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SHOW NOTES
In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya dig in the mailbag and answer questions from readers.

Resources:

• Sliquid: LoveHoney
• Boy Butter: Amazon
• We Vibe: LoveHoney

​
The Turn On participates in affiliate programs, which provide a small commission when you purchase products via links on this site. This costs you nothing, but helps support the show. Click here for more information.
​
TRANSCRIPT
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.

Erica: Welcome to this week's quickie. We are going to pull a few questions from our mailbag and see what the hell we got to say.

Kenrya: Okay, who knows? It's always a gamble.

Erica: I can't believe people ask us questions thinking that we have real answers to them.

Kenrya: How do we plan?

Erica: Exactly.

Kenrya: Let's see how it goes.

Erica: Mailbag number one. Erica and Killa, can you break your pussy if you use a vibrator too much?

Kenrya: No, I didn't even mean to laugh. I'm sorry. Short answer, no.

Erica: So short answer, no. I think that it's important to not ... so storytime. Boom, I was with a nigga and he could only like cum in a particular way and I think it's because he grew up all his life beating his meat in one particular way and so his shit got used to one particular way. So I think it's important to vary it-

Kenrya: Mix it up.

Erica: ... up. So like use your vibrator on your back. Next time, maybe try being on all fours. Well, try to keep some variety in it but ain't no such thing as breaking your pussy. I just think that you might get your pussy used to a particular sexual situation, certain vibrating pattern.

Kenrya: Situations. I've been listening to Usher.

Erica: Will arise.

Kenrya: He did a great live. That nigga was lying down singing it. I think people who don't sing—because I used to sing—don't realize how hard that is.

Erica: I don't sing standing up. And I know it's bad.

Kenrya: It's so hard, oh my gosh.

Erica: So I think it's important to change it up but don't disregard your vibrator. Jerome/Ambien is my homeboy and will forever be my homeboy and will not be any culprit of breaking your pussy. But I think it is important to try to keep things spicy, mix it up.

Kenrya: So I would just add that it is important however, to be really careful of your tissues and if you're going at it a lot, just like if you were doing it with a partner, things may dry out a bit or you might have little micro fissures. It depends on how aggressive you being with the situation. So, I think people often only think of using lube when it to being with a partner. But lube is actually your friend when you masturbate as well.

Erica: Lube is your friend, period.

Kenrya: So I would suggest that you make sure that there's some lube in the mix. There's a couple that we like that we recommended on the show before. Boy Butter is one of them, Sliquid has a variety of versions depending on what you like. You use Sliquid Silver, right?

Erica: Yes.

Kenrya: Bring some lubrication into the mix as you switch up. And also not just positions, but switch up your toys. You probably do have a favorite because you know which is rusty trusty. But they often require different angles and that can also help to preserve your tissues by mixing things up a bit.

Erica: Alrighty. Well that was a good one.

Kenrya: It's all I have.

Erica: Next up, when you want to have sex and you're not sure if your partner does, how do you broach the subject without making it awkward?

Kenrya: It's interesting because I have been with partners who wanted different things. And so I guess my first thing I'm going to say is you should have a conversation about that with them. I have been in relationships with folks who when I just straight up said, "Hey, let's have sex." They felt like I was objectifying them or they didn't think it was sexy for me to just say that I want to have sex and literally somebody told me, "I mean that doesn't make me feel sexy, that doesn't get me in the mood." But then I've had partners where if I just kind of touch they dick, they felt like I was treating them, like I said, a sex object rather than saying that I wanted to have sex or asking. And so what I have found works is to just have a conversation with your partner in a non-sexual situation about what do they prefer.

Erica: Because ain't nothing worse than the dick on your booty.

Kenrya: Is when you really just want to go to sleep. You just gonna put it on there?

Erica: Sitting there and they're pushing the head. I'm like, "Hey, don't you want to like?"

Kenrya: No.

Erica: No.

Kenrya: Maybe I did ’til you did that.

Erica: So yeah. Just talk, communicate. I feel like that's what we kind of fall back on on everything. But yeah, just-

Kenrya: I mean, having a good conversation usually-

Erica: When you're not in the moment, just be like, hey, [crosstalk 00:05:38] when you want it or what I want it. How do you want me to tell you I want it?

Kenrya: And vice versa, how do you want to be? Because those may not be the same.

Erica: It's not. Often times it's not-

Kenrya: And that's okay.

Erica: ... which is wild in and of itself. Up next, if you were currently in a situation where sex is not even a remote option with your partner of choice, outside of masturbating, what other ways can you meet your sexual needs?

Kenrya: I'll start. I think it depends on what your sexual needs are. We've talked a bit about like enjoying the journey and while ... how that may not necessarily mean that you have to come to completion all the time. It could mean that you just want to watch porn. It could mean that maybe just reading a sexy scene or listening to me read you a sexy scene gets you to where you want to be without you having to do the whole masturbation thing. I guess if that's because you tired of masturbating, now I'm [inaudible 00:06:49]. Masturbation is a champ.

Kenrya: I think it depends on what it is that you need. Because if it's that you are missing the intimacy of that, maybe it means that you all there are having some kind of a, I don't know, a virtual date night or, you know what I mean? Something that gives you another part of intimacy that's not just sex. Does that make sense?

Erica: Yeah. I was going to definitely say phone sex, Skype sex. Because not necessarily for the completion part but for the intimacy part of the we're sharing this together part of it all. So I'm always a fan of that. Also fun sex toys or, I have this sex toy that We Vibe and it's a Bluetooth enabled sex toy we'll link to it in the show notes, but it's a Bluetooth enabled sex toy. You have the app on your phone and your partner has an app on his phone. You both have to be on the app at the same time. So it kind of loses a little spontaneity, but it can be a part of date night. You put it in you and then he's able to, he, she, they are able to control the settings from wherever they are.

Erica: So that's always something fun. And one of the things that I enjoyed doing with a partner of mine who was distant, we would both do things to each other to make sure that we know that we were on each other's mind throughout the day. So it would be like a little text like, hey, I'm not wearing any panties today. Or send them a nasty picture and it's all that work. Or he'll send me a text and say, "Hey, wear these drawers today?" Or not draws, drawers make it sound like [inaudible 00:08:54] wear these panties today. Or he'll text me a command like go send me a picture with your tongue out. Just stuff like that to like let me know that I am on your thoughts throughout the day. You're on my thoughts throughout the day. So even if you do end up masturbating at the end of the night, it was like Ooh, with this person in mind. So-

Kenrya: It's a combination of all those things.

Erica: Just ways to continue to foster that connectedness throughout the day. So that's what I got.

Kenrya: No I don't have anything to add there.

Erica: Alrighty. Well thank you for submitting your questions to the mailbag. We will certainly go through our mailbag again. So if you have any more questions, please submit it to us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com or slide my DMs because we like that too.

Kenrya: Sure do.

Erica: Alrighty. So-

Kenrya: ’Til next time.

Erica: Erica and Kenrya, two hoes.

Kenrya: Making it clap.

Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. We want to hear from y'all, send your book recommendations and all the burning sex and related questions that you want us to answer to TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com. And please subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app. Follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast, and find links to books, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. And remember The Turn On podcast is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find more podcasts that you'll love at Frolic.media/podcast. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you soon. Bye.

LISTEN TO THE TURN ON
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CONNECT WITH THE TURN ON
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SHOW NOTES
In this bonus episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya answer a few questions from their grab bag.

The Turn On participates in affiliate programs, which provide a small commission when you purchase products via links on this site. This costs you nothing, but helps support the show. Click here for more information.

​Transcript:
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.

Erica: Welcome to this week's episode of The Turn On. So you know, sometimes we got to just give y'all just the tip, just a little bit of it. So today we are going to give you a Quickie episode. This week we have come up with some interesting questions. They're not too wild. Hopefully they'll give us some interesting answers for us to answer. So I will start.

Kenrya: That sound is-

Erica: That's me pulling from the grab bag. We just talked about this. Do you have a sex ritual? We talked about before-sex ritual. Do you have a post-sex ritual?

Kenrya: Well, I mean I have this ritual in general. So I take a shower. I brush my teeth. My partner goes to get a towel because-

Erica: He sweats a lot.

Kenrya: He sweats a lot. I juice a lot. It's just a mess, and I always want to-

Erica: Girl, I got some them waterproof pads in the back. I'm going to get you some.

Kenrya: Oh, chucks? But I will run through them. I need like-

Erica: Oh my.

Kenrya: It's, I mean it is what it is. Or if we're on the couch, my couch is leather and that shit be cold, so a towel is good. Even though I still got to like Clorox the whole fucking thing by the time we done.

Erica: My whole face is just turning. I love you, but I'm just like, "Ooh honey."

Kenrya: There is a process that usually happens. And then after I pee because nobody wants a motherfucking UTI, and then I jump in the shower.

Erica: Okay.

Kenrya: Yeah. And that's that. Oh and then in between, one of us is like, he usually gets in the shower first ’cause it takes me a while to be able to actually pee. And so then when I'm in he's washing off whatever toys we use like putting everything back. Because if we don't do it right away, then what ends up happening is my kid comes home, and walks in my room is like, "What's this?" So we try to put everything away right away.

Erica: All right.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: My sex ritual is pretty much same thing. Shower, brush my teeth, sniff tests. Or shower or just wipe down the bits, also because like I don't want you to putting your face in my coo-cat.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: I don't want you thinking like, "She just ran to the bathroom." That kind of thing. Post shower, I always pee. Or post shower, I always get up, I get a hot rag, wipe myself, wipe my guests, which is always... Except one time I was dating this guy he was like, "You always got to wipe. Why can't we just lay here nasty." And I'm like-

Kenrya: Yeah, I've had men say that too.

Erica: Yeah, but-

Kenrya: I always get a rag if it was like just a straight up oral session, but otherwise we just lay there until we get up and go get in the shower.

Erica: No we, I always get a warm rag. Because it's the little chocolate. You know how you get a little Andes mint after dinner?

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Erica: On top.

Kenrya: Yes.

Erica: It's like the fortune cookie after a meal.

Kenrya: That's nice.

Erica: Like, "Here you go, just to warm rag for your balls."

Kenrya: I do that if I have like gone in and then it's just like-

Erica: A puddle.

Kenrya: Yes. Then I go get a rag.

Erica: One of the things that I am super obsessive about is my skincare routine.

Kenrya: You can go through all of that.

Erica: And if we in the middle of the night and I'm giving some sloppy toppy and-

Kenrya: You go wash your face again.

Erica: I get up and I do 60 seconds, tone-

Kenrya: Your fingertips, yeah.

Erica: Serum, moisturize. Put on my wave cap and durag and I put on my Vaseline on my lips. I do my skincare routine drunk, high, always my skincare routine. And if I'm drunk or high it gets even better cause I lose track of time.

Kenrya: So you probably be fingertip massaging for three, four, five minutes? No.

Erica: Yeah, I am like super obsessive about it all. Like making sure my skincare like you know, you got some like bomb dick if I like just fall asleep and I usually wake up-

Kenrya: I say you probably wake up at 1:30.

Erica: Three in the morning, like, Oh let me take care of this real quick. So yeah, no real rituals other than just a general hygiene. But I always got to do my skincare.

Erica: Okay. I just threw Kenrya hers.

Kenrya: Tell me about a time you were super petty in a relationship. She's laughing ’cause I don't know. I mean I have a petty streak, but not necessarily when it comes to a romantic relationship.

Erica: Like usually when I'm in a relationship, either there was docile Erica that was just like, okay. Or Erica now that's like, I don't give a fuck. I'm not putting my energy into your petty.

Kenrya: I don't need to be petty. I just say it and keep it fucking moving. Now, I'm petty with bitches. I'm petty like if you stop fucking with somebody, I stop fucking with somebody. But then your ass like to double back and be friends with people again and I'm still like, “Fuck that bitch.”

Erica: I know. I know.

Kenrya: You keep doing that. I be trying to support you.

Erica: You do. You do.

Kenrya: I be cutting off whole bitches.

Erica: Whole. So my biggest thing, I mean, I don't think I'm like, yeah, I'm not a petty person, am I?

Kenrya: No.

Erica: I'm generally not petty. I am-

Kenrya: You bought me a petty tee shirt though.

Erica: The dog farted. That shit is acerbic.

Kenrya: So glad he over there.

Erica: It gets in your down your throat. I'm not very petty now. I'm not a petty person. My sister, goes down in like-

Kenrya: The petty fucking world-

Erica: Hall of fame.

Kenrya: Yes, she is fucking fantastic.

Erica: I remember she told me that this, her ex his, he kept trying to double back and you know, try to get that old thing back and every time we would send her a text, my sister would screenshot it.

Kenrya: And send it to his woman. Right?

Erica: And she would send it to his woman, her brother and her mother. With messages along the lines of you must not be fucking your man right because he keeps trying to holler at me. Things along those. Or she'll like post shit to like their wall on Facebook or she would do really petty shit like post things his Facebook wall, to the family's Facebook pages saying look at what your man doing trying to be with me. So yeah, I'm not petty, but if I truly needed to be petty, I would probably call my sister, who is like queen petty. I'll get this one. What was the strangest date you have ever been on?

Kenrya: I've been on a few dates that I didn't know her dates. So maybe those? Yeah, I mean I don't know. I guess one of them was, I mean I think I've talked about some of them. Like one of them was a dude who kissed me and I ran and that was a white guy and did not know it was a date. And then there was a white guy who I had been interviewing for a job and then I ended up, they ended up not hiring the position.

Kenrya: I talked about this on a show and then it just occurred to me part way through that this nigga was trying to date me as opposed to just talk about a volunteer opportunity. That's really it. I can't pinpoint anybody being weird on the day.

Kenrya: Now, there was the nigga where we were in a casino in the middle of the night after going to see a movie. And then he told me that he was glad that Bill Cosby didn't get caught after the first time that he raped a woman because then we would've missed out on all his Black excellence. And I was super fucking triggered and got super anxious and cussed him out and left and then it was over.

Erica: I would've been afraid to drink anything around him. Like you fucking weirdo.

Kenrya: Had not had anything to drink. It was like two, three o'clock in the morning and I was so fucking freaked out. It was that bad. So maybe that?

Erica: That doesn't sound very good. I'm trying to think. I mean I've had some odd dates, like I remember one time we ended up, I went on a date and we went to like a cousin's- I'm sorry. I remember one time we went on a date and we ended up at like a little cousin's birthday party or some shit. It was like a family thing and it was like, “Oh, we're going to go out, but let's stop here.” And then I'm at somebody ’lil back yard. It was like a backyard birthday parties, little kids in a corner doing the stanky leg and I'm like, dressed in like date wear. So I'm like, who's the whore that's so-and-so brought with him next to the pinata? So. Yeah, that was definitely, but you know when you young and dating it's hard to... It's hard when you're young and dating, it's hard to like... It's easy to end up in like, at a strange date because they usually start off like we just gonna hang out and then you be hanging out. Like where the fuck am I?

Kenrya: And niggas ain't got no plans. They don't put no forethought into it. So you just end up places. Which can be fun with the right person. Those can be the best days with the right person. But with a fucking weirdo...

Erica: The questions on the floor y'all. There it goes.

Kenrya: All right. All right. What is your favorite physical attribute in a partner? That dick. No, I like a nice smile. I do. I like him-

Erica: No Instagram teeth?

Kenrya: No. Not a fake smile. No, just a nice, like it hits the corners of your eyes. Your shit is twinkling smile. Like where you just genuinely look-

Erica: You got your side teeth.

Kenrya: Yes, you have. You have your side teeth. But no, we already just, when you see somebody smile and this, you can just see it's genuine and it's warm and you can tell that they are fun and having fun and maybe like they selves.

Erica: You know, there's this guy that I'm dating and he has, when he laughs it's a little strange but he doesn't like, he laughs, it's not like he's trying to say, you can tell he's genuinely-

Kenrya: It's like a full belly laugh.

Erica: He's genuinely laughing and I love that because it's just like you're just having, you're not thinking about, you're like genuinely just like-

Kenrya: In this moment.

Erica: Yeah. And I love that about him. And then it usually is because of some shit that I said. So I'm like, Ooh, let me do this. How about this? Let me tell you this joke. So yeah, that's really dope. I like teeth. I like teeth. I like a smile. I like skin. Like, and it just, yeah. I like skin and don't have to necessarily, I mean, I'm not like a, Ooh you have acne cause shit happens, but just, you have a glow about yourself. Look like you drink some water. I know this sounds so simple, but yeah, like just like a good healthy, like just moisturized and that kind of thing. Skin, but smile is up there too, I just didn't want to do the same one because also your dental health-

Kenrya: Says a lot about the rest of your health.

Erica: Yeah. Cause I feel like teeth are often overlooked and it's easy to just be... Wash your balls.

Kenrya: No, I remember I wrote an article for somewhere about how your teeth are like really the window to your health. Like, yo, you got a yuck mouth.

Erica: I was talking to the dude and he was like, Oh, I just got a new Waterpik. I'm so excited. I was like, so would you like my pussy now or later?

Kenrya: I got a new one too that I'm opening today. I'm very excited.

Erica: I don't have a Waterpik.

Kenrya: My dentist, the dental hygienist was like, let's go ahead and, ’cause I have trouble with the flossing in the very back. So now I've got a Waterpik. I'm excited to use it. I just, my mouth is little. It's hard to get back there.

Erica: What's different? Killa needs something special.

Kenrya: I know.

Erica: Okay. What is the best gift you've given a partner?

Kenrya: Ooh, so it's interesting because, receiving gifts is not high on my, I think it's the lowest thing. Maybe has zero on my love language thing.

Erica: Which is why you'd never sugar.

Kenrya: Oh yeah. Maybe it's just not a thing for me. But I love to give gifts. I love to like pick the right thing for somebody. What's the... So I got my current partner, you said things I've given, right? I got my current partner a pair, so he collects shoes and I got him a pair of these shoes that he missed out on. The shoes that he likes, they drop and you got like five minutes to get them and then they be gone. And I got him a pair, after market, of these shoes that he missed the first time around and I like stalked them all year. He tried to get him last April and I stalked them all year and got them for him for his birthday and he lost it. Like, yeah. It was nice and I had like carried them on a plane out of town and gave them to him and all of this stuff.

Kenrya: But it was totally worth it for him to wake up on his birthday and for me to give him to him. But I've given my ex-husband our first Christmas together, he told me about when he was a kid and he had a recorder and he was the youngest in the family and I guess he was making too much noise and somebody took it and hid it and he always like wanted to learn how to play the flute. I got his ass a flute for our first Christmas together. I just listen really well and I like to, when someone is least expecting it, give them something that hopefully means something to them.

Erica: All my good stuff comes from you.

Kenrya: What about you?

Erica: My ex-husband really liked cars, like he loves cars and so I got him one of those dream ride things.

Kenrya: Oh, like where you can go and drive your-

Erica: Yeah. So you spend like an entire day.

Kenrya: Ooh, that's a good idea.

Erica: Traveling. Oh, it's great. I'll give you the website. You go up there and you spend the entire day. It's like a day long and I have like 15 different cars and you're like driving through the hills and all that stuff. And so you drive a certain period and then everybody gets out and swaps. So not only are you in this really cool car but you get to experience all the cars and then you like stop someplace and have a really beautiful lunch and that kind of thing.

Kenrya: That's dope.

Erica: So I thought it was really cool ’cause I, again-

Kenrya: You put thought into it.

Erica: Like it's nice when you can think of they like and get them something. Because most people, most adults, like there's nothing like that they need or like, there's nothing that I want. I mean I always keep a list of locked and loaded. Like, do you need tier A, B or C? But I mean, but even then it's like, just knowing me and getting me something that you're like, Ooh, she would like this. Like that's really cool. And so when I feel like I did that really well, like my ex-husband, our first, his first birthday, our first birthday of his together. He's a big guy and he was like, I need a good robe. I can never find a good robe. So I like went and found like, I went to a big and tall shop and got one of them big fluffy spa robes and he loved it. He was like, “Oh my God, it's a robe.” It was like 80 bucks, but it was still just a really good-

Kenrya: Thoughtful gift. That's dope.

Erica: Okay. Well, this wraps up this week's episode of Quickie. Quickie number one. Hopefully we, no, this isn't quickie number one. I'm sorry. I'm just counting shit up. Hopefully you enjoyed this week's Quickie. We put the tip in. You let us get two strokes and now we're out. Two hoes making it clap.

Kenrya: That sounds awful.

Kenrya: This episode was produced by us Kenrya and Erica and edited by B'Lstic. The theme music is from Breezy. We want to hear from y'all. Send your book recommendations and all the burning sex and related questions that you want us to answer to TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com and please subscribe to the show in your favorite podcast app. Follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram at TheTurnOnPodcast and find links to books, transcripts, guest info and other fun stuff at theturnonpodcast.com and remember the Turn On Podcast is part of the Frolic Podcast network. You can find more podcasts that you'll love at Frolic.media/podcasts. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you soon. Bye.