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On Episode 5.5 of The Turn On, we interview Mistress Envy, author of "Erotic Confessions of the Mildly Perverse: A Collection of Short Stories."
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Kenrya: Today, we're hype to talk to Mistress Envy, who wrote and self-published “Erotic Confessions of the Mildly Perverse,” a collection of short stories back in 2018. Hey, Mistress Envy.
Mistress Envy: Hey, hey, hey.
Kenrya: Hey, we're glad you're here. But first off, what are your preferred pronouns?
Mistress Envy: She, her, is fine.
Kenrya: Awesome. Thank you. Can you tell us what you do in one sentence?
Mistress Envy: I make love to your mind with my naughty stories.
Kenrya: I love that there's love and there's naughtiness. It's a nice balance.
Mistress Envy: There you go, yay.
Kenrya: That's awesome. So have you always been a writer or was this a new venture for you?
Mistress Envy: I always wrote things here and there. When I was younger, like in high school, I would write poems or little short stories, but the whole erotica came about because I was in a relationship, a sexless relationship, so that that was my outlet when I tried it.
Kenrya: That sounds like a tragedy.
Mistress Envy: It was horrible.
Kenrya: Why was it sexless? See, I'm about to get all in your business. You just didn't want it?
Mistress Envy: Oh no, it was never my... Oh, no, it's never my fault, because I feel like I probably want it too much. I want it all the time, every day. There's not a time when I don't want to. He wasn’t down for the get down. He would say things like, "Something wrong with you, you want to do it too much." I was, "What? This should be like every man's fantasy, let's get it." So, yeah that's how I started writing.
Kenrya: Oh, Lord, all right. I mean I guess you gotta find an outlet somewhere.
Mistress Envy: Yeah. It didn't last too much longer though after that though. It really didn't.
Erica: Well, I'm sad that that's the origin story of the book.
Mistress Envy: Don't be, don't be.
Erica: Your fans are very grateful that he sucked.
Mistress Envy: Well thank you.
Erica: Turning lemons into lemonade.
Mistress Envy: There you go.
Erica: Well obviously your name is not Mistress Envy. We know your mama didn't name you that.
Mistress Envy: Correct.
Erica: So, why did you choose to write under a pseudonym?
Mistress Envy: Because I feel like Mistress Envy and my government name are two separate people and you have a regular government nine to five. I didn't want too many people knowing where it was, maybe, you know, afraid for my employment so I could start writing books full time. So that's why I chose to go by Mistress Envy.
Kenrya: I know that's real. I mean not everyone has the same amount of respect for this work, which obviously we think is ridiculous because this is our work.
Mistress Envy: Right.
Kenrya: But I dig the practicalities of making sure you're okay.
Erica: So, as we talk about the work that we do, we learned by reading your bio that once upon a time you worked as an exotic dancer. What was the best thing about doing that work?
Mistress Envy: The money.
Erica: Hands down. No pause.
Mistress Envy: The money. It was always about the money, I guess. I don't know. For me that was always my motivation, the money. It was not glamorous, and all that. To me, it was to get in and get out. You know what I need.
Kenrya: Did you have any friends who danced who did it for other reasons or was that really the prevailing thing?
Mistress Envy: I knew some women who did it for other reasons. They were doing something strange for a piece of change. I feel like I lot of women that I encountered doing that type of work, some of them were about their money, but a lot of them was like into some other stuff.
Kenrya: Was it about power play?
Mistress Envy: I think it was a combination of the power, yes, but also the ones who would just... I've seen a woman get a man like stupid drunk so she could just constantly keep swiping his card or keep going in his wallet and I was like, "Wow. This life is not for me." I did it enough to get what I needed to get it and I was done.
Kenrya: Well, I think we all have our different thresholds, right?
Mistress Envy: Right.
Kenrya: Yeah. Yeah, and that was what worked for them. But that's interesting.
Kenrya: What would you say, we know what the best thing was, what was the most challenging thing about doing that work?
Mistress Envy: The misconception of, because you're a stripper, you're also a prostitute. You know, like you out here shaking it, then you definitely sucking and fucking. So no, in my situation, that's not what it was. That was the toughest thing about it.
Kenrya: How often, was it a frequent thing where men got out of out of pocket?
Mistress Envy: Oh, yes, all the time. All the time. They try you, you know what I mean? They've succeeded with other women. Why not try it?
Kenrya: It's just like, I mean to that point of they figure at least it'll work once. It's just like all the raggedy things that they try to say to women and hopes-
Kenrya: It only takes one.
Mistress Envy: Yup. That's all it takes.
Erica: When you were, and I don't want to, we're definitely gonna talk about your writing at some point...
Kenrya: But this is like a bridge.
Erica: When you were dancing, how did you set those boundaries of keeping yourself walled off from clients or people getting a little too personal or assuming things or feeling like because you do this they have access to you.
Mistress Envy: Yeah, sometimes you can tell before you even start the conversation of would you like a dance? You can kind of tell what a man is already on, how he's behaving when you're on the stage, or how he's been treating other dancers in the club. I would kinda be keen to that, like, "Oh, okay, I see what he about. I'm not in the mood for that, like no, there's no time." But then you get the ones who are overly aggressive, and if that happens, like get your hands off of me, you to have to go type stuff. But some men, when they are in that environment they don't take no for an answer.
Mistress Envy: Yeah. You just gotta be strong.
Kenrya: It sounds like you have to do a lot of advocating for yourself in those situations.
Mistress Envy: You do. Absolutely.
Erica: How did these experiences inform your writing?
Mistress Envy: Oh my goodness. I feel like a lot of my writing comes from a lot of things in around about way that I experienced in my life. So, that whole time doing that and dancing, it gave me more fuel for when I write sleazy characters in my story, or nasty things I've seen or witnessed. That adds the spice, the finishing touches to my story.
Erica: Helps color in some of those details.
Mistress Envy: Yeah. Uh huh.
Kenrya: So speaking of your stories, in this book you've got six stories and they run the gamut from chicks who have pep talks with they pussies, to women who are stepping out with the young jawn across the street. How did you settle on this particular mix of stories?
Mistress Envy: Oh it was really tough. It was so tough because I wrote quite a few. I would read little snippets to my friends to say, "Which one did you really like and be honest?” But still, I'm artist and I'm sensitive about my shit. What would you really want to want to see or hear and it was overwhelming. I didn't have a choice. I had to put ‘Young Thing’ in there or several people were going to be mad. For me that's not even my favorite story. But okay.
Erica: That was what hooked me. I was like, Oh, really. All right.
Kenrya: Alright, so which one is your favorite?
Mistress Envy: Oh my God, “The Anniversary.”
Kenrya: Ooh. Oh. I don't know if y'all have read this yet, but we didn't do that one. It's the one that closes out the book right? Is that the last one?
Mistress Envy: Oh, the last one is “My Sister's Husband.”
Kenrya: Oh, oh. Yeah. Y'all need to get--
Mistress Envy: I love it.
Erica: In our full episode, we read two short stories. First one we read is “The Tease,” and that story, just so we can set the scene, we meet a woman who is having trouble telling her body what to do when her little friend denies her sex. So have you ever been in a situation where your mind is saying one thing and your pussy’s like “No, bitch. I'm ignoring you."
Mistress Envy: Yes. I used to be like a fuckboy magnet, you know he wouldn't shoot, but the dick would be amazing. My vagina was telling me all the time, "I don't care he don't have no job, a place to stay. His dick is amazing." So yeah.
Kenrya: He can stay in this pussy.
Mistress Envy: Right. That's what I'm saying. Why does he need to sleep? I've got a bed for him. Totally, totally been in that situation.
Kenrya: So, in “The Train,” we had a whole another situation. We have a woman who was fantasizing about her coworker, and then she uses her hand and get off at work. Are you a fan of the hand or do you have other favorite tools and toys for getting off?
Mistress Envy: See, I'm not a fan of the hand and I don't know, maybe something’s wrong with me. I can't get down on my hand. I literally have to have something battery operated or you plug into the wall to get me going. I'm just not a fan of the hand.
Kenrya: I'm not either. I mean I feel like it will be convenient if that worked well.
Mistress Envy: Right.
Kenrya: But, she just slid up on her desk and was like, eh!
Mistress Envy: Right.
Kenrya: Well for me, I have to get all my stuff out.
Mistress Envy: Exactly.
Kenrya: It's a right there, but it's still a thing that I have to pull out and do, but yeah, I'm a fan of tools too. What about you?
Erica: Well, I will tell you desperate times call for desperate measures. Personal story, I am not a... I too, desire in generally need a toy or some sort of extra help. But when you really riled up, all you got to do is touch it.
Kenrya: You make it happen.
Erica: I can make it happen, Captain.
Mistress Envy: Oh great. Hilarious.
Kenrya: Yeah, I'm not talented.
Mistress Envy: Me either.
Kenrya: I mean, I probably need to practice. I mean we were legit on the last episode talking about practicing and like why it's important for more women to spend time with themselves. One, just so you don't have to have somebody else and you don't end up in them situations where your pussy is able to win out cause she deprived. But, also so that you can figure out what works when you are with a partner, because it's hard to tell the partner with to do if you don't know what to do.
Mistress Envy: Exactly.
Kenrya: One thing that we love is that you're entrepreneurial. You didn't just write this book, you published it too. Could you tell us a little bit about the self publishing process?
Mistress Envy: Oh sure, sure, sure. Well, I have wonderful friends with who wear many, many hats. My one friend, she is a published author, she wrote a self help book, an adult coloring boo and I told her, you know, I want to publish my own book. She came right over to my house, explained the steps to me. Basically, it was really simple. I did it through Amazon, through KDP publishing, and it really walks you through the process. I feel like that was way easier than actually writing the story.
Mistress Envy: Yeah. I expected to be a big ordeal, and it absolutely wasn't. I would recommend anyone who wants to self publish a book, go out there, do it.
Kenrya: That's pretty cool, because I imagine that that keeps a lot of folks from getting out what they have in them is because you're worried about what that publishing process is going to look like.
Mistress Envy: Exactly, and for KDP through Amazon, for erotica, they're pretty much liberal. I was so worried like, "Oh my God, I'm saying nasty shit in his book. Amazon isn't going to put it out there." It was like I was 14, I'm so nervous, and they were like, "We just don't allow pretty much anything with children or animals, that type of thing." Oh cool. But no, none of that. I don't cross that line when I write erotica. It was so stress free after that point, like, “Oh, I got this. It's nothing."
Kenrya: Wait, wait. KDP is that Kindle Direct Publishing?
Mistress Envy: Yep.
Kenrya: Okay, cool. How long did it take you to actually write the book?
Mistress Envy: Oh, I felt like it took forever. It took many, many, many years because I wrote a story, like I said, when I was in that horrible relationship, that was, I don't know, 15 years ago. In between that time, I just kept writing random thoughts, and then they turned into all these sentences, and then it was a book. So, from the time I really felt like, "Oh, I'm going to write this book," until it was actually published. I'd say it was less than a year, because once I get in the mode of "Oh, I'm ready to write," it just comes out. It just comes out. So, it didn't take long at all.
Kenrya: No. That's pretty cool.
Erica: Yeah it is. When can we expect your next book?
Mistress Envy: You know, I get that question all the time. My Deviants, that's what I call my fans, my Deviants keep asking that. Well, they should be happy because I've already started it. I've actually started my first story. It's going to be a collection of short stories again. It's going to be called “Smush,” the first story, I'll let you just run wild with it. I'm not going to give any info, but I call it “Smush.”
Kenrya: We need air horns. I don't know how to do those.
Mistress Envy: Y'all are hilarious. I'm really pushing to having this done by the end of the year because I'm really in a writing mood. I'm in a good space so the words are just flowing out.
Kenrya: Yes. That's always the best.
Mistress Envy: Yes, it is.
Kenrya: Like you can't even stop it if you wanted to, right?
Mistress Envy: Exactly.
Mistress Envy: Yeah. That's pretty dope.
Kenrya: Okay. So we are really glad that you were able to join us and even, I mean, attached to that, really excited that you let us share your book with our readers. I think a bunch of them are going to pick it up, and they're going gonna love it as much as we did. For the folks who are waiting on “Smush,” because I mean I am, where can they find you?
Mistress Envy: Well, all my deviants follow me on the Instagram. That's what my mom calls it, the Instagram, the Facebook, the all that. But, on the Instagram it's @MistressEtheauthor. Simple. You can find me there. Go ahead, Check out the page. I may have to accept a request as you can just imagine the type of people who've been contacting me.
Kenrya: Listen, we already have crazy stuff.
Mistress Envy: So I had to make it private for a second. However, for the sake of this wonderful, wonderful interview I've done, I am going to have the page public so you can get a little taste of the little quickies that I provide to my Deviants. So, make sure you follow me.
Kenrya: Okay. Y'all heard her. Make sure you follow.
Erica: This week's episode was produced by us, Erica, and Kenrya, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme song is from Brazy. Please subscribe to this show on your favorite podcast app. Follow us on Twitter @theturnonpod and Instagram @theturnonpodcast and find links to books, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Bye.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.