a second. My lazy ass.
Kenrya: Same actually. Also, in part because I'm lazy, because I be so tired and be like, "Okay, I don't feel like going through all of that." To me, and I would not imagine I'm necessarily the majority in this situation, but the orgasms are not as intense for me as they are when I'm having partnered sex. It's always a little disappointing. It's like, "Is that all there is?"
Theresa: It feels like maintenance. When you make yourself cum, you're like, "Okay, that was cool, good, got that out of the way."
Erica: You're laying in bed. Wake up the next morning, wash your face like, "You dirty bitch. Look at you with your nasty ass."
Theresa: I am having deep vaginal orgasms right now, and I enjoy that. Bring on the partner.
Kenrya: All right. What do you hope that people will learn from this little walk through your sex life?
Theresa: Honestly, the thing I'm actually still trying to learn, honestly, over everything, and I'm not a parent, is about that early, that childhood development. It's not so much of this is what I wish you would learn from me knowing, but it's something I hope we all learn a little bit better, is really what's okay and what's not and how to figure out when to intervene with your kids or how involved to get. My parents were very not involved. I was stealth as a mofo. I still am. I'm very protective over my sex life when it comes to my parents. I never talk to my mom. I never talk to my father. I turned out okay, but I don't know if that's okay for everybody. I think that more so than anything, that's something I'd want to continue understanding and investigating so that I could help other people, how to deal with your kids and how to deal with whatever you went through in your childhood.
Kenrya: All right.
Theresa: Yay. I adore you guys.
Kenrya: Yay, and we love you too.
Erica: Thank you so much for joining us.
Theresa: Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. I wish I could be here-
Erica: You're so much fun.
Theresa: ... every day.
Kenrya: This is what we love about this show. We get to talk to dope people about dope shit.
Theresa: Yeah, about the dopest shit on the planet.
Erica: Maybe we can bring you back to go a little bit more about the backdoor action.
Theresa: Yes! I will talk about that uncovered. I will tell you about my real life.
Erica: "This is my booty. Look at pictures. That's me in the background."
Theresa: Exhibit A! Exhibit A. I am currently missing the backdoor action situation.
Kenrya: That wraps up this week's episode of The Turn On. Thank you all for listening, and see you soon.
Erica: This episode was produced by us, Erica and Kenrya, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Now you can support The Turn On and get off. Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app, then drop us a five-star review, and you'll be entered to win something that's turning us on. Post your review and email a screenshot to us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com to enter. Our Patreon page is also live. Become a supporter today and access lots of goodies, including two-for-one raffle entries. Don't forget to send us your book recommendations and sex and related questions. Follow us on Twitter at @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram at @TheTurnOnPodcast. You can find links to books, merch, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you soon. Holla.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.