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This week, Erica and Kenrya talk about E's experience with a professional dom, overcoming hang ups around hiring sex workers and the importance of aftercare.
King Heff, Pro Dom | Instagram | Twitter | Linktree
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: Okay. So Killa.
Erica: I did a thing.
Kenrya: What did you do?
Erica: So, you know I quit my job, right?
Kenrya: I’m well aware.
Erica: So when I quit my job, I gave myself a gift and that gift was a session with a pro dom.
Erica: I decided we'd have a little storytime.
Kenrya: Yes. So we know how much y’all love storytimes and them shits is fun.
Erica: Okay. So store time, storytime.
Kenrya: Wait. I just realized we both wearing turbans. These are things y’all miss when y’all don't watch us on YouTube.
Erica: What'd you say?
Kenrya: I said, I just realized we are both wearing turbans.
Erica: Yeah. It's just because I need a haircut and just-
Kenrya: Do you know how long it's been since I wash and twisted my fucking hair?
Erica: You have a lot, so that's a lot.
Kenrya: It's so much hair and it takes so long, but I'm committed to doing it this weekend because I'm tired of looking at it.
Erica: Okay. All right, look at you.
Kenrya: Yeah. I'mma try.
Erica: Okay. Well, so you ready?
Kenrya: So tell me, storytime. Yes.
Erica: Okay. So you know for a while I've been saying that I'm really interested in BDSM. I've done light play, but I was like, I want to do a real scene with someone that knows what the fuck they're talking about. So, I follow pages and end up down rabbit holes. And so I follow a few doms and there was this one dom that I started following-
Kenrya: On IG?
Erica: Yeah. This one dom that I started following and just physically everything, totally my type. Totally my type.
Kenrya: So it's a big Black nigga with a beard?
Erica: Exactly, with a big gray beard. So I was like, yes. So I have been following him for a while and one day he posted a video and it was a short snippet of a session with somebody. And I instantly remember going to his DMs like, oh, okay. I'm booking a session, what's good?
Erica: So, he travels, he does a lot of stuff. He's always everywhere. So he was like, these are the dates that I'm in DC. I'm like, I won't be available, but let me know. So long story short, he comes back to DC on a date that I can do it. So I'm like, let's go at it. So leading up to the session... And once I booked the session first, I booked the session and then he was like, send me a list of your hard and soft limits. And he sent me a couple articles to read about BDSM and spankings and all of that. And he's like, what do you want to get out of this? And I was just like, ummm. I ain't say that. Because I was just like, look, I've never done this and I'd really like to experience it.
Erica: So, weeks go by, I'm like fucking off I never sent him the list. So then he kind of turns into like daddy mode and he's like, “I need this shit by Friday.” And I was like, “Okay.” And he's like, “Okay, what?” And I was like, “Oh we doing this. Okay Daddy Heff.” His name is King Heff, he's on Instagram @KingHeffs. I'll link him because y’all would want to see, y’all want to are going to want to have a session. So anyway, so I sent him the information and my session was on a Monday. So he gets to town that Sunday and he's doing a... He also does these seminars. So he was doing a choking seminar, like how to properly choke a bitch. It was not called how to properly choke a bitch, but he probably said it how to probably choke a bitch, a couple times in it. So he calls me the night before my session, before his seminar.
Kenrya: Choke a bitch situation.
Erica: So he is like, “Hey, I got an Airbnb. We're doing the session. If you want, you can come by, you can see the session, see the workshop and it'll be a good chance for us to kind of meet before you show up like, hey girl, get spanked.” So I was like, “All right.” So I did it. So I show up at his house and he's there. One of his submissive is there and they're mad cool, we talk, drink a little bit. Yada yada. Session starts, and I am just like, “Nigga sign me up. Oh wait, tomorrow!”
Kenrya: Right. And so wait, the session is on like-
Erica: He does it via Zoom.
Kenrya: Zoom or something? He's streaming?
Erica: Yeah. He does it via Zoom, you buy tickets and all that. And it was just amazing. He chokes, but while he's choking you he's whispering shit in your ear. Have you seen the tapping thing where people do this or they do this?
Erica: He does that shit while he's choking you out. So he's like choking you and tapping your forehead and whispering shit in your ear. And it is just like, “Nigga, now. Please. Thank you very much.” So session was over, went well. Yay. So I'm leaving. He's like, “Hey, take a cookie, eat this cookie tomorrow. Right before your session.” I was like, “All right, cool.” And I'm noticing that he had, he sells these cookies, but I was like, whatever. So I was just like, “All right, I'll take the cookie.” So go home. Next morning, he texted me, he's like, “Everything good? Ready to come over?” I'm like, “Yep.” Get over there at our intended time.
Kenrya: And you had already taken a cookie.
Erica: Yeah. I ate the cookie and then I headed over there. So one of the things that is such a turn on is the consent involved in negotiating in these scenes. So I walk in and like I said, we're in an Airbnb, and it's like a typical DC house. So you walk in first floor steps right in front of you.
Kenrya: Steps right there.
Erica: Exactly. So I come in, he's there, his submissive is there. She's setting stuff up. She has water out for me, water out for him. And she's like, “Okay, y’all have a good time.” Gives him kiss and she rolls. And I was like, time for this to begin. So I looked to my left and on the couch are all these implements, all these accoutrements.
Erica: And we went through every single one, one by one. “Erica, can I use this on you?” And I was like, “Yeah.” “Erica, can I use this on you?” So he has this one flogger, it's pretty, but it looks scary because it's got like rubber tails on it and rubber I'm afraid of, because I'm like, that shit probably hurt more than usual. So I was like, I don't know. And he was like, talk to me, this is about communication. I was like, “I'm afraid of it.” And he was like, “It's okay.” And he puts it in the no pile and then he has... So he had a bunch of different floggers. He had this little thing, you know when you see people making ravioli and they're like cutting the sides of it?
Kenrya: Yeah. I think it's called a Wartenberg wheel, that thing?
Erica: Yeah. So he had one of the motherfuckers and I was like, okay. And I went to a workshop conference a while back and they had electro play. They were talking about electro play. And so I was like, “I don't know because when I did it in the seminar, you standing in a fucking hotel conference room and she's like, and I'm like, I don't know.” So I was like, “Let's put this on the maybe pile.”
Kenrya: Maybe, yeah.
Erica: And then the final piece, he has a hood and he's like, “Can I use this on you?” And I was like, “Yep.” Because the idea of sensory deprivation just oh, makes me excited.
Kenrya: What that a different experience than using just a regular mask or whatever?
Erica: Yeah, because the hood you ain't seeing nothing. You know how with a mask, if you doing too much, you can be like... A hood-
Kenrya: A cheater.
Erica: Yeah. Hood ain't no thing.
Kenrya: And then is it just like a space for you to breathe and-
Erica: It's literally like a hole cut on the mouth.
Kenrya: In your mouth? Okay.
Erica: And that's it. So once we're finishing negotiating, he's like, all right, hood goes on. I was like, “Oh shit.”
Kenrya: It's time.
Erica: It's time. Let's get ready to rumble.
Kenrya: I think you got to pay to say that now. You might want to be careful.
Erica: Oh shoot, you do? All right.
Kenrya: Well, no one's allowed to use it because dude owns it. Wow. And then he retired. So when you watch boxing now like Top Rank and shit like that, all the announces have bootlegs ass, janky ass, fucking catch phrases, because they're not allowed to say let's get ready to rumble.
Erica: Tonight let's fight. Get it tight.
Erica: Whatever nigga. Okay. So bam, let's go at it. So he guides me by my hand over like a love seat and I am in it. I get on my knees and I'm like on my knees leaned over the love seat with my butt on the air, right? Oh, what was I wearing? I went with lingerie because I was like, I want to feel sexy. I want to feel sensual, so I had on lingerie. So here I am, ass up, face down and it starts. So first he starts off slow. So he'll do hand spankings and then he'll alternate it. And he'll hit you with the flogger. And it's really interesting because... If you spank something for so long, your skin gets hot. So then he would lightly rub his fingers across my butt to like...
Kenrya: Take some of the sting away?
Erica: Yeah. Or it was like, he knew just enough to make it hurt when you're like, “Oh my God, that hurts so bad. I'm not sure if I can take anymore.” And before I even say anything, he's like, whoop let's switch it up. So you're constantly going to this pain threshold. And it was just, I was just, bitch. He's like spanking me and shit. And it was amazing that I was... I usually got to fuck to come. I got to fuck. I need some clit action. I need something to come. Girl, this shit had me like ready to come, just from spanking me, all this shit. Then I hear him kind of walk off. He comes back. This motherfucker have floggers in the freezer.
Erica: And then so also when you're getting flogged, they do this whippy thing. So they like, you feel the air, but it doesn't hit you. So then you're feeling cold air and then it's like, bitch, it was amazing. So then he takes me over to a chair, leads me by my hand to a chair, cuffs my hands behind my back. And I am just like, this is definitely an exercise in trust. You have to trust this person because I mean like, bitch a bunch of little motherfuckers could have came kicking me in my gut and I would have been stuck.
Erica: So I'm sitting in a chair and this nigga... So up until this point, it was mainly the flogger. He would kind of run his nails against my skin or spank me with his hand. But then he was like, it's time to use some other shit. This motherfucker had a vibrator. And he started poking me with the vibrator in different parts of my body. Bitch, this nigga hit my lower back and I came. I came, I squirted everywhere. It was like-
Kenrya: The fuck?
Erica: It was amazing. It was amazing. And it was like an intense ass orgasm.
Kenrya: From your lower back.
Erica: It was so intense. It was like all of my body, it was like I was one big ass clit. It was like, everything was connected and it was oh. So, the cookies we're wondering about, the cookies he sells them. They're called like pussydoodle, they're like snickerdoodles, but they make your pussy wet and no fucking lie, I am not a squirter. I am not a squirter. You know them little fountains in the parks? That was me the entire time.
Erica: So much so, at one point I could hear him sloshing through, stepping in wet shit. I was like, someone going to have to clean this shit up. It was fucking amazing. Like it was so fucking amazing. So then he pulls out the little electro play thing. So an electro play thingy, I don't even know, wand, it looks like an immersion blender. You know how an immersion blender has a handle and then the little thing is sticking-
Kenrya: Yeah, you got me an immersion blender for Christmas a couple years ago. And I got you one too. The same year.
Erica: Exactly. Right. So it has all these different tips. So it has like a little bulb tip. You run it across, but then it has some pointed tips, but it also has this attachment because one it was over, I was like, nigga I need to see this.
Kenrya: I need to see what the fuck, yeah.
Erica: It's this attachment. It's like a metal plate. So he put it in his waistband. So the metal plate sits against your body and you hold the wand and you adjust the power on it. But because the metal plate is against your body, your entire body is electrified. So every time he ran his hand against my arm, it was like light electricity. And you can change the intensity. We started at a really low intensity. So it kind of felt like... This is a horrible description, it felt like I was in soda bubbles, what's the thing called? It was so nice. And so, he is doing that and he is like, other shit. And he kind of turns it up. And that's the thing.
Erica: I think if I ever was just to be fucking and a nigga pull out a fucking cane and smacks me against the ass, I'm going to be like, “What the fuck?” Bitch, by the end of this, he’s like smacking me hard as fuck with a cane. And I was like, “Oh, this is great.”
Kenrya: Because y’all worked up to this, my guess. Right?
Erica: Exactly. And it was so fucking amazing. I came a million times. Oh, sorry, let me end it first before I give the recap. So here I am squirting, and coming and coming, and squirting and coming and squirting. So then I get out of chair, he unlocks me, puts me back in the chair with my butt up and he has an anal plug. And so here's the thing with anal. I've talked about it. I have a love, hate relationship with it. I love it. But I just, I don't anal train. Girl by the time we got there-
Kenrya: It's a lot of work.
Erica: That nigga was like, that's me with a water bottle. Okay, maybe it wasn't a water bottle, but I was so loose and it was just-
Kenrya: All that coming.
Kenrya: It got to open your booty hole.
Erica: Yeah. That was it. It like released everything. It was amazing, nothing short of amazing. When it was all said and done, I felt like I had like... You know how you leave a spa and you're just like, your body feels light and wibbly? And that is how I felt. It was fucking amazing.
Kenrya: That's what’s up.
Erica: And then when it's all over with, he's like, “What do you need? Do you need a hug? Do you need to sit there alone?” I was like, “Give me some water.” I'm standing there like a little baby drinking down water. It was amazing. Nothing short of amazing. I have decided that this is something that I will regularly do for myself because it was amazing. And it compares in no way, shape or form to just some random nigga saying, “Hey, I know how to whoop your ass.”
Kenrya: That's what I was going to ask, it feels like because he is a professional, that this is some next level shit than just some nigga who wants to smack your ass.
Erica: Yes, he's a pro. And so I think he has years of experience of knowing how to take you to your highs and your lows. But I also feel like if your partner was just really determined to listen and pay attention and do this, I think it's possible for your partner to do it. But I think it's just something that, this ain't just walking in and smacking a bitch on her ass. This ain't just choking a motherfucker out. There's so much more to it that people miss out on. And he provided it. I was like, yo, this shit is...
Kenrya: What did the aftercare look like? I know you said he gave you a bunch of water, but what else was involved in aftercare? That's such a big part of BDSM, I know.
Erica: For me, I like snuggles. So he literally sat there and held me on the couch and snuggled. It was great. Some people like, “I need frozen Reese's cups.” Okay. Everyone gets their own thing. And I think maybe once I do it more, I probably will find what my thing is. But for this situation it was cuddles and we literally sat down the couch and he held me kind of, it was just like, I just needed to come down. I was like buzzing. And so I just needed something to hold me-
Kenrya: Some containment.
Erica: As everything came down.
Kenrya: What, what did you learn about yourself in this process?
Erica: It's a mindfuck. And Daddy Heff always says like, where the mind goes, the body will follow. I think he says somebody else said it, but I don't remember, but where the mind goes, the body will follow. And that is so true. I was amazed, I thought that I was the type of person that generally needed just penetrative sex or some sort of action on my clit. But it was truly like for the first time I saw my entire body as one sexual organ, it was beautiful.
Kenrya: Maybe this is that, but I'm going to ask it anyway, was there anything that was surprising about the process?
Erica: Bitch, how I squirted like a motherfucker. I was like, God damn. I was surprised. I was truly surprised about that piece. I was also surprised at how cool everybody was, like him, his submissive. It was just like, okay, I see why this works. Everybody was just cool and chill and all of that.
Kenrya: Is there anything that you would've done differently? Hindsight, being 20/20?
Erica: I probably wouldn't have waited so long to do it. Personally, I had hang ups about... We all have hang ups. But I made a very conscious decision to employ a sex worker for my gratification. And so then you're like, I'm hiring a John, that kind of shit. And now I'm just like, going through it, I'm like some of y’all need to try this. Some of y’all walking around and you need to just need to be properly unwound. And I hate that, that was a thing because I consider myself very sex positive and yada, yada. But it was always like a, “You like it? I love it. It ain't my thing.” But no, it's totally my thing. Because also, you get what you paid for, and I paid for a professional that knew exactly what the fuck he was doing and how to do it as opposed to spending my time at Olive Garden with a motherfucker, who brought me home, spit on his dick and thought he was doing some, right?
Kenrya: Yikes. That makes me think about, two things like at various times, as you said earlier, talked about the possibility of integrating more BDSM into your sexual relationships. And then you also just said that you're planning on doing this in terms of working with a pro worker on kind of a regular basis. I'm wondering how you think you might integrate, what you learned and what you experienced into your sex life with your current partners? If at all, maybe you won't.
Erica: That's the thing. So I think I am going to... Here's the thing, I feel like having gone through this, I feel like this is something you got to study for. You got to know what the fuck you're doing. And I've had really great partners, sexual partners. The one sexual partner, I think that would really be into like, “Okay, let me figure this out” and that kind of thing. He told me from the beginning, “I have an allergy to pain. I have an allergy to my pain and inflicting pain,” so that he's out the window. And then the other motherfucker is like, “If these niggas ask me to take some courses to fuck them better, I'd be like…“
Kenrya: “Fuck, that's too much work.”
Erica: All right. And then I do that thing we talked about in the other episode, ghosting. So I think right now that's something that I would necessarily incorporate, but I definitely see... Once I end up in a monogamous relationship and we're riding this shit out like, nigga you got to go to seminars, we got to do something because it was just great. So here's the thing, we talked about anal a lot, and I feel like there's so much talk about women, how to prepare for anal, how to do anal. There's no training for men on how to do anal. And there is a lot of shit that goes into anal for men that they just don't think about. They just think it's just like, you show up [crosstalk 00:28:13].
Kenrya: People with penises.
Erica: That's the same way with BDSM. I feel like, niggas just show up thinking, this is easy. And it's like, no. You have to be conscious and conscientious about what you're doing, especially if you're doing it right. As a submissive, as a bottom, you have safe words and they talk about slipping into subspace where you're just kind of like in a trance. And not that you're unable to function, but you're in a trance and just kind of enjoying what's going on. And so your dom has to be paying attention to make sure that you're safe because you might be so into it that you don't... Forget your safe word, there's so much that goes in into it. And I think that it's something I would definitely want in a monogamous relationship. I feel like it's work. And I don't quite know if I have a partner right now that I'm willing to invest all that in.
Kenrya: That makes sense. What about in unpartnered situations? Going to Dungeons, events, that kind of thing?
Erica: So, I think I'll do the hooded thing. I am realizing the more I deal with my nails that I definitely have a nail fetish. I love rubbing my nails against somebody's back and that kind of thing. I am down for light spankings maybe, but the scene that I had with Daddy Heff is going to have to be with somebody that knows what the fuck they are doing.
Kenrya: All right. Is there anything I didn't ask you that you wish I had?
Erica: No, it was a good session overall. It was a really good session overall. So I recommend, if y’all interested, and there are tons of doms on the internet. There are women that are doms. There are men that are doms. There are theys that are doms. And so find one that works for you. Because Instagram has all these rules, you probably got to follow most on Twitter or go to conventions, expos, that kind of thing, you'll meet people. And yeah, enjoy. But I say, if you are unsure about it, this is your sign. Do it.
Kenrya: Actually, I just thought of another question that I think some folks might ask. So y’all had penetrative sex with toys, but was there actual flesh on flesh, penetrative sex? Is that a part of that experience?
Erica: No. And one of the things that I learned, because when I was at the Sex Down South conference, there was a dom there and he was there with his submissive and a lot of women were interested in it and they were like, “How do I find one?” And he was like, “Look, I'm going to be honest, some of these niggas just do it because they want pussy.” And so they ended up doing it for pussy. And I get it. Totally see how things could happen. But yeah, it's possible to do it without it, and actually the few Black doms that I know that I think, of most of them are in relationships and have they're submissive and this is just something else they do, bringing smiles to lonely divorcees.
Kenrya: Okay bitch. Word. Well, thank you for the storytime. I hope y’all enjoy it.
Erica: Yes, it was dope. It was dope. I'm telling y’all treat yourself, don't cheat yourself. It was great.
Kenrya: Dope. All right. Well y’all check out the show notes for information on, what's Daddy Heff?
Erica: On Daddy Heff, King Heffs. I call him Daddy Heff now that he's beat my ass.
Kenrya: King Heffs, excuse me. Although I feel like now it might be harder for you to get an appointment. Yeah. You might have given out too much information.
Erica: The niggas ain't cheap. Here look, it ain't like you out running getting a McDonald's meal.
Kenrya: If you want to-
Erica: If you want to spend by all means.
Erica: Yeah. But Daddy Heff, I do need to be at the front of the line when it comes to scheduling. Please and thank you.
Kenrya: All right. Yes.
Erica: But yeah, it was dope.
Kenrya: That wraps up this week's quickie. Thank y’all for listening. We'll see y’all next week.
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Hit subscribe right now in your favorite podcast app and at YouTube.com/TheTurnOnPodcast, so you'll never miss an episode.
Erica: Then follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. And you can find links to books, transcripts, guest info, what's turning us on, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com.
Kenrya: And don't forget to email us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com with your book recommendations and your pressing sex-and related questions.
Erica: And you can support the show by leaving us a five-star review, buying some merch or becoming a patron of the show. Just head to TheTurnOnPodcast.com to make that happen.
Kenrya: Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon. Holla.
LISTEN TO THE TURN ON
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In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya talk about the pleasures and challenges of one night stands.
The Turn On participates in affiliate programs, which provide a small commission when you purchase products via links on this site. This costs you nothing, but helps support the show. Click here for more information.
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: Hey, y'all.
Kenrya: Hey folks.
Erica: We are here. We are here to tickle your fancy. Tickle your nipples, your titillations. Not everybody got nipples, I'm learning. Actually, side note. When you get a mastectomy, a big thing is whether or not you get to keep your nipples. And I was like, I want my nipples. Please let me keep my nipples. I love my nipples. Love my areolas. They're big, mammy areolas.
Erica: Now that I got them, they are aggressive as fuck. Like I really wouldn't have to wear a bra if it weren't for these nipples that are like, "Nigga, I'm here."
Kenrya: They are constantly on.
Erica: "We made it. I am here. Look at me, look at me. How are you? Look at me?" This is like, "God damn." So, you know, I guess, you know.
Kenrya: Well can't you just wear those little nipple cover things? Do you have to wear a whole ass bra?
Erica: I do. Oh, that's what I do.
Kenrya: I mean, also, your nipples can just do what they want. Who says they have to be covered?
Erica: They are distracting. No, I mean like in most situations I wouldn't, but like I got to wear them at work because I just ... They're fucking distracting. They look good, but they're distracting. So yeah. I'm not sure how we got on nipples, but we are here to do what ... Have a little story time.
Kenrya: Yes, time for some stories.
Erica: Gather around the fire. The fire that's being stoked with the tears and pages from hotep books or burning hoteps, we burning ashy niggas. I don't know. Anyway.
Kenrya: I don't think that tears can stoke a fire though. You probably have the opposite of that.
Erica: Hotep tears would because they're ashy.
Erica: Anyway, so we-
Kenrya: That's reasonable.
Erica: We're going to have a story about what?
Kenrya: One night stands.
Erica: One night stands. There's a Jazmine Sullivan song, but it takes a lot to get to the part where she says (singing). I don't know if it's just but anyway. I don't want to sing the whole song because I don't know the words and I will sing it and just keep going. So Killa, kick off that joint. Tell us about your one night stand. A memorable one night stand.
Kenrya: I mean I ... Yeah, sure. So I have had a few of them and they were all during a period that I lovingly refer to as my hoe period. Not that you have to be in a hoe period to have a one night stand, but as someone who was always in a fucking relationship, because I used to be afraid to be by myself, it took a hoe period for me to be able to have one night stands. And it was also during the time when I was grieving, because I had lost a partner or the person who I had just broken up with, died a couple of days after we broke up. And so, one of the ways that I coped once I got through the, "I'm crying all day, I'm not sleeping," portion of the grief, was that I was out here fucking.
Erica: As my granny would say, "Hmm, best way to get over an old man is to get under a new man."
Kenrya: Yeah, I guess so.
Erica: Not healthy, but it was said.
Kenrya: I wouldn't say that it was healthy, but it was fun. So, there were a few of memorable moments in there and you were around for, I think, two of them. So I think I'm going to tell the story that you weren't around for.
Erica: Yeah. Share.
Kenrya: So I was in the Dominican Republic for a friend's wedding and this was before folks really started boycotting the DR for how shitty its been treating Haitians. So it was, shit, years and years ago. And we went off of our resort to go to a club. And I just decided that I was fucking somebody that night. Like it was just-
Erica: Somebody going to get these yams.
Kenrya: Yeah. It was a decision that was already made. So we go to this club, I don't remember shit about it, except for that it was big and loud and the music was good. And I'm looking around, like looking for a prime candidate and I lock eyes with this little nigga and I'm like, "Oh, it's going to be him."
Erica: Was he like little, for real little?
Kenrya: No, no, no, no, no. I don't know why I'm calling him a little nigga.
Erica: I mean, you're not a huge person so it's just-
Kenrya: Yeah. He's taller than me. Whatever. I just, I remember looking at him and being like, "Oh yeah, okay. It's going to be him." Like I just decided. So maybe we dance a couple of times. I legit don't remember. It was a night. And at some point I leave to go to the bathroom because why? Because I always have to go to the bathroom. This is a thing that we know about me. So I go by myself to the bathroom, I've got this little electric blue wallet thing. Remember when all the little wallets were like those rectangles that you like closed, it has like a little clasp?
Erica: It was like a little pur-. I know exactly what you're talking.
Kenrya: One of those ... It wasn't really a purse, but it was like a card holder. Yeah. But I was using it as a purse. And so all I really had in it, I had a card, I had an ID, luckily I did not have my passport. And so I go and I'm drunk. Right. So I sit it on the toilet paper holder thing, which, God, I would normally never do ...
Kenrya: Because germs and I pee and I walk out and I wash my hands and I fucking go back to my friends, not realizing that I've left my wallet purse thing in the bathroom. Yeah. So I'm out there drunk, dancing, whatever. And at some point I realize I don't have my shit. So I run back to the bathroom. Of course it's gone. Like gone, gone. The attendant in the bathroom was helping me look. We going through the garbage, like everything trying to find my shit. It's gone. So I'm like, "All right, well I still have an objective for the night." Fuck that wallet.
Erica: Ain't no sense in crying over spilled milk.
Kenrya: Yeah. Well, you know, I did. They made an announcement. Of course. You know, my shit.
Erica: That was just, let's help this bitch feel better.
Kenrya: Exactly. But I was like fuck it. I was like, “You know what? This has been terrible, but I have a thing that I wanted to do. And what's the point of sticking around for the rest of the night? Let's go!” So I tell my crew that I'm heading back. I tell old dude where I'm staying. I leave, he leaves and meets me. I think he met me, I don't know, maybe 20 minutes later. After I got back to my room, I needed a minute to get myself together.
Erica: Wash your puss.
Kenrya: Yeah, I had been in the club, dancing, whatever. So I get back and I'm staying with a roommate-
Erica: Even though he probably brought over stank balls, just so you know.
Kenrya: I'm sure he did.
Erica: Like, niggas are the worst.
Kenrya: Exactly. And I was in my twenties. So, you know ...
Erica: We cared about those things.
Kenrya: Yeah. And so-
Erica: I mean, we still do but ...
Kenrya: But I mean, he was also in his twenties, he didn't give a fuck. Yeah. And I had a roommate because we were there for a wedding in another country. I wasn't a baller, like we were sharing a room. And so I had let her know when I was leaving the club, what was happening just in case she came back while I was still entertaining my company.
Erica: Entertaining your man friend.
Kenrya: So he came over, we had some sex. I don't even really remember too much about it, except for that it was what I wanted and that it was safe. And I sent him on his way. I mean, at that point it was too late for me to be worried about my shit. So whatever I was like-
Erica: We'll figure that shit out in the morning.
Kenrya: ... This'll at least be a nice way. Yeah. It was a nice way to end the night. So next morning, I'm calling Amex and calling and canceling all my cards and also trying to get some money, which is a reason why I always have an Amex because Amex will send money wherever the fuck you are, if there is something wrong because I had zero money at that point. I didn't even have money to get to the airport.
Kenrya: Amex sent me money so that I could get a cab to go pick it up. It was a whole thing, but Amex is awesome for that. So then I find out this nigga calls my room. He's staying at the same resort.
Erica: Shit. Oh shit.
Kenrya: Which I did not know because again, my plan was for this to happen and then for us to each go our separate ways. He calls checking in, "Did you figure out your card stuff, find your wallet?" I'm like, "No, I'm working on it. Why are you calling me?" But I was a much nicer person at that point and so when he asked to exchange information, I said, "Sure."
Erica: You didn't mean it.
Kenrya: I didn't and so I stayed in DR, I don't know for maybe another day or two, go back to New York where I'm living at the time, I'm in Harlem. I get a call.
Erica: Oh my gosh.
Kenrya: It's this nigga. Where does he live? Brooklyn. Who does he want to see? Me.
Erica: Your Harlem bound ass.
Kenrya: I'm like, "Oh, well ..."
Erica: Well, I guess ... It's like that. I mean, where it's like, yeah, yeah, I got it. Yep.
Kenrya: So I end up saying, "Okay," because I'm like fuck it. I ain't with nobody. I might as well go on and get bust down again. But I think I had plans or something. So I like, “When I’m done with my work friends...”
Erica: You like super...
Kenrya: My life, I get home and he was standing on my stoop.
Erica: Was he singing songs? He should've been.
Kenrya: No. He was just waiting on me. It was very cute. And so I brought him in and we did the do, and it was fine. And then he kept calling and I remember I was going to an event. This was back when I was a magazine editor and I would always be at events and it was an Apple event and they always would do it at this one particular hotel that was really dope where they would bring you in and it was like a gifting suite. And so you come in.
Erica: Oh, yes.
Kenrya: That's how I got my first iPhone, with service.
Erica: I remember that.
Erica: I remember when that bitch stayed on for years.
Kenrya: Yeah. It was on for more than a year. And I think it's supposed to be three months of service and somebody just forgot to turn that shit off.
Erica: I remember, you were like, you call me, it's like, "My phone off." Finally.
Kenrya: Right. So then I just transfered my number over to that phone. And that was the beginning.
Erica: And that was the end of your Nextel. Your chirp chirp.
Kenrya: Yep. That's how that happened.
Erica: Okay, sorry.
Kenrya: So anyway, I was coming back from one of those events. I'm walking through Bryant Park, which is where they used to do Fashion Week. And so it was very magazine, whatever. And I'm walking back to my office, which is in Times Square. And it's a sunny day, whatever. This nigga calls. I'm like, "God dammit." I'm like, "Okay, I think it's time to do this."
Kenrya: So I pick up, he's like, "Hey,” you know, “can I see you?" And I was like, "No." And he was like, "What do you mean?" I was like, "I don't really want to do that." And he was like, "Why?" I was like, "Well, this was never meant to be a whole thing." I was like, "I thought I was upfront about that but obviously I wasn't." I was like, "So I just got to tell you, I'm not interested in this turning into anything. I don't want to have sex regularly. I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm good." And he was like, "Well, can we just be friends?" And I was like, "I don't think so." I was like, "The only thing that we have in common is that we like to fuck each other."
Erica: Yeah. What the fuck?
Kenrya: And I made some comforting noises and I got off the phone.
Erica: Comforting. Oh. Hmm. Ah.
Kenrya: Yeah. Yeah. So that is the story of one of my one night stands. How about you?
Erica: It took me a minute to think about a story that I haven't shared before.
Kenrya: Yeah. I think I've only shared the aftermath of this one. I don't think I had shared the whole thing.
Erica: But you talking about going to your office reminded me. So one of the things that I did when I was trying to figure out what the fuck I wanted to be when I grew up, I did commercial real estate. So-
Kenrya: I remember those days.
Erica: I worked at this commercial real estate firm and commercial real estate is an old white man sport. There are a few white women, few Black men. But if you're a Black woman in commercial real estate, you have really like, "Bitch, bow down." So I mean not this was in the olden days, but this was the early 2000s. So yeah, there was probably even less than there are now. So my office was on one half of the hall and there was another real estate firm on the other half, but they didn't really do commercial real estate. They did like investments. So it was a bunch of young slick niggas with suits and that kind of shit.
Erica: So there was this one dude and we kept flirting. We kept flirting, we kept flirting, and then one day we were like, "Hey, let's go." I guess this isn't a one night stand anyway. He's like, "Hey, let's go get some drinks after work." So I'm like, "Cool." So we go get some drinks after work. You know, liquor makes my pussy talk. Like in the words of my girl, JT and Yung Miami. So we get hot and heavy like there. So I was like, "I got to go back to my office and pick up something." So we get back to the office, he starts eating my pussy in the office.
Kenrya: Did you really have to pick up something?
Erica: No. I wanted him to eat my pussy in the office.
Erica: So he eats my pussy in the office. And then he's like, "I can't wait to have you." So I'm like, "All right, you ain't got to wait. I live around the corner." So we go to my house. At this time I had a roommate and we ended up fucking in the ... We didn't even make it to my bedroom, we ended up fucking in the family room. We just ended up fucking in the family room. My dog sat on the couch and watched. We fucking standing up in a family room, middle of night. My roommate was in her room asleep. And then he left.
Kenrya: Andre was like, "Word?"
Erica: Yes. Andre was like, "Really? We going to do all that?" Yeah. And then we fucked and I was like, "It's really great meeting you." He was like, "Oh, I'm so sleepy." I said, "Well, you have a good drive back up to Dulles." And he left. I mean, that was the only time I fucked him, but I definitely did see him a lot, like in the hallway, on the elevator. And after that, I was like, "I don't know you." I definitely hit him with the same like, "Oh, hey, good, nice to see you. Yeah. I hope you have a good holiday." That kind of shit because it was like, "No, I wanted some dick and you smelled good that night." So yeah, that was that.
Kenrya: So I'm worried that both of our one night stand stories feature us not being that nice to people. Right. So, okay. There are ways-
Erica: But the thing is, I don't think he cared.
Erica: I mean, I think-
Kenrya: He probably, he knew what he was getting into,
Erica: If anything, I think he was just mad he couldn't spend the night, but by then we had sobered up. So it's not like you were drunk driving, but I don't think he wanted like a relationship after that.
Kenrya: Okay, good.
Kenrya: I don't know if this other nigga did too. But at the very least he wants a steady supply of pussy and I just wasn't interested in being his supplier.
Erica: Yeah. He was like, "Nah, we ain't doing that. We ain't doing this. We ain't go down this road." Yeah. And I don't think one night stands necessarily have to be mean.
Kenrya: I don't think they have to at all.
Erica: It's just a transaction. It was a transaction.
Kenrya: I'm worried that those two felt-
Erica: No, no, I didn't. I don't think it was mean or manipulative. I think the only manipulative part on my end was me saying, "I got to go pick up something from my office." That's when I wanted him to eat my pussy right there.
Kenrya: Right there.
Erica: But yeah.
Kenrya: Have you ever had a one night stand keep popping up, like how I had with that dude?
Erica: I don't think so. Or maybe because the thing is. Here is a thing, DC is but only so big. And then you do the, "I went to Howard," and then if you've been in DC for long enough, like if somebody work on the Hill, you got a girl that work on a Hill, so all y'all, it's just, there are maybe like four groups of people, you know, like groups of types of people.
Kenrya: [inaudible 00:18:18] Black people. Yeah.
Erica: And so you in one of them groups and you didn't. Yeah. It's interesting because my ex-husband used to stay making friends and I'd be like, "Nigga, don't make no friends because I probably done fucked them."
Kenrya: Yeah, that's happened a couple of times.
Erica: And he was cool about it and we didn't even have to have a whole conversation. I'm just like, "Full disclosure," and he'll be like, "Oh, okay." And I'm like, "Look, dude, I became an adult here in this city so I done put some miles on this pussy in the city." But yeah. So I don't think that there were any that were trying to do much. I mean, I think I ... Full disclosure, I think that there were one night stands where I was, I mean, like let's not act like I was a bad bitch the whole time. There were definitely one night stands that I had where I was like, "Come on, come back."
Kenrya: "Can I have some more?"
Erica: "Can I have some more porridge, please?" Or wanting to turn it into more than just what it was, two niggas fucking. So you know, let's play and we'll take it.
Erica: Oh my God, I forgot about another one and [inaudible 00:19:25].
Kenrya: And it's making you laugh like that.
Erica: Because I literally had a flashback of fucking this nigga and then our home girl picking me up and we went out to eat afterwards. Like I fucked him at my house. We went out to a club, came back from the club, I fucked him on the couch in my little studio and then my girl called and was like, "Bitch, we going to Waffle House or something." You know, like, "We going to The Diner," and I was like, "Okay, come get me."
Erica: And I was like, "It was really great seeing you." And then I went to the diner and he went his way. But I thought about that also because that was the one guy, I was like, "You're so sweet. You're so kind." And he was like, "Oh, bitch. I just wanted some pussy and you made it good the first time. Now you trying to want some more." So I mean, I don't want to make it seem that like this player didn't take no shit because I definitely did with some one night stands. So yeah.
Kenrya: Yeah. I had one of the situations where you were there in Miami.
Kenrya: That turned into a, "Oh, I'm coming to visit New York. We should get together." You knew that, right?
Kenrya: Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Erica: And like, "Bitch, you're coming to visit New York not me, right?" Yep. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Kenrya: Yeah. We did end up doing it again though. It was good. And then that was that. I think we both understood that this was just another opportunity for us to touch and agree.
Erica: Touch and agree.
Kenrya: Keep it moving.
Erica: All right, y'all. Well, this was our experiences with one night stands. Please share with us if you had some experiences with your one night stands that you want to share with us and with that, these are your two favorite hoe hosts.
Kenrya: That was cute.
Erica: Erica and Killa, two hoe hosts, making it clap.
Erica: Anyway, bye.
Kenrya: Listen, okay. To be clear, right?
Erica: You go like this.
Kenrya: We are over video because I'm trying to time it and I can't and it's not like we in the same room. I felt like we did better when we were in the same room. Maybe.
Erica: Bye y'all.
Kenrya: Okay, bye. Bye.
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us Kenrya and Erica and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Now you can support The Turn On and get off. Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app and drop us a five star review and you'll be entered to win something that's turning us on. Just post your review and email us a screenshot at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com to enter. Our Patreon page is also live. Become a supporter today and you'll gain access to lots of goodies, including The Turn On Book Club and two for one raffle entries. And don't forget to send us your book recommendations and your sex and related questions and follow us on Twitter at @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram at @TheTurnOnPodcast. You can find links to books, merch, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at www.TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Thanks so much for listening and we will see you soon. Bye!
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.