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In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya read Delaney Diamond's "Queen of Barrakesch" and talk about wedding night sex and what's turning them on right now.
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: Welcome back to season three. Here we are. We made it to season three. Can you believe it?
Kenrya: We did. It's amazing.
Erica: Yeah, we're dope-
Kenrya: I can because we're dope.
Erica: ... and we knew this was going to happen. But really, dog, season three, we growing up. We're toddlers.
Kenrya: We here.
Erica: We're yanking shit down and-
Kenrya: Toddlers are terrible.
Erica: ... having fits on carpets and eating toilet paper, all the things that toddlers... Losing their bones.
Kenrya: All in non-public places.
Erica: That's what they do. They go... Yeah. That's us. That's us.
Kenrya: That's us.
Erica: Boneless toddlers.
Kenrya: Own this.
Erica: Okay. So, we are back for season three, and we are going to open the season by reading from “Queen of Barrakesch,” which was written in 2020 by the fabulous Delaney Diamond. So, sit back, relax, get your wine. I know y'all been waiting to hear this. Get your wine.
Kenrya: I know I was.
Erica: Get your weed. Get your whatever you need and enjoy.
Kenrya: “Queen of Barrakesch,” by Delaney Diamond. Imani faced her husband. “Came to claim your marital rights?” “If you think by talking to me like that you'll turn me away, you're mistaken.” “Can't blame me for trying.” “I'm not a monster, Imani.” “So, I imagined everything that took place over the past couple of months.” With deliberate slowness Wasim came toward her and stopped inches away. The earthy fragrance of his cologne and the underlying scent of oud drifted into her nostrils. As he dipped his head his lips grazed her air and his breath brushed her earlobe. “Do you remember that night in Estoria? You have no idea how difficult it was to stop kissing you. I've craved you for so long and tonight I won't stop. Tonight...” He kissed behind her ear and the textured softness of his beard added another dimension of sensation. “Tonight I will know every inch of you.” She turned away and tried to find a response to his closeness, his scent, his virility as he towered over her, but Wasim placed a hand at the back of her neck and pulled her into a crushing kiss. Her sense went into an uproar as threads of heat raced through her body. That night, that kiss, and all contacts since then have placed a constant strain on her willpower. Now she was free to give in and she needed more.
Kenrya: Imani wanted to press her aching nipples against his chest to ease the sexual irritation caused by his kisses, but Wasim refused. He held her at bay. In the midst of plundering her mouth he somehow managed to maintain control while she was on the verge of performing a lewd grind against his hips. When he tore his lips from hers Imani gasped in frustration. "Show me," he rasped taking one of her wrists and scouring the hidden designs. She knew immediately what he wanted to see. "Here," Imani said quietly pointing to her inner forearm where his name was hidden in the pattern, "And here." The other artist had hidden his name in the same spot on her left forearm. He whispered something she didn't understand and then kissed her again hard and long, and when he finally stopped he stripped out of his clothes and Imani's mouth went dry. For years she'd only had her imagination for an idea what Wasim must look like underneath his clothes, but her mind had fallen far short of the reality.
Kenrya: His classic male physique consisted of sculpted muscles that ran the length of his body from shoulders to calves. His athletic build made her want to reach out and stroke his firm chest, run her hands down his flat belly, or squeeze the muscles that bulged from his thighs. Wisps of dark hair trailed from his chest to his pelvis and made a path down his legs. He moved closer oozing sexual energy and masculine grace, "Your turn." Within seconds he removed her clothes and was on top of her on the bed. To think she'd plan to lie there on the mattress as an unwilling participant, but that thought had been quickly dismissed the moment he kissed her. Hunger battered her loins and she kissed Wasim with all the pent up desire that had banked over time. When his fingers slipped between her lower lips she twisted in shock. "Mm, you're already so wet. You burn for this as much as I do," he groaned against her collar bone. She succumbed to the battering ram of his seduction gripping his powerful shoulders and twisting her head to claim his mouth. She sucked on his bottom lip thrust her tongue between his lips.
Kenrya: He became almost brutal as he devoured her and matched her ardor. He stretched her hands above her hand and clamped her wrists together with one hand, then his tongue wisps over the tip of one breast while the other bore the brunt of his hands fondling. He squeezed and kneaded and dragged his thumb across the turgid nipple until she was arching her back and writhing in the sheets. Wasim went lower alternating between kisses and whispering erotic words against her skin. "Do you know how many times I've dreamed about this night? How many times I've imagined you naked?" He slid his hands beneath her and his fingers pressed into her bottom as he lifted her to his face. His mouth covered her wet feminine flesh and her head fell back. She grabbed the pillows as she lost her bearing, dizzy with pleasure as his lips and tongue devoured with relish like a man in the harsh lash of starvation.
Kenrya: With one heel propped against his shoulder and fingers gripping a handful of his hair, Imani gasped and whimpered leaving her legs open so he could take what he wanted from between her quivering thighs. She came only moments later and trembled through an earth shattering orgasm. Wasim cradled her body in his arms and waiting until her breathing was back to normal before he resumed his exploration. He truly did learn every inch of her, back, front, thighs, arms, breasts. Not one square inch remained untouched as they made love. He sank his fingers into her hair and brushed his hands over her curves, gathering her breasts in his hands and sucking her swollen nipples he made her desire heat up once again to boiling. She wanted him so bad the aching spot between her legs grew wetter every time his hair roughened thigh brushed against her tender flesh. She bit her lips to resist the urge to beg but didn't know how long that would last if he didn't take her soon. As if he heard her silent plea, Wasim shifted. Gripping his erection, he looked at her with darkened eyes, his face intent.
Kenrya: He settled over her on one arm and brought the broad head of his erection to kiss the entrance of her body. As he sank into her she shifted her hips up and absorbed the slide of his hard length. She almost wept shuttering her eyes as he took full possession of her body. Groaning, her mouth open, Imani shuddered. "You're so tight, so wet," Wasim let out a helpless groan. Then his hips were in motion, slowly at first as they got accustomed to each other, but then he increased his speed. The mattress groaned under the weight of his forceful thrust and her body arched higher. He whispered sensual words to her in Arabic telling her soft her skin was and how good it felt to be inside her. "You're mine now," he whispered. Her eyes flew open. He seized her mouth and she became filled in two places. Her arms went around his neck gripping him close while he sucked her ear and her neck, never once losing the in and out rhythm. Imani got the fingers of one hand into his thick hair and then she was airborne shuttering through another climax that rocked her with the force of an earthquake.
Kenrya: As Wasim's heated grunts beat against her throat her pulsing cries bounced off the walls. She never experienced this with any other man. It was surreal. She moved her hips in a frenzy of motion so she wouldn't miss a single note of his pleasure giving thrusts. In the middle of her orgasm, Imani achieves some clarity. She hate clarity and wished she could go back to not knowing. Not knowing that she loved him and all this time she'd been in deep denial. The truth was a terrible burden to carry in a marriage of convenience based solely on a promise and a political pact. She curled her fingers into tight fists at the back of his head and silently responded to what he said, "Yes, I'm yours."
Erica: And we are back, so that was a really great snippet from “Queen of Barrakesch” written by Delaney Diamond. So, I'm going to start by just giving us a general overview of the story without spoiling again.
Kenrya: Yes, no spoilers.
Erica: Kenrya, you know I'm horrible at selling a story, so-
Kenrya: No, you're not.
Erica: ... just interrupt when I am. But it's a fun romp, but you going to be like, "Bitch, what?" Okay, so two main characters Imani and Prince Wasim?
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: Okay. Midwestern tongue. So, Imani is the ambassador from Zambia to the Kingdom of Barrakesch, and in her job as ambassador she's worked closely with Prince Wasim who is the prince to the Kingdom of Barrakesch. So, Imani's family is like pressing her out like, "Girl, you need to get married," and they are trying to set up an arranged marriage. Prince Wasim's family looks at him as like next in line, like everyone looks at him like, oh, he'd be next in line for the throne but he's not married. He's a bachelor, this will be a problem. But it's not really a problem because the king is fine, he ain't going nowhere so they're like, "We'll jump that bridge, cross that monkey when we get to it." Jump that bridge, cross that monkey. So, in the story the king calls Wasim to his house and is like, "Hey bro, I'm sick. I'ma die very soon. I would make you king but you ain't married." So, the prince is like, "Oh, but dad, you don't know, I got a woman and I plan to propose to her so you can name me king." So-
Kenrya: Yeah, okay. Yes, that does happen eventually.
Erica: Okay. I mean, again I'm fucked up on this story telling especially when I can't tell the spoilers. So, Prince Wasim knows that Imani's family is pressing her out to get married so he's like, "Look, how about we just act like we're going to get engaged. We'll stay engaged until my dad dies, once he dies then, bam, we can break off the engagement. You can go back home, that gives you a little more time to get your family off your back and then that gets me the kingdom," so they agree to it. Then of course the king dies and they're like, "Let's make this a marriage," and so then they choose to marry, hijinks ensue, and this scene that we just read picks up on their wedding night. I got it?
Erica: Fill it in.
Kenrya: I only got two things.
Erica: Color it in, girl.
Kenrya: No. So, the country that she's from is called Zamibia.
Kenrya: Well, because it looks like Zambia but they made up... just like they made up Barrakesch or whatever.
Erica: Oh, I totally... I fucked that pooch.
Kenrya: It's fine. It does look like Zambia, and it was Imani's idea not his.
Erica: Oh, my bad. See, fucking it up. But anyway-
Kenrya: You got it.
Erica: Y'all got the gristle of the story.
Kenrya: Yes. The part that gives it structure.
Erica: Yes, y'all got the gristle. So, the scene that we read was their wedding night, and like good little doobies they decided... I mean, there has been sexual tension in their relationship. They had a fleeting kiss years ago but they've never done the do. They haven't... He ain't even finger popped her once or twice. They have been just good little doobies.
Erica: Chaste. So, this is wedding night sex. So, yeah, you know-
Kenrya: You miss sex, look at your face.
Erica: I do, I miss sex. I miss sex. I actually was going to be like, wedding night sex is not like... Everyone talks like wedding night sex is great and here's the thing, wedding night sex falls in two categories, either, one, you've never fucked a day in your life and then it's like losing your virginity on the main stage which sounds fucking horrible. I can't tell you about that.
Kenrya: Yeah, that's true. A lot of those people... I guess they probably are.
Erica: I mean, yeah. Or-
Kenrya: Especially if you're following the tenants of your religion, which lots of them-
Kenrya: ... including Wasim's-
Erica: Yes, say no fucking before marriage.
Kenrya: ... say that you should not have sex before marriage. So, he's Muslim and Imani is Christian, which we didn't say.
Erica: Or y'all been fucking all the time and it's just another night to fuck, right?
Erica: So, I think wedding night sex is overrated. I remember the night of my wedding I was just so fucking tired I don't even think we did it that night just because it was so much going on, and I didn't have a big wild wedding. We had a little afternoon joint and then we all went to a bar that evening. But it was just-
Kenrya: It was cute.
Erica: ... you know, you had been like-
Kenrya: You went to a bar?
Erica: Yeah, and some man-
Kenrya: I wonder why I didn't go.
Erica: Some man offered to... He like said something lewd to my mama. It was crazy.
Kenrya: Oh, shit.
Erica: We were like in St. Louis, it was like one of this big drunk, you know?
Kenrya: I had my kid, I don't think I made it out because I don't remember that.
Erica: You probably didn't. Yeah, it was like a... Anyway, so it was that but even... but I couldn't imagine having a whole day of stuff and then a big old wedding reception and all the.
Kenrya: And they had a massive wedding. They had more than 1,000 people at their wedding in this book.
Erica: Yeah, this was like a state wedding.
Erica: I could not imagine doing all that shit and then coming in busting out of this dress, titties probably been smashed in on the left side or right, or both, and then expecting to do the do. So, this is for Erica to go down in history of saying wedding night sex is overrated.
Kenrya: I don't even-
Erica: Bust it open the night before, a few days after.
Kenrya: But a lot of people don't like to see each other right before. I don't remember if I had sex on my wedding day.
Erica: You got a do a cute little glory hole situation the night before.
Kenrya: Oh my God. Dude, I legit don't remember. I remember going to city hall, I remember that we went to Red Lobster.
Erica: We went to Red Lobster. We took the train to Red Lobster because that's how we-
Kenrya: And that's probably where my day-
Erica: That's how we celebrate significant events because we're two hoes from the Midwest that are classy than a motherfucker.
Kenrya: But I don't remember anything else that day. Whatever.
Erica: Whatever, fuck it. That's your mind blocking out good-
Erica: That's your mind protecting yourself.
Kenrya: Thank you, mind.
Erica: But yeah, so wedding night sex is just so overrated, but I mean.
Kenrya: Not in this case.
Erica: In this case it actually was, and you know what? So, I can't remember in the book, but were they both virgins? I don't think they were virgins.
Kenrya: No, neither of them was a virgin.
Erica: Which, okay-
Kenrya: They just hadn't been together.
Erica: Which I guess that would be a cute little wedding night situation if it's like I know how this pussy works, I just haven't put this pussy on you, right?
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: As opposed to...
Kenrya: I knew you-
Erica: Yeah, that's a whole different situation.
Kenrya: I'm fumbling in the dark, literally. Yeah, that sounds terrible.
Erica: It does.
Kenrya: Shit, it was terrible the first time it happened.
Erica: Yeah, yeah. So, okay, I guess that is a good... I guess that is good to-
Kenrya: Yeah, because they had built up... like I was ready for it to be hot because they had literally-
Erica: Girl, I was-
Kenrya: ... years of built up tension.
Erica: If you don't throw it on him, I am.
Erica: Because, oh, also, this man... There's something about a hairy man is just... Fix your face. He was written beautifully.
Erica: He sounds like he was a beautiful man and I'm thinking about-
Kenrya: She always talked about his skin being golden and-
Erica: Yeah, just some um and muscles and hair and just... masculineness. Yeah, I would've... So, it actually did seem like a good... Their wedding night sex was a good wedding night because it was more we've been holding out waiting for this and now I'm about to put this pussy on him, which some of... We have a few friends that were fucking in their relationship and then when they got engaged-
Kenrya: And then stopped.
Erica: ... they stopped.
Erica: Remember that convo- Were you with us?
Kenrya: I was like, "What the fuck are you doing?"
Erica: When our friend was like, "You don't let him pet it? Just let him pet it a little bit."
Kenrya: I do indeed remember that conversation. You know, one of our friends and her soon to be husband they legit just stopped doing it.
Erica: Fucking for like, I think it was three, four months?
Kenrya: In preparation for when they got married.
Erica: When they got married.
Kenrya: I'm like, he been fucking... Y'all been...
Erica: Y'all been doing the nasty all up and you just trying not to pregnant?
Kenrya: It's been years, but all right.
Erica: And so we were discussing this and another one of our girlfriend's was like, "But you don't let him pet it? Just pet it a little bit?" And this is actually one of our more tame, calm girlfriend's in the bed.
Kenrya: The one whose... Yeah.
Erica: But I mean, hell, she recognized that if you got in house supply at least let him pet it.
Kenrya: Yeah, but you know, that worked for them. I'm not strong enough.
Erica: Yeah, I was about to say, have you ever been in a relationship where you wanted to intentionally wait for sex, like, okay, we're not going to do it?
Kenrya: Not since high school.
Erica: Not since the store opened has it-
Kenrya: Since fucking been fucking.
Erica: Not since fucking been fucking.
Kenrya: Yeah, in college I definitely was still of the, oh, I got to wait a certain amount of time but I remember even then thinking that that certain amount of time kept getting shorter with every man.
Erica: Right. I had to wait three months, okay 60 days. All right, we going to give him a date over $75.
Kenrya: Exactly. It definitely got shorter and shorter, because I didn't have even my first one night stand until I was good and grown and living in New York.
Erica: My first one, ooh. Yeah, my first one night... like where I knew we just fucking and this is it, I ain't got to see you again, I was a lot older but it was fun.
Kenrya: Which one was my first one? Listen, I had... I've only had three but I feel like they were all within a little period of time when I-
Erica: It was a phase.
Kenrya: It definitely was. Ooh, I don't even remember which one of those was first but the one that I'm thinking of that might've been first was not great.
Erica: Was that the nigga that followed you back?
Kenrya: No, that was good.
Kenrya: It was with one of our college friends on a lost weekend.
Erica: Oh, shit. Boop, put a pin in that one, we'll get back to that later offline. But yeah, I definitely... It took a minute for me to get comfortable with the idea of a one night stand.
Erica: Like going into it being like, "Nigga, I ain't going to see you again."
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative), and being really clear about that and not just thinking it, but saying it and knowing it.
Erica: Yes, girl. Girl, now I'll be like, "Don't take off your shoes, just pull your pants down for a little bit."
Kenrya: Yeah, this will be quick, don't get comfortable.
Erica: Don't get comfortable. Don't get comfortable. That's always fun on vacation too,
Erica: Because you don't have to worry about that.
Kenrya: ... I want to say that was my... My first one actually was the one the one on vacation and, yeah, that nigga did follow me back.
Erica: He was in New York, he was like, "Hey, I'm coming to Harlem."
Kenrya: Yeah, literally. That shit was crazy.
Erica: That is no fucking fun.
Kenrya: It was good though.
Erica: But yeah, I think I did go through a period where I thought I like him so I'm going to wait to have sex with him and then I'll fuck somebody else. And yeah, I don't know what...
Kenrya: I haven't done that.
Erica: I think my... I mean, now that I think it through, my thinking was flawed because it's like...
Kenrya: Either you're going to click or you not.
Erica: Yeah, exactly. And sex-
Kenrya: It's going to work or it's not when you fuck.
Erica: Yeah, and I think that I felt like sex became a problem in relationships because I wasn't clear about what I wanted or clear about what I wanted from that person. So, it just made it muddy because I was afraid to be honest, but now that I'm like, "This is what I want," then it don't make shit difficult, you know?
Kenrya: Yeah, no. I mean, you know, I told me current partner on our second date that I wanted to fuck him.
Erica: To which he was like, "Well, waiter, check please."
Kenrya: No, we didn't do it that night because you were at my house watching my kid.
Erica: Oh, but you came back with your titty pulled out of your shirt.
Kenrya: Oh my God, I totally remember that. My titty... I didn't know it was out.
Erica: Kenrya came upstairs like, "Oh, my bad." I'm like, "Bitch..."
Kenrya: I didn't know it was out.
Erica: "Put your titty away." Damn, I think I fucked up the levels in recreating that. I was like, "Bitch, y'all did have a good date."
Kenrya: We did have a really nice date.
Erica: Yeah, and then y'all got freaky in the car.
Kenrya: We did.
Erica: Thankfully we have a wooded area over there.
Kenrya: Yeah, I mean, I don't care also.
Erica: So, damn, okay. Well, in this story, in the excerpt that you read, one thing that I thought was really beautiful was how she had henna all over her body. I guess that's one of the traditions and he was like, "Show me where my name is."
Kenrya: Yeah, before he would even touch her he was like, "Show me." And I was like, "What? Show you what?"
Erica: I think that is so sexy. I-
Kenrya: Yeah, his name was like hidden in the designs, like wow.
Erica: I was on Twitter the other day and this chick posted a picture of some hand with henna or something and she was like, "Oh, this henna is so beautiful," and this other-
Kenrya: I saw that shit.
Erica: This Indian chick was like, "It's nice but it's nothing-"
Kenrya: She's like, "There's nothing amazing about that."
Erica: "There's nothing amazing about it." She was like, "My sister's had to be done with needle point."
Erica: And I was like, "Yeah bitch, ya dead ass."
Kenrya: And then they started this whole thing of people posting their wedding-
Erica: Wedding henna?
Kenrya: Yeah. It was gorgeous.
Erica: Oh, it was so beautiful.
Kenrya: Because the original one, let's be clear, was done by a white woman. It was very, you know...
Erica: It was like...
Kenrya: [inaudible 00:27:34].
Erica: It was the equivalent of that... when they mentioned one of the clips from Honey and Save the Last Dance when white girl is doing-
Kenrya: Oh my God.
Erica: Doing a hip hop dance.
Kenrya: No, it was crazy.
Erica: It's very a sanitized version of that.
Kenrya: I mean, when I was a kid I don't remember watching it and thinking it was great but I also didn't watch and realize how terrible it was.
Erica: No, I... even to this day I get very... I get secondhand embarrassment when I see white people dancing to hip hop on movies, like step show scenes, like Greek scenes and stuff. Because it be like, dog, ain't nobody-
Kenrya: It's just not... No.
Erica: ... consoled nobody. I was watching an episode of The Parkers where... You're not a Parkers connoisseur?
Kenrya: I haven't watched it since it was on the air in the first place.
Erica: Nigga, I watch it at least-
Kenrya: I know.
Erica: I don't even want to say daily, at least five times a week.
Erica: We watch “The Parkers” in this household, but anyway, but Professor Oglevee and the dude, I forgot his... Torio I don't know. But anyway, they were like in a fraternity and it like Chi Chi Chi or something like that and it was just hor... and I was just watching like, "Oh my God, wasn't nobody Greek on the scene."
Kenrya: Nobody, yeah.
Erica: So, yeah, as a kid I've always seen those and be like, "Ooh, honey, y'all."
Kenrya: You know who did it well? Oh, you haven't gotten that far.
Kenrya: There's an episode in “This Is Us” that you haven't seen yet. Yeah. Bitch, you need to catch up.
Erica: I need to catch up. I got left. I got tired of crying. It was like-
Kenrya: I mean, it was bad. so much has happened.
Erica: At first it was a good cry but then it was just like, girl.
Erica: Like, honey I'm... Ooh, put me on watch.
Kenrya: But it's still so good, but something happens. I can't even tell you what it is because I don't want you to be spoiled, but there was one key detail that I was like, "That ain't right. That's not the right color." You'll know what it is when you see it.
Erica: Okay. But yeah, so the henna was just so romantic and I thought was a great... it was a sexy and intimate and sensual way to get in and get to know one another like, "Mm, let me see where I'm written all over you." Also, I can someone nasty auntie like, "Yeah, we going to put this right here inside that thigh."
Kenrya: I honestly thought that that's what she was about to say.
Erica: I mean, yeah it probably was they probably just didn't get there. And yeah, I would love to do something to my head while it's free but I also don't want to be one of those white girl-
Erica: ... in Central Park appropriating. Yeah, exactly, so I'm not going to. But maybe I'll do some fancy cuts or something, not cuts but you know when I get hair... shaved lines or something not like... Okay.
Kenrya: I like it. I like it a lot.
Erica: Yeah, so you know, I got this little head. So, in the story, Prince Wasim we said is a Muslim, Imani is a Christian and they made it work. It didn't seem like their... They actually talked out the differences in their religions very early on. Have you ever dated a cross religion?
Kenrya: Does Hotep count?
Erica: The 5 percenter.
Kenrya: Sure. I've dated guys that identified as the 5 percenters and Hebrew Israelites. I know about the mathematics. I know what the-
Erica: What's that?
Kenrya: Oh, God. So, all the numbers stand for different things, so like two is wisdom which is woman. A woman is a man's... Have you ever... “I be your Noah, you be my Wiz.” He's saying, "You're my wisdom-
Kenrya: "You're my number two, my two."
Kenrya: Seven is a divine number, all the numbers mean different things. That's a conversation.
Erica: We can tell you done laid in bed listening to niggas talk about this shit.
Kenrya: Girl, I feel like it is a very specific New York experience when you date niggas that like from New York, from the Boroughs.
Erica: New York listeners, raise your hand if you've dated a 5 percenter. And you know what? Most of the time I will... Tell me if I'm right or wrong, most of the time you don't realize until you're in deep and y'all laying in bed after sex and he's like, "You my Wiz, girl."
Kenrya: Yeah. And I had never even heard of all of that before that nigga, so it was something new.
Erica: Because in Midwest.
Kenrya: Yeah, it was not a thing that I knew anything about, but then I started making associations and realized what the fuck was going on. Yeah, it got kind of deep. I mean, I was... A couple months ago my partner was watching this show on cults, that People show where they cover different cults.
Kenrya: And he was like, "Weren't you talking about this?" And it was Nuwaubian Nation.
Erica: They went down to like South Carolina and scared all them white people, right?
Kenrya: Georgia, yeah. They moved from Queens to Georgia and had a whole fucking compound with fake ass pyramids and all of this stuff. Yeah, I was in the process of being recruited, did not know that until I watched that documentary that it was a full on cult and all the things that went along with that. I had no fucking idea.
Erica: That's fucking crazy. I can laugh about it now, but scary at the same time because thank God you were of, you know, right sound mind to like push back.
Kenrya: Without even knowing the full scope of it being like, "No, that's not for me."
Erica: Yeah, I could totally see how some young girl or young person not really understanding, because again, some of this is alluring and it draws you to it.
Kenrya: It's different.
Erica: Because some of it makes sense. It makes sense to a certain level.
Kenrya: Especially because it's cloaked in this pro-Blackness that you don't realize until you get in is anti-woman.
Erica: Yes. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, "We will step on woman to attain the same privileges that white men have."
Kenrya: Yeah, because it's specifically anti-Black woman.
Kenrya: Which is fucking crazy, but all that to say that's nothing like being a Christian.
Erica: Now that we've... Yeah. I don't-
Kenrya: Yeah, have you?
Erica: You know, I don't think so. Most of the men that I have dated have been very, "I'm spiritual, I'm not into church." And then their spirituality may be like an amalgamation of things, of various things. Which I'm cool with because at the end of the day I feel like all religion is just a bunch of different stairs, like a bunch of different stairways to the same heaven. Like we going to get up there and be like, "Oh, shit."
Kenrya: Hey boo.
Erica: You made it here too? You know, so I'm whatever, however you choose to practice as long as you're generally a good person, ain't out here fucking killing or...
Kenrya: Yeah, you have some kind of a moral compass.
Erica: Yeah, exactly. So, I don't think that... I can't recall dating anyone seriously that I've had a religious difference, like we've come from different religions. Also, I wasn't raised in a point where it's like, where that type of thing would be forefront in my mind like, "Oh, he's from a different religion." But I do know that now I tend to... I'm not really into guys that are like, "Oh, I'm Atheist," just because I feel like you need to have some sort of a... like this shit is just too big and too vast and too expanse, and there is so much magic in this world that it's hard for me to take seriously someone that can look in the face of that stuff and be like, "But there's no divine power in this world." And that's one of those just fundamental... because I'm perfectly fine with not knowing some shit or not knowing how some shit works. Actually it's easier for... Oh, I ain't got to know this? Cool. At work they get mad at me because I am the woman that's like, "Don't include that. We going to give you just the information you need to know. If you want to know more, ask."
Erica: I'm not going to withhold it, but I'm not going to overload you with information. That's how I feel with religion, like we going to get to a point where you drill down to a certain... when I drill down to an atom, I don't know how the fuck that atom got here, what makes it quirk and do the atom things but I just know that there's a divine spark, and whatever you believe that divine spark to... you know?
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: And so it's hard for me to reason with people because also to me that's what makes the world beautiful and magical and special and makes me feel special, you know, knowing that there's a divine power out here that's looking out for me. And sometimes I do get a shit end of the stick but it's going to all come around and things work in my favor, so it's really hard for me to be interested in men that flat out say, "I don't believe in God. I don't believe that there's any divine power."
Kenrya: Yeah, that's real. I'm thinking back to when I was dating and stuff, yeah I mean I guess I'm with you in that it would be ideal that they believe in something because I live so much of my life guided by faith that the idea that someone may perhaps poo poo that or try to make it... because I mean there are some, and definitely not all because I have friends who are Atheist, but some Atheists who I've come across who... There are some Atheists who I've come across who have not, you know, we talk about not yucking anybody's yum?
Kenrya: Where they yuck my yum as a Christian and I think that that's where the disconnect comes from because I don't want to feel like I have to hold back on my praise or not express the faith that I have that gets me through because this person thinks I'm stupid because I believe in something bigger than myself. That said, I don't feel like I couldn't be with somebody just because they believe something different than I do but there has to be a mutual respect there where we both attempt to understand what each other believes in and respects that that is what it is. Even with... Oh, Agnostic, and I respect someone who doesn't know, right? Because Agnostics say, "I don't know."
Erica: Yeah, exactly.
Kenrya: And I think a lot of that too.
Erica: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so part of this story, part of the plot of this story, is that Imani rejects the idea of an arranged marriage because she wants to marry for love. She doesn't whole heartedly... She's not one of those like, "Over my dead body." She's just like, "I'm open to seeing who you might..." because her parents had some guy and she looked at him like, "Okay, maybe." So, she was kind of open to the idea of it but very grounded in the fact that we're not going to get married unless we absolutely love each other and want to be together. This isn't going to be a, you know, you show up, I show up, oh, hey, we getting married, kind of thing. Oh, and also this story shows a nuance, well it's not even a nuance, but it shows there's a very... an arranged marriage is very different from a forced marriage. So, this is an arrange... her parents want to put her in an arranged marriage which is, "Hey, hey, we hooking y'all up. Y'all going to get married," and all parties are like, "Yes, we're going to get married," which is very different from a forced married which is just that. You're currently partnered, and hopefully will be forever, but would you trust somebody to pick a partner for you, and if so, who?
Kenrya: Oh, shit. I don't-
Erica: Put your eyes back in your head please.
Kenrya: Would I trust somebody to pick a partner for me? I mean, I think that that's what we're doing when our friends set us up, right?
Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Kenrya: I think I would trust someone who knows me really well. I would not trust my family to do that. I have not lived in Cleveland for going on 21 years. Holy fuck.
Erica: I know, we've been living here-
Erica: ... well, away from home longer than we lived at home.
Kenrya: Yeah. And while, sure, my family knows me to a degree, they don't know me the way you know me.
Erica: Yeah, like y'all knew me as a child, y'all knew me living under someone else's roof.
Kenrya: And they know this image that they have of me as the one who got out, you know what I mean?
Kenrya: I'm not... I think that they absolutely have this vision of who I am that is not really who I am, and that anybody that they picked would be based on the wrong fucking person.
Erica: You know, that's interesting you say that because I think I have been... I've been spending more time around my family. When my grandmother passed away I was stuck in St. Louis for two weeks and then going through surgery and treatment I've had family spending significant time, and I think this past... I want to say like past couple years they are really reconciling who they thought I was with who I am, and it's been very interesting watching them kind of put the two together. My younger sister is like, you know, my family is like, "Oh my God, Erica. Can you believe?" My sister's like, "That bitch been like that. Y'all bitches just don't want to pay attention." Because, yeah, I am very much the one that got out and I was always the quiet goody two shoes. Shut up, bitch. I'm the quiet one in my family which is fucking scary, but I am. Not as much anymore but I was the quiet one. It was one of those ways that I just kind of stayed below the radar. I was either quiet or over performing, out performing, so I'd be the good one. Co-dependency like a mother fucker.
Erica: But it's been really interesting to see my family put the two together. I remember I was talking to my aunt, the one that stayed with me, and she was like, "You smoke weed?" I was like, "Yeah." "Oh my God, people that don't do anything smoke weed." I was like, "Yeah, I smoke and then I go to work the next day, like that's life." So, I don't think I could have my family do an arranged marriage for me because, yeah, it be a hot mess. It would be a hot mess, and not even on some like... what the person does or how they look, just on like what I would want out of somebody.
Kenrya: No, just the personality.
Erica: You know of anybody in an arranged marriage, that had an arranged marriage?
Kenrya: I don't think I know anyone personally who does. I think some parents of some of my friends have arranged marriages, like some of my immigrant friends, but no one personally. That said, I've heard lots and lots of stories about how they work well, you know?
Erica: Yeah. See, I think age has a lot to do with it also. I think had I been put in an arranged marriage at 18-
Kenrya: Oh, God.
Erica: ... versus... you know, it's just you're... [crosstalk 00:45:43].
Kenrya: You don't know who you are.
Erica: Yeah. I'm able to kind of grow with that person and we kind of grow together as opposed to-
Kenrya: Or not.
Erica: ... throwing this Black as... But, yeah, you're right.
Kenrya: I mean, I think about who I was at 18, I'm like a whole other ass person.
Erica: But you had experiences that shaped you to be... lead up to... you know, certain experiences caused you to become, you know, shape you into the person that you are now and I think that if you were put in an arranged marriage at... If you chose to be in an arranged marriage at 18 you'd have... you'd likely have situations that... If you're put in an arranged marriage at 18 or if you chose to be in an arranged marriage at 18 you'd likely be in more situations that would cause you to grow more with that person if that's what you genuinely choose to do, you know? So, yeah, that's very different than this 38, 39 year old Erica getting thrown into... Shit, I couldn't be in a... It was hard me being in a chosen marriage with a motherfucker in my 30s let alone somebody else picked him. I picked this motherfucker.
Kenrya: Right. Which I think is what brings me back to the whole picking thing because I think that one of the things that has changed, at least for me and I think for you too, is that my picker is better.
Erica: Yes, much better.
Kenrya: Yeah. So, whoever were to do the picking would have to have that same sensibility.
Erica: Yeah. Do you think it's possible to learn to love somebody? Like if you walked into an arranged marriage situation and said, "Hey, this seems like a fit. I'm going to choose to love this person, learn to love this person in order to buy into the situation?"
Kenrya: I mean, I think that's what we do in every situation, right?
Kenrya: We learn to love the people who we are around. I think that we choose to love and learn to love our family members. We learn to love the folks who are our chosen family. If you look at how your relationships with your friends change over time and how you can see certain things in them and be like, "This bitch is wilding," but also still love her at the same time. And even with your romantic partners, you're learning to love them. You're learning how to love them, right? What are their love languages? What are the things that make them feel loved? What are the ways that you feel loved? What are the ways that you want to express yourself in terms of bringing those two things together? All of that to me is learning to love someone.
Kenrya: I guess it's just the timeline is different.
Erica: I feel like this is a theme among a lot of the books that we have planned for this season, but love is love. There are different types of love or the different relationships. Have you seen the thing... I'm taking a polyamory course.
Kenrya: Agape love.
Erica: Yeah, I'm taking a polyamory course and the first slide was like, "What is love?" And they talked about the agape love and the eros, just the different types of love. But at the end of the day-
Kenrya: Yeah, I've written about it a bit actually.
Erica: ... they're all love and they all have the same characteristics of this being a choice to, you know, choosing to stick with this person through the shit. So, nonetheless I think you really highlight that and I think we're going to see that in some of the other books that we have for this season. Okay y'all, so one of the things that we would like to do for season three is introduce a new segment that we like to call What's Turning Us On.
Kenrya: What's Turning Us On.
Erica: Did that... Did we say that correctly?
Erica: What's turning us on? Okay, anyway so in this segment we just going to put y'all onto some new shit that we love, enjoy, think you might be interested in. We'll make sure we provide links and all of that stuff so that you can get turned on too in addition to listening to us.
Kenrya: And then you can use these things while you listen to us.
Erica: Yeah. Okay, so-
Erica: ... the first thing that we are going to tell you about is this thing it's called The G-spot Clitoral Vibrator For Women, Couples Vibrator, Waterproof and Rechargeable Clitoris G-Spot-
Kenrya: It's got the most descriptive name.
Erica: ... Simulator Adult Sex Toy.
Erica: Parenthesis purple, parenthesis couple.
Kenrya: Lower D.
Erica: So, I found this thing because-
Kenrya: Wait, first describe it to the people.
Erica: Well, I was going to tell them how I found it and then describe it. So, I found this thing... I follow somebody on Twitter and she's a sex worker and was like, "Nigga, I almost died. Y'all need to try this." So, I clicked the link on Amazon, it was like 30 bucks so I was like, "Fuck it, let me try it. Let me send it to Killa so she can try it." And like-
Kenrya: No, that's not what happened. I was in your room-
Erica: Did I use it?
Kenrya: No, you had it but you hadn't used it yet and I was in your room because you had just got your little chest to keep all your toys in.
Erica: I have this ottoman at the foot of my bed that I keep all my toys in, but yeah okay, sorry.
Kenrya: And I saw it and you were like, "This chick said this shit the truth," and I was like, "Well, I'm going to get one too."
Erica: Yes. So, as I look at our Amazon account, because we niggas and share, it already put you on blast like, "You purchased this two times." So, thank you Amazon, we're hoes.
Kenrya: Yeah, it's fine.
Erica: So, I'm going to describe it, Kenrya you can chime in. The best way to describe it is it looks like a U but one side of the U is thing and shorter than the other side of the U which is fat and longer. Does that work?
Kenrya: Yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative). It's purple.
Erica: And it's purple and it's rechargeable, and what else did they say?
Kenrya: It vibrates.
Erica: So, I fucking love this joint. First, it's rechargeable so it has like a little magnetic thing, and one of the things that I find important about my sex toys because I keep everything in my ottoman, I like being able to quickly charge it and not have to think about it and it has the magnetic charger so you just kind of click it on. So, that's what I like about it among many things. It has a little button on the top that gets the vibration going and then it also has-
Kenrya: A remote.
Erica: I'm learning... A remote?
Erica: I didn't know it had a remote.
Kenrya: We used the remote at first but I haven't used it in a while.
Erica: Yeah. So, the way that it works, both ends vibrate. So, the way I use it, the big fat end you put it in you. It's kind of like you put it in your vagina, and the little end goes in your vagina and kind of vibrates and then the big end, the fat end, sits on top and it vibrates your clitoral hood and clit and all that stuff. Right? Well, that's how I use it.
Kenrya: That's how you use it. Do you ever use it with a partner, or do you-
Erica: I use it with a partner, that's the only time to use it.
Kenrya: So you have it inside and you have a penis in there?
Erica: So, here's the thing, not saying he had a weenis but he didn't have a big dick.
Kenrya: Oh, okay. [crosstalk 00:56:01].
Erica: And so I was able to work it.
Kenrya: That don't work for me. So, the way that I use it-
Erica: I feel like it could if [crosstalk 00:56:07].
Kenrya: No, we tried.
Kenrya: The way... It hurt. The way that I use it-
Erica: We use like ignorant amounts of lube and his weenis.
Kenrya: Yeah, I'm not doing the weenis situation. So, I use it, I have the small... well, I use it a couple of ways but when we used it... when we tried to use it when we first got it, we tried it inside, it didn't work. So, then I put the little part on my clit and then the big part on my vulva so that it was like kind of vibrating the g-spot from the outside. So, that's what worked for me and then-
Erica: So, you kind of laid it flat?
Kenrya: Kind of, yeah. You're body has a natural curve so it don't really have to lay flat, it just kind of opens up.
Erica: Yeah, it's not like it's flat, but yeah.
Kenrya: Yeah, and so that's usually how I've used it and sometimes he'll use it if he's just trying to get me off independently. But the way that we use it most often is not the way it was intended, so if I'm on top I use it almost like a cock ring but it's got more size to it.
Kenrya: So, then the little part is in the front and it's on my clit and then the back part is actually in my butt so you get yah. You get double vibration and penetration that you get to control. It is like my...
Kenrya: Oh, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. It's done.
Erica: Oh my God.
Erica: I like that. So-
Kenrya: I love this little thing.
Erica: I love it because, like I said, I was using it with a weenis, but it's great because not only do you... I feel like with me and sex it's like a three ring circus, like I want to have everything go-
Kenrya: Spinning plates, and yeah.
Erica: Yeah, I'm like, "Where's the lions? Where's the tigers? I need the guy jumping through hoops." So, I like this because I get the vibration inside and then I get the vibration on my clit, but also my partner gets the vibration as he's in and out of me. Now, when you use it like that you can't be doing too much, you got to like... you can't be-
Kenrya: Just a real simple in and out.
Erica: Yeah, you got to just keep that shit simple.
Kenrya: Yeah, we... that just didn't work.
Erica: But it was great, and like I said, this dude had... he had a good size penis, like I said it wasn't a... because also you can't always do everything with a big dick.
Kenrya: No, that's true.
Erica: And his dick was... he had an acrobatic dick. You know, just some dicks-
Kenrya: It did tricks.
Erica: Some dicks are made for tricks, some dicks are made for tricks. That's the thing we're coming out with this.
Kenrya: The moral of the story.
Erica: But yeah, so he had a trick dick and it worked really well, and bitch I tell you, my eyes literally rolled back in my head like a slot machine. It was like...
Erica: But yeah, so this is my good little toy. I love it, I suggest everyone use it. Okay y'all, so that's the first time we're doing this segment in what's turning us on.
Kenrya: In what's turning us on.
Erica: So, yeah, hope this turns you on.
Kenrya: Until next time, we are Kenrya and Erica.
Erica: Two hoes making it clap!
Kenrya: Making it clap!
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B’Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Now you can support The Turn On and get off! Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app, then drop us a five-star review and you’ll be entered to win something that’s turning us on. Just post your review and email a screenshot to TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com to enter. Our Patreon page is also live—become a supporter today and access lots of goodies, including The Turn On Book Club and two-for-one raffle entries! Don’t forget to send us your book recommendations and “sex and…” related questions and follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. You can find links to books, merch, transcripts, guest info and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Thanks for listening and we’ll see you soon. Bye!
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.