LISTEN TO THE TURN ON
Apple Podcasts | Google Play | iHeart Radio | Radio Public | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn | YouTube
CONNECT WITH THE TURN ON
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads | Patreon
In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya talk to Khadijah about the joys of being a sugar baby, the importance of loving your work and losing the last of your fucks.
The Turn On participates in affiliate programs, which provide a small commission when you purchase products via links on this site. This costs you nothing, but helps support the show. Click here for more information.
Kenrya: Come here, get off.
Kenrya: Today we're talking to Khadijah, pronouns she and her. Khadijah's a 25-year-old mom, entrepreneur, self-proclaimed "It girl" and sugar baby. Khadijah, thanks so much for joining us today.
Khadijah: You're so welcome. Happy to be here.
Erica: Well, I am glad that you joined us. So, Khadijah, last week's book that we read was about a young woman that decided to start sugaring when she ran into some tight times at work.
Erica: So, how did you get into sugaring?
Khadijah: So, sugaring found me actually. So, at the time I'm a junior, no, sophomore in college. And you know what? This really, planted a seed for me. This dude was like, "You are pretty enough to get your rent paid." That started that for me. And it's like, "You know what? Maybe I am."
Kenrya: You were like, "I am."
Kenrya: Not maybe. I am.
Khadijah: So, then fast-forward a few months, I meet this guy, well, also, he's actually my friend's godfather. So, we're all in college at this time and he has this huge house, he's very well off. This was my first sugar daddy. So, I met him through my friend and he would just be all over me, like I really want to take you out, all this stuff, I'll pay you and mind you, this is my first, really first interaction with this. And so, one day I'm just like, you know what? Let's go out. We already hang out for free because we be all in his house. We were all living in the dorms, so. And that's pretty much how it started. I let my friend's godfather take me out and I've already been into older guys, so this man, he was in his 40s and so that wasn't an issue for me. So, yeah. Not anything too exciting, but...
Erica: Girl, it's exciting.
Khadijah: ...That's how it started.
Erica: It's more exciting than some of our lives, so.
Khadijah: I would say, because with it, people don't believe me when I say men give me money. I know it's the trend and all, the City Girls and all that, but people don't believe me. And then men that I'm not especially interested in, I'll go ahead and tell them I use men for their money. And they be laughing and stuff, but I'm serious.
Kenrya: You like, "But no, really though."
Khadijah: Really though. Where's the check? Yeah. So, that's my life.
Kenrya: All right. What do you like best about that work?
Khadijah: What do I like best about? I'm sorry?
Khadijah: Sugaring? Well, so I'm a people person anyway. So, I like just meeting new people. I like just the experiences and education that sugaring has afforded me. So, most of the men that I speak to they are older, they have a lot of life experience, they're successful in their businesses, they're just in places that I want to be. So, I've just learned a lot as far as investing, my own business, things like that. So, really I would say my self improvement through sugaring is my favorite.
Erica: What do you like least about it?
Khadijah: What do I what?
Erica: What do you like least about sugaring?
Khadijah: Like least? Sometimes they're annoying, but I think it's just men anyway.
Erica: Yeah. If you have a penis.
Khadijah: Like relationships anyway. Sometimes, you just don't want to be bothered, just honestly. So, a few months ago I had multiple sugar daddies and I was feeling like I'm kind of over it because it is still a relationship and I was just not feeling relationship-ish. So, I did. I actually just, I ghosted one of my sugar daddy's and the other one we just separated amicably. He still actually hooked me up, asked me how I'm doing and stuff, but we're just not in that relationship anymore. So, right now I just have one. So, I would say the thing I like least is just sometimes you just don't want to be a girlfriend right then. Yeah, so.
Kenrya: That's real and it actually leads to the next question that we have. So, we asked you to come on because last week we read a book called "My Billionaire Benefactor" and it follows this woman Imani when she starts sugaring and she really quickly, like her second date, meets this man who her homegirl calls her whale, like the man who's going to take her out the game and make her his woman and all this.
Khadijah: What is the name of this book, guys?
Kenrya: It's called "My Billionaire Benefactor."
Khadijah: I think I have to read it.
Kenrya: It's good.
Khadijah: "My Billionaire Benefactor." Okay. Thank you.
Erica: And it's a part of a series, so yeah.
Kenrya: Yeah. And so she meets the "whale" as her chick calls her and he's supposed to take her out of the game. Is that a thing?
Khadijah: He wants to what? Is what a thing?
Kenrya: He wants to get her out the game and take care of her and pay her bills and her homegirl is like, "That's the holy grail. That's what everybody looking for." But you just said, you get tired of pretending to be somebody's girlfriend. Like is that a thing though? Is that something that people are really aspired that you know, who are sugaring, are really aspiring to?
Khadijah: I will say yes because you know what? I would love for that to happen to me right now. Let me quit my job, let me chill out a little bit. And I do hear of girls, especially my stripper friends, they'll be like, "He's just like, he wants to save me. So, he's going to save me" and a lot of them do. It's men out here taking care of women and their families. This one girl, her sugar daddy bought her mom a new car. So, that's definitely, yeah, that's what I'm working on right now. But I would say also, so, is that true? Do you get tired of the life? What I've started though in college, I was a little more, I didn't care. You know?
Khadijah: But now, my sugar daddies, I make sure I like them. So, it's not an act all the time. I make sure now, I make sure it's someone that I really enjoy spending time with and talking to and things like that. So, that does make it better because before I was just entertaining, older men, they really do just want certain type of company. And then especially if they're in a certain class, they just really do want certain type of company. So, but I was being whatever company that they wanted. I'm studying you, I hear you, I'm understanding what you like and I was just being that. Whereas now, I'm more just being myself.
Khadijah: Yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: One of the things that we reiterate a lot on this show is the older you get, the less fucks you give. And you just explain that.
Khadijah: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: You're like, "I gave lots of fucks when I was younger, now that I'm a little older, I have less fucks to give. So you're going to get, what I give."
Khadijah: Yeah. You right. I used to care, "Oh, what is he thinking about me? I don't want him to stop liking me." Now, if you're over me, peace out.
Erica: I love it. I love it.
Khadijah: Yeah, so.
Erica: And I wish that I was your age and had that. So, that's dope.
Khadijah: Thank you.
Erica: So, we opened up our last episode kind of explaining that there's so many forms of sex work, not just... People think of sex work and I think of stripping or escorting and so-
Khadijah: And you know what? Before this year, I never thought of sugaring as sex work, but you know, it kind of is.
Erica: Here we are.
Khadijah: It kind of is. Yeah.
Erica: So, have you done anything else or are you comfortable sharing? Have you done any other forms?
Khadijah: Okay. So, I mostly do... I am a sugar baby. I don't know. I wouldn't consider bottle girls sex work, but I do strip. I have experience stripping. I'm getting into the phone sex operating. Actually, after we get off, I'm going to probably go on live for the first time tonight.
Kenrya: Good luck.
Khadijah: Yes, thanks guys. But besides that, no, not really. But like I said, I didn't even think of sugaring as sex work before this year. And I think a part of that is I also was not having sex with my sugar daddies in college, but now I am more open to that, so.
Kenrya: It makes me wonder, kind of like a culmination of the question of what we've just talked about, how does sugaring impact your intimate relationships and vice versa. How do your intimate relationships impact the way that you sugar and what you're interested in doing and what falls within the lines of how you view your work? Does that make sense?
Khadijah: Yeah. So, again, sugar daddies are relationships. So, in the past, if I actually met someone that I really liked, I will, just like in regular relationships you meet someone you might put most of your attention on that person or whatever, but also now from when I started sugaring I'm more goal oriented. Whereas, it was really just about having fun, just being able to do all these fun things. But now I have a daughter who I'm taking care of and stuff. Again, so my sugar daddies are always people now that I would be in a regular relationship with. It wouldn't have to just be about money, but I'm also becoming hypergamous anyway. So, even my romantic, I wouldn't say my sugar daddies aren't romantic, but my, I guess, traditional relationship, I expect them to be of a certain standard now too. So, really the line is blurring as I'm getting older. Yeah. It's all-
Kenrya: That's real.
Erica: In the story we read Imani's best friend, Farrah, got into the game and got assaulted on her first date. So, what precautions do you think people should take to protect themselves if they want to get into this kind of thing?
Khadijah: Yeah. So, ultimately, I don't look at sugaring... Again, it's a relationship. So, just like with a boyfriend or potential date, potential boyfriend, it's all the same for me. We're going to go somewhere public until I'm comfortable with you, being alone with you. I don't many precautions because we're going to be in public. If I'm feeling iffy about it, I'm going to just leave out and my first date, I'm going to meet you there. I don't want you to pick me up.
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Khadijah: I just don't think it's any need reason for us to, especially when we're still getting to know each other.
Kenrya: No, that makes total sense. And-
Kenrya: Yeah, I mean when Erica and I date, you know we're best friends and it's like we turn on our location when we go places, so that somebody always knows where we are and always send like this is this nigga's number and his face and his full name. It's just a matter of being smart because you're going to be around people who you don't know that well, that makes total sense to me. Cool.
Kenrya: So, over the weekend you probably saw it, I feel like it all over Twitter, a stripper slipped from the pole and fell almost two stories. Yeah and she broke her jaw and it was bad, but it... One of the things that was interesting-
Khadijah: Wow. So, when I saw the video, when she hit the ground, didn't she start twerking again?
Kenrya: She did. She kept dancing.
Khadijah: I was like, "Dang. Is she all right?" Because this is news to me that she broke something. I was like, "She's got to be hurting." But it's news to me that she broke something.
Kenrya: Yeah, yeah. No, she was like super duper hurt and she had a GoFundMe to raise money because the strip club said that it was not their fault and that they were not taking any responsibility to pay for any of her medical bills. And so, it was interesting because it really sparked this conversation about labor rights and who we offer to protect. Who do we value? And who do we take care of? And I'm wondering if there are things that you can think of that we can all do to be supportive of rights for sex workers? In the past we've talked about how there are online restrictions, they keep people from being able to advertise their services and connect with people. Are there any things that you can think of that everyone who cares could be advocating for in order to be supportive of folks?
Khadijah: Well, so issue is sex work is illegal in places. So, I think that would be something that would have to be conquered before we can talk about healthcare or other rights and things for sex workers, but kind of apart from sex workers, is strippers are considered independent contractors and there's independent contractors in all industry and they don't have health insurance or liability. Yeah, I'm not saying that it's fair. Actually, I'm an independent contractor apart from having danced. So, when I'm doing that, I have to pay for my health insurance. That's just something that I do. I think that in the climate we're in right now, we have to think about ourselves, put ourselves first. So, health insurance, make that a priority. As far as advocating for sex workers, we need to get it legalized.
Khadijah: We get legalized, that's where the rights come from, all that. Because I think in her issue, just like with any other job, and strip clubs don't offer workers comp. A lot of jobs don't offer, you know? So, it's just things that we just have to think about. I can't imagine being in that kind of situation honestly.
Khadijah: Because I'm going to tell you right now, I'm not a pole worker. I don't know the tricks, I don't try. Just being closer to the ground I feel like I'm going to hurt myself, so, goodness. Really, all we could do is just support ourselves as women. I'm so happy. I've seen the controversy about people in her fund, but people make GoFundMes for absolutely everything and that is especially something she should've made a GoFundMe for. Your hurt...
Kenrya: You need help.
Khadijah: ...People who support you want to help you, let theme. I don't understand the issue, but yeah.
Khadijah: That's pretty much what I have to say all on that. It's not black and white by any means, but I'll just say to all my ladies, "Protect yourself first just in any industry." They don't care about us. I'm in corporate and I feel like I just experienced pregnancy discrimination, but it's not much I can do. I live at a at will state as well, so they could fire me for anything and be okay with it. Cool. It's not something that I could take to court. So, it's a lot of stuff that we sign up for as people, as women. We just need to be aware, combat that as best we can as well as the advocates for our fellow people and people that we connect with. Honestly, I feel like that's just the best we could do right now.
Erica: So, are there any myths about sex work that you want to dispel?
Khadijah: Myths about sex work.
Erica: I mean, you don't do every type of sex work, so I don't want to make it so general, but just about you said you have experience dancing as well as experience being a sugar baby. So, are there any myths about being a sugar baby or a dancer that you want to expel? Dispel.
Khadijah: Okay. Well, I mean, we're considered hoes, whores, sluts, man it's bad. We're just regular people. Some a little more sexually active then others, some not. It's so many strippers that just dance. It's some strippers that will go do beyond that, but it's very individual. So, really I would say just people should stop the generalizations because, boss. You can't generalize them. Just like one person can be a million different things, these women are, so. But then again, I don't care about getting duds. I mean, honestly call me a ho, slut, whore, my bank account is full.
Khadijah: That's all that matters to me.
Erica: This good whore bank account.
Khadijah: Yes. It feeds my daughter, so I don't care. And I don't think anyone else should either and I think once we stop caring and responding and all that, what can you say to someone that's ignoring you? You know what I'm saying?
Erica: Yeah. So, what resources would you recommend for someone who's interested in sugaring?
Khadijah: Okay. So, it's this book that I was just put onto this year. I think it's a great place to start. I found myself like I did a lot of these organically, but I've also from speaking with who aren't really in the life and stuff, that it's not just natural to think those certain ways or I don't want to say manipulate people because I'm really not. People tell me no, I'm like, "Okay, cool." Someone's going to tell me yes. So, I would say read "Hoe Tactics" that's the name of the book. I think it will stop a lot of time wasting because this was very trial and error. I'm still trial and erroring, but I have found stuff that works. This works.
Khadijah: But I would say it's a lot of books out there to read. Research hypergamy, a lot of women first have to be okay with accepting and receiving. I think that's a lot of people's problem and reasons they aren't getting what they want is because they don't know how to accept it. So, I'll start it looking into hypergamy and then I would read the book, "Hoe Tactics" and not judge hoes because hoe can mean a whole lot of things.
Kenrya: Yes. So, "Hoe Tactics" is by G.L. Lambert, right?
Khadijah: Yep. Mm-hmm (affirmative). It's by a man. How beautiful is that?
Kenrya: Right? And hypergamy basically means the practice of marrying a spouse that's of a higher social class basically? Like "marrying up," quote, unquote.
Khadijah: Yep, pretty much. Yep. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Kenrya: Dope. Okay. That's what's up. So, I'm so glad that you were able to join us today. Is there a way for folks who want to learn more about you or connect with you online that you want to share? Your socials or anything like that?
Khadijah: So, I am Aye-dijah on all of my socials, A-Y-E-D-I-J-A-H. So, it's just my regular socials, not attached to anything. I'm pretty much on hiatus from my businesses and stuff right now, but you can always inquire, especially if you want to ask me about sugaring, you want to know about anything of that sort. I really am an open person. I'm really a woman's woman. I love supporting my girls, love supporting my sisters. So, my women out there always feel free to reach out. Yes, ma'am.
Kenrya: That's what's up. Well, thank you so much for joining us this week and thanks to everybody for listening. Bye.
Erica: This episode was produced by us, Erica and Kenrya and edited by B'Lystic. The theme song is from Brazy. We want to hear from y'all, send your book recommendations and all the burning sex and related questions you want us to answer to the TurnOnPodcast@gmail.com. And please subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app, follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast and find links to our books, transcripts, guest info and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com and remember, The Turn On is now part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find more shows you'll love at frolic.media/podcast. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you soon. Holla.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.