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In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya read "Being Hospitable" by Meka James and talk about topping from the bottom, being clear about what you want in bed, the violent possessiveness that some people exert over the girls in their lives and just how long we can stand having guests in our homes.
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: Hey, hey y'all. So welcome to this week's episode of The Turn On. Today we are reading the book, well reading from the book, “Being Hospitable” and it is written by the lovely Meka James. It was published in 2020 so sit back, relax. Get your wine, your weed and whatever you need, and enjoy.
Kenrya: “Being Hospitable,” by Meka James.
Kenrya: The logical part of my brain screams no. This was not a good idea. But louder was my attraction to the sexy woman in my arms. Charley used her free hand to tap against her lips. “Here, for now.” Beautiful. Coy. The apple in the Garden of Eden. My lips met hers and a taste was the sweetest of all forbidden fruits. I groaned against her and drove my tongue forward in a desperate need to have more of all she offered.
Kenrya: Our joined hands tightened and her other free one tangled in my hair, pulling me close and giving as good as she got. Mine grabbed a handful of her firm ass. Pebbled nipples rubbed against me and I pressed my thigh harder between her legs. Her damp panties clear evidence of all she said, drove my own arousal to new heights.
Kenrya: My heart hammered in my chest. The pulsating between my legs beat in a needy rhythm for more. I kissed her harder, letting myself drown in the perfection of the moment. A tiny voice in the back of my mind told me to pull away. To stop before things got out of hand. But Charley was the one who put on the brakes. She pulled back, her heaving chest matched my own. Without a single word, she pulled the scrap of fabric masquerading as a shirt over her head. All air left my lungs at the beauty before me. Breasts pert. Nipples puckered and begging to be sucked.
Kenrya: "You are dangerous," I said with an airy chuckle. She hooked her thumbs in the waist of her underwear. "Who? Lil’ ole’ me?" The slow shake of my head matched the slow nod of hers. She stood before me naked and wearing only a confidence that fit her well. My gaze settled on the apex of her legs. Smooth, bare, glistening and beckoning me for a taste. A small voice of reason sounded off, warning me to not go down the road of temptation. But a five-alarm fire burned through me and my pussy clenched with a wanton need to feel her, skin to skin.
Kenrya: I stepped forward and placed my hands on her waist and caressed the soft flesh. "Is this what you want?" Charley licked her lips and snaked her hand between our bodies. My mouth went dry when she stroked herself. Two fingers disappeared inside her folds and then she pulled them free, and held the wet digits in front of me. "What do you think?" I wrapped my hand around her wrist and slid her coated digits into my mouth. The first taste of her hit my buds. A decadent, tangy delight. A mere sample that made me want it straight from the source.
Kenrya: I glided her fingers in and out, slipping my tongue between them until I was satisfied they were clean. But I needed more. With that thought in mind, I walked her backward. Out of the kitchen and over to the living room. Her fingers danced across my abdomen. Mine rested on her hips. Our gazes locked. Tiny circles in tentative movements as she inched upwards until she reached her intended target. As her hands went higher, so did my shirt, and my heart rate.
Kenrya: With my top removed, a giant smile graced her beautiful face. The heavy weight of arousal anchored between my legs. I let my fingers trail up and down her sides. We stood damn near eye to eye. Charley wasted no time in palming my now exposed breasts. Using her thumbs, she made tiny circles around my taut nipples. I let my hands slip around the small of her back until they cupped her ass. My neglected libido went into overdrive when she dipped her head and drew one of my aching nipples into her mouth.
Kenrya: Fiery wet heat made my pussy clench as she squeezed while flicking her tongue against the tight bud. The blood pounding through my veins thumped a rhythmic beat between my legs. Charley switched sides. Her warm mouth lavished attention on one nipple while she pinched and tweaked the other. I slid one hand around, searching for and then finding the slickened prize between her legs. The heavenly velvet softness of her body surrounding me was almost too much to handle. Cool air hit my sensitive nipples when her mouth abandoned it. But her thumbs continued to make circles around the erect peaks.
Kenrya: Moving my free hand up to the nape of her neck, I pulled her closer for another feverish kiss. Her low moans vibrated against my lips. In her silky warmth, my fingers glided back and forth with ease. The heady scent of arousal mingled in the air. I sucked her tongue and groaned when her heated palms squeezed my breasts and pinched my nipples with practiced expertise. As her desire ran down my fingers and my own pooled in my panties, time for the slow tease had passed.
Kenrya: I pulled away, and with a gentle shove, she fell backward onto the couch. I dropped to my knees in front of her and pushed her legs wider. My heart rate spiked at the sight of her open, ready, waiting. I dove in, curling my tongue upwards. Licking her from bottom to top. The taste of her made my eyes flutter and my entire being hum with delight. In rapid fire, I flicked my tongue over her stiff bud. A strangled purr was my reward. And it was a fucking sexy as hell sound. One I needed to hear again. I made small circles between the parted soft folds and slowly slid in two fingers.
Kenrya: Charley lifted her hips, pushing her sweet pussy upward against my tongue. I pulled back to look at her. Mouth parted, eyes half closed. She palmed and squeezed her breasts, tweaking her own nipples and moaning at the sensations created. I continued to stroke her as her walls constricted around my hand in waves. When I licked my lips, the essence of Charley again hit my senses. My actions sped up as I moved my fingers in and out of her body. Bringing the stunning woman splayed out before me to climax became my driving need.
Kenrya: I descended on her again, closing my lips around her stiff clit. Sucking the tiny bud. "Holy fuck." Charley shifted and propped her feet up on the couch. The move opened her to me, increasing my access to all things gloriously Charley. Blood pounded hot in my ears, leaving me lightheaded and dizzy. Drunk on pleasure. My own panties were soaked and the throbbing need between my legs pumped with the rapid beat of my heart. Her breathing turned to pants and low whimpers poured from her lips. I needed to see, to watch her come undone. To watch and know that I was the reason for it.
Kenrya: Charley arched her back and I kept pace, moving my digits within her body. I used my other hand to add pressure to her swollen clit, rubbing in fast circles. She rotated her hips in rhythm to my actions. Faster she went until she stopped. Her legs shook as she let out a long, drawn out groan. A tidal wave of vibrations accompanying her orgasm clenched around my fingers. My chest heaved. The actions scraped my aching nipples against the cushion and served to drive my need higher. I gave a slight pinch to her clit, which made Charley thrash and pump her hips upward.
Kenrya: "Ki. Oh…oh God…" I kept finger fucking her. The steady rocking in sync with my movements offered encouragement. She wanted more just as much as I wanted to give it to her. The second hit. Her legs gave out and drooped off the edge of the couch. She shook her head from side to side as her body jerked with short convulsions. With a parting kiss, and a final swipe to her sex, I removed my fingers and moved up to sit beside her. She collapsed into my lap and draped a weak arm across her face, covering her eyes. I traced the outline of her areola and she shuddered from the touch. "Fucking hell, Ki."
Erica: Okay y'all. Welcome back. Kenrya thank you again for your lovely reading of this story. Um. Girl. Did you get my text message I sent you?
Kenrya: I did. Like "Oh, this bitch. This is filthy." Yes I did.
Kenrya: It is and it's a short ...
Erica: It's a short. And it's literally just like ...
Kenrya: Yeah. Yeah yeah. It was great.
Erica: Do you want to do the what happened thing?
Kenrya: Sure. Yeah. There ... What's her name? Ki? Is that, that's her name? She's an EMT. She lives alone.
Kenrya: Kiki. She's living her life. And her best friend's, her very close guy friend's sister is moving to town because she got an internship, a prestigious kind of internship and needs a place to stay. She is hospitable, and she lets her come stay with her. Unbeknownst to her, old girl has a crush on her, and it turns into some more shit.
Erica: So, as Kenrya described, this story just ... It's everything a woman needs.
Kenrya: That's a good way of putting it.
Erica: It's a short story. It is back to back to back, and I listened to the audiobook, which was another reminder of why we do this podcast. I was like, "Whoa." It was ... And, Meka just writes the sex so ... She's good. You can tell it's a woman writing about women's bodies, right?
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: It was just, bitch. I was ... I like shorts.
Kenrya: It's a good one.
Erica: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Kenrya: No, I just said it was a good one.
Erica: Oh, yeah. I am ... I like shorts, because it kind of cuts out some of the back and forth, and we get down to the ... Get down.
Kenrya: You're like, "Fuck all that will they won't they, let me get to the yes they will."
Erica: Exactly. I don't like tension and all that. I mean, but even the way she ... I don't have my nails done. I'm getting them done tomorrow. Even the way she wrote about, like, the anticipation and the wanting and the ... Girl.
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: Meka, you my boo. This one is definitely going in my for a lonely night repertoire. Okay. I have this written in all caps. It's much later in the story. The scene where they have sex in the shower?
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: The first thing they do is get shower caps out. Bitch. Yeah. She handed her hers and then she went and looked for an extra because she knew it was going to be down there. I was just like, "Damn, this shit's Black." I literally have this in all caps. Shower caps for shower sex.
Kenrya: Ain't nobody just getting their hair wet, no thank you.
Erica: Sometimes you get out of the situation, because you're like, "This shit ain't right. How you going to wake up with makeup on? How you going to have sex in the shower?" Especially because she got locs, so then you've got to spend the next three days drying them bitches out.
Kenrya: Exactly. No. Drying that shit out?
Erica: Girl, I was just like, "Oh. This is great." And then there was, she said, like, at one point she was like, the sound of the ... The sound of the rain. The sound of the shower on her ...
Kenrya: Up against the shower cap. Yeah.
Erica: It was just so ... Yo.
Erica: This bitch is writing her ass off. Good pick, Killa.
Kenrya: It just felt very real. Very real.
Erica: We all know that my love language, my love expression is flirt. It ain't even a love language. I just flirt, right?
Kenrya: You just flirt, bitch.
Erica: I can't even call it a love language.
Kenrya: Old folks, dogs, babies ...
Erica: Exactly. I can't even call it a love language, because love language makes it seem special. I flirt with everyone. Like, everybody. But when the first part of the story, where they're ... Where ... I want to say Meka. Where Charley, which was a great name for the character ... Where Charley showed up and was kind of dropping hints to Kiki ...
Kenrya: Yeah, but Kiki was like, "I can't tell. Is she flirting with me, or is she just being sweet? Then she rubs up against me, was that on purpose?"
Erica: Girl, have you been in situations like that where you're like ... "What's happening here?"
Kenrya: I have. I'm remembering it most vividly like in college when niggas who thought they were slick. You know, the little ... The boob rub, you passed a little bit too close behind me situation. I can't say that I've experienced ...
Erica: Oh my God. That shit in the club. "Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me."
Kenrya: I don't want your dick on my back. I can't remember it in recent times because I think I'm just ... We're just too grown. But like, absolutely when I was younger. And also not being able to tell ... I mean shit. You know I ended up on a couple of dates and didn't know they was dates until halfway through, so ... That's my own problem.
Erica: Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. I definitely have had situations where one, I was flirting and the person didn't realize that ... Nigga, I flirt with everybody. You ain't special. Because I'm also a closed mouths don't get fed on this boulevard kind of bitch, where I make it plain. Ain't no will they won't they with me. I'm like, "Hey, you. Come here."
Kenrya: Same, at this big age, for sure, for sure. I've never really been a flirter, I don't think. I've always just either been direct or didn't say shit, and when I was younger, it was very much, "Oh, you going to have to start this off." Because I felt like if you didn't have the balls to say how you felt, then I'd just act like it ain't happening. And I'm still that way. If you ...
Erica: Listen. Girl, I was in the car with my kid, and he's like, "What's that?" And I'm like, "What's what?" "What's that?" And so I see the bug. And then at this point, I'm like, "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't see it. What are you talking about?" "That right there." I said, "Oh. What do you think it is?" "A bug." "So then why did you ask me?"
Kenrya: Nigga. Yeah.
Erica: Girl, I am trying my best to avoid ...
Kenrya: You know what I say all the time when this little person does things like that? I say, "Okay, so what would you like me to do about it?" Like I want her to plainly, for real, okay. Think about it. Now, you just brought this thing to my attention. Tell me what it is that you want. Ask for what you want. Don't expect me to read your mind. Don't be passive-aggressive. Don't drop a note. Tell me exactly what it is that you want me to do right now. Teaches her problem solving, it teaches her to open her mouth and speak up for herself.
Erica: Yup. Yup. That's one of those things that my ex is working on with my son right now. He sends him into the store by himself or lets him walk down to McDonald's and that kind of thing. He goes to get his haircut alone, because there's a little barber shop right next to the ...
Kenrya: Right there, yeah.
Erica: He did that shit this past time, and came back and shit looked the exact same. Like, the exact same. Like not even awesome, like I got my shit shaped up. What?
Kenrya: Did you pinch the bitch?
Erica: He was like, "I'm letting my hair grow out." I'm like, "All right." But he hates getting that edge up in the front because it tickles him, or something, I don't know, but I'm like, "Look bro."
Kenrya: That's funny.
Erica: But you know what? That ain't my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Closed mouths don't get fed on this boulevard, and I like ... To me it's like, sexy when a man can articulate. Says, "I want you. I like you. I want to develop something with you." In this world of milquetoast-ass niggas, milquetoast-ass niggas. Yeah. I need you to be bold about what you want.
Kenrya: Speak up.
Kenrya: Which is what was dope about Charley. Charley was like, "This is how I feel. This is what I want. Let's go."
Erica: Yes. But Charley was, as a character, you could tell that's who she was. She was Kenrya. She planned and thought and researched the fuck out of things.
Kenrya: She did.
Erica: I was just like, "Oh wow. This is how planning can be sexy."
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: Yeah. I thought that was dope as hell. I mean, since we going to go there, we might as well jump to that part. The scene where they had the ... Where they were using the toys.
Kenrya: Oh. And of course that made me think of you, because she pulled out a whole chest.
Erica: Yes. Okay, so the scene where they're using toys. I loved it, because one, she talked about, Charley talked about how she had this stuff and she likes this stuff, but this stuff ain't for everybody else. She has to feel like she can trust you into using this shit on her, which is a very real thing.
Kenrya: Yeah. And she hadn't trusted anybody up to that point, either.
Erica: Yeah, because I mean, it's a lot to be able ... To let somebody like, fucking handcuff you to a pole butt naked. Like ... I'm going to trust this nigga. Or trust that they're going to stop when you say to stop or when you yell Rufus. Is it Rufus?
Kenrya: Yeah, it was Rufus.
Erica: You've got to, like, you know ... It takes a lot. So I loved that part. But then, when she asked Kiki, what she asked her ... Am I giving it away? Can I tell it?
Kenrya: I don't know what you going to say. Say it.
Erica: Well, so. They have sex with some toys, and then they, when they're done, when they're finished, first ... Not first. Again. Great, because it showed the talks. We just talked in another episode about how you're supposed to talk about sex so that everyone is satisfied. This was a good conversation. It wasn't awkward or anything like that, it was just, "Oh, so you liked that. Tell me more." And, Charley was like, "I like it, I been researching it, but I ain't never found nobody to do it with." And I was just like, "Yo, that's dope." I think, I keep saying I want to do more research about this. More reading about this. But I keep reading in places that BDSM helps some people work through their trauma about coerced sex and that kind of thing. Trigger warning.
Kenrya: I think we talked to Jasmine a bit about that when she was on, too.
Erica: Yes. And I find ... I read that a big part of it is being able to say, "Yes. No. I want this. I don't want that." And you're gaining control again.
Kenrya: Topping from the bottom. Yeah.
Erica: So ... Okay. Maybe I do that. Yeah. I was just like ... Go. You go.
Kenrya: Yeah. I was just saying, you were like, "Oh, yeah."
Erica: Yeah. I totally do that. When I've had situations ... That is, as a woman, that is how I ... Not as a woman. As a partner, that's how I work, tend to work in relationships. I have become a lot more direct, but I kind of grew up in one of those households where it's like, you know, the man's the head, you're the neck and shoulders, so you turn him around. Or some shit like that. I've always kind of operated ... You know, me and my good old Midwest proverbs.
Erica: A spider once told me ...
Kenrya: All right, Anansi.
Erica: That's something that's been programmed. Let a man be a man. Lead. But really you're running the show and you just figure out ways to do it. But ...
Kenrya: I don't think anyone's ever told me that before.
Erica: Oh, yeah.
Kenrya: I'm just thinking.
Erica: And then I grew up in a home with lots of really strong female ... Females. I grew up in a home with a lot of really strong women. And so ...
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: Yeah, that's how we operated. "Yeah, okay, uh huh. This what we about to do."
Erica: And I'm going to trick him into it. They don't say "trick him," but essentially that's it. And, the older I get ...
Kenrya: There's some manipulation at hand.
Erica: Yeah. The older I get, and the more I think about relationships and what I want my relationships to look like, I recognize that I don't want that shit. I shouldn't have to trick you into doing some shit, or trick you into leading a family the way I want because ... No, nigga, we going to sit down together, we going to have a conversation, and then this is what we're going to do.
Erica: All this goes back to topping from the bottom, because when I have been in relationships like that, I've always been like, "Well, okay, but don't you want to ... All right." So you know, that term definitely hit home.
Kenrya: Yeah. That's what's up. Yeah, I think we know that I just say what I want, and if the niggas are ... And we have conversations about the things that I said, and sometimes I have to apologize for the way that I say things because I don't have a whole lot of finesse when I say things, I just say them the way that they come to my brain sometimes. But they tend to be joint decisions, and the times when I have made unilateral decisions, I have been woman enough to back down off my shit, I'm trying.
Erica: I might have made a mistake, maybe not the mistake in the decision, but a mistake in unilaterally making the decision.
Kenrya: Making it. It was a mistake all the way around, but it's fine. I can admit that.
Erica: So, the nipple clamps.
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: The way she described it and the tone changed.
Kenrya: You know I love me a good nipple clamp.
Erica: Girl, I was like, sitting there like ... "You going to come back soon? It's going to happen." She wrote this ...
Kenrya: It will.
Kenrya: It will. If not ...
Erica: He a pussy.
Erica: She wrote it so well, that you felt it. This was like, chef's kiss erotica.
Kenrya: It made me want to go, I haven't used mine in quite some time. It made me want to go dig them out, because just that little when you brush them, that sensation, oh my God. It's so sensitive and takes so very little to shift the way that she ... Yeah. I was like, "Oh, I need to go dig out my clamps."
Erica: You mentioning this chest made me laugh, because more than her having the chest, her saying, "I brought the chest with me, because I don't need my mama to discover it when she doing a deep clean on my house." When my aunt came to stay with me, I was like, "She going to be cleaning my house, and she going run across some shit she ain't supposed to," But I was like, "Look. If you do, not my problem."
Kenrya: Stay out my shit. You a grown ass woman in my house.
Erica: Stay out my shit. Exactly. Exactly. I won't say it like that to her, I promise. Okay. The biggest theme in this book is having ... I was about to say overnight guests. Being hospitable to people staying with you. You touched on this a bit. Maybe this was in your ... I get our conversations mixed up because I've been doing a lot of editing lately, but you said, "Look. The idea of having somebody in my house ain't cool."
Kenrya: Yeah, it just makes me bare my teeth. I don't like it.
Erica: What's the longest somebody can stay with you?
Erica: Yeah. Damn.
Kenrya: Five days, tops. That's even long.
Erica: Five days is a lot.
Kenrya: Three? Maybe three? Five is the longest that I can stay anywhere else.
Kenrya: And even then, you know, when I go home, I get a hotel room. I don't do those.
Erica: Yeah, it's something about being able to just disconnect from even the people that you're supposably ... Supposably visiting.
Kenrya: For me, one of my boundaries around going home is that I have to have a hotel room. I have to have somewhere that I can go at the end of every day to get away from everybody. I love my folks, and I go there so that I can see them, but I am a person who needs quiet, and a person who enjoys solitude, and I really like being able to go sleep in a comfortable bed and not have to deal with people all night. I'm going to say three days.
Erica: So, you know, my family is the type of family that, "You're staying in a hotel? Why would you stay in a hotel?" They really get upset. It wasn't ... It's not a problem, because now my Granny's house is just, it's pretty much empty, and so I don't mind staying there because I have my own bed. It's my Granny's old bed. It's good and comfy. I've got my own bathroom. That's fine. But before, it was like, "Well, I'm going to sleep on the couch, and you can have my ... " Girl. If you don't just ... No. No. That's too many asses to be moving. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
Kenrya: Yeah, it's too much. My family felt a way when I first started doing it, but I was just like, "I hear you, but this is what I need to do in order to be able to be comfortable when I come home, so I'll see you in the morning." That's it. That's all I got.
Erica: Yeah. And also, yeah. Because staying at ... I go to ... You know you visit a bunch of people's houses and so then you're like, well, this person's here, this person's there, I'm staying at this person's house but I'm going to see this person later on. I just get to enjoy my free breakfast and head on someplace else.
Kenrya: You ain't got to try to get back to somebody's house by a certain time or no shit like that. I just, I enjoy ... I drop my kid off at my dad's, because that's where she want to be, and that's great. And I go do what the fuck I want. I visit all my aunties and see all my cousins, because of course, you know, nobody's going to come to you. You've got to make the circuit and go see everybody else, even though you just drove all the way to the Midwest, but okay. But then I get to go back to my room at the end of the night, and that is exactly how I like it.
Erica: Yeah. My Granny's house actually was the house where everyone would congregate, but now that she's gone, I do a lot more going to see people, going to people's houses, and I'm like, "I don't like that. I don't like that." Because usually I just sit at the kitchen table and eat everything.
Kenrya: And cook and eat, yeah. My grandparents died on my dad's side when I was much younger, so I ain't never had a hub, really. I just always go and I've got to go visit my mentors, and I've got to go see all my aunties, and I've got to see my cousins. I try to get my cousins to at least come to they parent's houses so that I can see them and see they parents at the same time, but that don't even always work, because people got kids. It's just a lot.
Erica: My cousins be like, "Come to my house. We can smoke." I'm not trying to smoke, get smoked out every time I go visit family. But I do appreciate it.
Kenrya: I'm about to say, sounds like they're being hospitable.
Erica: Yeah, I don't mind. They are being hospitable.
Erica: Okay, so what about, we talked about us going to visit other people, but what about people visiting you? Do you have any hard and fast rules?
Kenrya: Yeah, no. Three days. I think three days is it, but I also don't have people come visit me very often. Let's put aside COVID. I don't really do those. I just don't like people in my house. I'm like ... You know how like, you get to the end ... Like on Saturday, you was like, "All right, I'm going to go take a shower and get in my bed."
Erica: I did that?
Kenrya: Yeah. Oh, you was drunk, but yes. You was like, "I'm going to get in my bed, butt naked, and enjoy the rest of my night." We was like, "Okay, girl, we leaving. Don't worry."
Erica: I saw that post that's been going around Instagram, it's like, "How you going to have a hot girl summer if you in bed by 10?" And I'm like "Nigga, that is a hot girl summer." For a few reasons. One ...
Kenrya: That means that you went hard all day.
Erica: Hot girls get their full eight hours, right? Second, if I'm in bed by 10, that means I took a good hot shower, I did my face care routine, I'm in comfortable pajamas, it's not some like, passing out shit. So yes, a true hot girl gets her eight hours, takes care of her skin, removes her makeup.
Kenrya: Yeah. I like it. That's what's up.
Kenrya: I agree. That's what we do. When people were here, which again, doesn't happen very often ... I tend to spend more time in my room. I just ... I like to be alone. I do. I don't like coming out in common areas and there being people there.
Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Kenrya: I ain't shit. Oh my God. Usually if somebody comes to stay, they stay for two or three days, like our homegirl, in Philly. When she comes down, I am always ecstatic for her to be here. She's here for two or three days, and then she goes home and it's perfect. We get to stay up and talk after our kids go to sleep. It's like the perfect amount of time. We have outings planned, we do stuff, and I very much enjoy her company, so it works out really really well. I just feel like after too many days, stuff starts to drag out, and I, because I am somebody who can just sit here and be quiet all day, I think that doesn't work with everybody. It also depends on the people, right?
Kenrya: My partner knows that I can sit here all weekend, and I ain't got to say too much. And when I'm ready to take a nap, I'm going to push his computer over and I'm going to put my head down on his lap and I'm going to go to sleep and he going to sit there and keep watching TV. And then when we get up, we going to eat.
Erica: Yeah. Okay.
Kenrya: Yeah, that's just me. I'm not a ... You know what it is? I used to always tell my ex-husband when his girls would come over, my stepdaughters. He would always feel like he had to have activities and things. I'm not that person. I'm like, "You coming to chill? We're fixing to chill chill. We fin to talk, we about to have all the catch up conversations. We going to watch some movies together, we going to look at our horoscopes, I'll go through pictures that you've been meaning to show me." But everybody wants to be up and about and doing ... And I don't want to do any of that. I guess it just depends on the person, but I don't know. When do you max out? See, you have people over and you be all right, it seem like.
Erica: I like people over. I have a much bigger space. I don't have to share a bathroom with them. When I was in my old house, girl. We could have niggas there for ...
Kenrya: Oh, nigga, you might not even know that they was there.
Erica: Exactly. That has happened a few times.
Kenrya: People could be in the basement and you would never know.
Erica: Why is this strange car parked outside? Exactly. So yeah. I don't mind it. I enjoy entertaining. I enjoy having people at my house in my space. But, like Killa has said, when I hit that point, it's a wrap. It is a wrap. It's not even like, a number of days. It's just like a number of hours in the day. All right. We've had all our time together. You can do whatever you want, but I'm going into my room to my bed.
Erica: It's not that bad.
Kenrya: I also do that.
Erica: My grandpa was good at that. He would just, y'all think he going to the bathroom, that nigga be in there knocked out, asleep. I might have done that too. I'm also one of those people that if I'm hungry, if I'm sleepy, if I'm ready to go, that's what we going ... I'm ready to go. I'm hungry. You know? I didn't drive ...
Kenrya: How many functions have we snuck out of because I was ready to go and you was hungry and we just backed away.
Erica: Let's go. Yeah, we just like ... Everybody...Perfect. Time to run.
Kenrya: We leave from homecoming parties, we leave from potlucks, we leave.
Erica: Girl. There's, again, there's only certain people you can roll with, because our other girlfriend who has my little boy friend, not boyfriend, but her, the son ...
Kenrya: She got to say bye to everybody.
Erica: She got to say bye to everybody, and then she's like ... It's just ... Good God.
Kenrya: I love her dearly, but she ain't ready to go yet and I be ready to ...
Erica: And then when you get her ready to go, then it's like, "Okay. So let me go say bye." I got to, "Girl, what about this." I remember one time we were trying to leave and she asked somebody about the paint on their walls. And they were like, "Oh, I got it downstairs."
Kenrya: That sounds exactly like her.
Erica: So then they went downstairs, and rummaged through paint cans, and brought paint cans up, and then she took ... I was just like, "Girl."
Kenrya: That's her exactly in a story.
Kenrya: Which is why we roll together, because we can just get in the car and go.
Erica: Yeah. And, look, I'm ready to go. I'm not ready to go. And we understand. Okay, I'm going to call a Uber.
Erica: Or a ride share.
Kenrya: I can't remember ... We probably have never done that too many times, but still, yeah.
Erica: Yeah. We do ...
Kenrya: Because we're independent.
Erica: Kind of leave together.
Kenrya: We do that together.
Erica: Yeah, we generally come and leave together just because it's like, okay, we both know when we are about to max out.
Erica: Because Kenrya's usually tired of people and I'm usually tired of the food and want to go stop at Chick-fil-A on the way home or something. Yeah.
Erica: My only ... A few things. One, I realized that I have become that Black mama that don't let my kid in my room. He keeps his laptop and cell phone in my bedroom at night, because I caught him, my brother caught him in the middle of the night playing some game.
Kenrya: Yeah. I remember.
Erica: To which he asked him, "What are you doing?" And he said, "Going to get something to drink?"
Kenrya: Listen, they be thinking we're stupid.
Erica: I tell him all the time, "I'm smarter than you. I'm smarter. You might be able to do a trigonometral, trigonomical equation, but I'm smarter than you." So he comes in my room just for that, but if I told that boy to get something out of my bathroom, he probably would be so confused, because no, that's my space. You don't come in here.
Kenrya: Go ahead.
Erica: So I'm like that with guests. Stay out of my space.
Kenrya: I go in your room. I don't care.
Erica: Bitch, you don't count. But yeah, generally with guests, it's like, "Nah, you ain't ... Uh-uh." I'd be quick to leave some drawers on the floor, not flush my toilet like your child.
Kenrya: That's always your warning, because I always use your bathroom. I used your son's bathroom the other day and I just felt all discombobulated because I never do that, but I also had to pee really bad. I was like ...
Erica: Actually I cleaned my house really good and cleaned his bathroom.
Kenrya: I figured you did.
Erica: It's me.
Kenrya: I figured you did, because yeah. But normally I would ... You'd be like, "The toilet is ..." Damn. You'll be like, "The toilet." And I'll be like, no worries.
Erica: I feel like I make my house comfortable enough for people to come visit, right? You have all your needs. When people came to take care of me, they had phone chargers, toothbrush, toothpaste, everything you need. Ain't no reason for you to come in my room. None whatsoever. So stay out of my damn room.
Kenrya: Makes sense to me.
Erica: Also I wake up early. I'm up at the crack of dawn, so you need to understand that. I'm not going to wake you up and bother you, but just know I'm going to be rustling around in the morning. Which is also why I don't like staying at people's houses, because you know. I was that kid at a sleepover that was waking up, sitting drinking coffee with they mama, because everybody else asleep.
Kenrya: I've always been the one that I'm worried that I'm going to sleep too long at somebody's house, but luckily I never really get that comfortable at anybody else's house, so I guess it works out.
Erica: That has something to do with it, too. I'm not, yeah.
Kenrya: Yeah. I end up waking up, so it's fine. I am the same way with my room. I just, I'm like, okay, common areas are for people.
Erica: Common areas are common for a reason.
Kenrya: I do let people I'm close to use my bathroom, just because it's cleaner than my kids' bathroom.
Erica: Girl. Our kids' bathrooms be like a cesspool and yeah. At our old house, we legit had a guest bathroom.
Kenrya: A guest bathroom, soon as you came in. Yeah.
Erica: But now, the guest bathroom is my son's bathroom. Girl, I kept passing, because of our custody schedule, he'll be gone for days at a time. And I kept passing his bathroom. I kept smelling Mr. Hanky.
Kenrya: Oh no. Oh no.
Erica: Girl, I went in, I was like, "What is this?" Opened up the toilet, he had tried flushing it but it didn't flush all ...
Erica: Girl, I was just like, "Oh, I'm so happy nobody came to visit," because again, I keep a clean house.
Kenrya: People are not going to judge you for your kids. Listen. It is what it is. This one cleaned ... I went to take my walk in the morning and I came back and I came back to ... I was getting pictures as I was walking in that she was vacuuming and she'd cleaned her toilet and she was very proud of herself. "My bathroom is sparkling." I'm like, "Good, because I didn't want to smell it, so I'm really glad that you did it before I had to tell you to get in there."
Erica: It probably wasn't sparkling, but we're proud of her nonetheless.
Kenrya: I am very proud, because I didn't have to tell her to do it. She went in there and did it herself, and that is a big deal in and of itself. She nine, so.
Erica: Little nasty thing.
Erica: Did Meka ever tell us what Charley was an intern for?
Kenrya: I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think we really got details into the program except for that it was like a two ... Like the first few weeks were like an audition to get, to actually get the internship. Which was something that Charley kept from everyone until she was settled into the house.
Erica: Because she was like, "Y'all wouldn't let me go." Okay, so ... Charley's brother, slash Kiki's best friend. This dude was like, a bit much when it came to protecting his little sister, right?
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: I hate that shit. I find a lot of times ... It wasn't the case in this situation, I don't think. I find a lot of the times, most guys that are super overprotective of their sisters and daughters don't want them running into a nigga like them.
Kenrya: Right. Yeah. It's usually because they're trash and they know that there's other trash out there.
Erica: Uh-huh, and got trash-ass homeboys, so all they see are trash-ass niggas, and they be afraid of that, right? I think in this situation, it was more of a, "I don't want my sister's heart to be broken."
Erica: Because they kind of ... He kind of said that when they mentioned that they were dating. But yeah. Again, I grew up in a family with a lot of strong women. I have an older brother. I have older cousins. Occasionally they try to be like, do that big brother shit. But then I'm like, "No. No." My brother don't even know how to do it. He might ... I'm like, "No." "Okay, yeah sis." He don't know how to do that shit properly. Which I appreciate, because it's like, "Come on, now." And as a mother of a son ...
Kenrya: It always ... What?
Erica: You go, sorry.
Kenrya: I was going to say, it's just always kind of creepy to me, because it comes down to this whole treating your younger person, your sibling, like this possession. This thing that you hold and that you get to gatekeep and it just feels weird to me. Especially when it's a girl who you're treating that way, because so often folks who were assigned female are treated in this way as if we're someone to pass on from one person to another. Like it's your brother's job to pass them, to give their approval and pass them on to this other person. “Well, nigga, I'm a whole person. I get to make this decision.” That always bothers me.
Erica: Yeah. I agree. I remember at my wedding, I was like, "I don't want nobody to give me away. Nobody's giving me away." My oldest brother walked me down the aisle, but then he stopped and then I went to my ex-husband, because I was like, "Nah. I got bills in my name. Ain't no motherfucking way somebody giving me away. If you giving me away, you taking the shit that existed before I got gave." Because yeah. I don't like that. I do think that there's a difference between just solidly caring about your sibling versus, "Can't nobody deflower my girl," or whatever.
Kenrya: That weird ... That's like, it's around prom time right now and they've been posting those ... Yeah. The guns and the, yeah. White people. Nobody can get to my daughter thing.
Erica: As a mother of a young boy, I'll be goddamned if he showed up, spent all his little money, his coins, on getting a little girl, taking somebody to prom, taking somebody to prom and their parent shows up with some guns in pictures and shit.
Kenrya: Like, what the fuck? This is violent.
Erica: Yeah. Yeah, no. You ain't going to do that shit. People think it's cute, but no thank you. I'll pass.
Kenrya: It's really weird.
Erica: Okay. You got anything else to say other than ... Untwist the face.
Kenrya: Oh, no, that was me thinking.
Erica: Oh, okay. You was like ...
Kenrya: I was trying to think if there was anything else that I wanted to talk about in this episode. No. I think we covered it.
Erica: Covered all the bases. All right, well ...
Kenrya: We did. We did.
Erica: Now we are going to our, after a short break, we will go to our next segment.
Kenrya: What's turning us on.
Erica: Jesus Christ. We've got to be ...
Kenrya: I did it.
Erica: Okay. All right, child. We'll be back.
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Erica: Okay, y'all, so welcome back to our next segment, what's turning us on? So you've got ...
Kenrya: Yeah, that's what this is.
Erica: Kenrya got something to show y'all.
Kenrya: She's the worst. Okay. What's turning us on this week is this card game. It kept coming up in my Facebook feed. You know how they keep feeding you shit over and over again and that shit coming up on IG too, because if it's on one it's on the other. I had been thinking about buying it for a while, and so finally I was like, "Fuck it. Let's do it." I'm really glad that I did.
Kenrya: It's this card game. It's got 199 questions. The point is for you to sit with your partner and ask the questions and get the answers. We did it. We've played this game once in the evening before I got too sleepy. Be able to sit up and be coherent. It's got questions in a bunch of different categories like money questions, longevity questions, questions that look back on your history before that person and with that person. Sex questions, all kinds of stuff.
Kenrya: For the most part, there were some questions that were a little weird. There was one that was, "How do you know that I can support you?" And it felt super presumptuous. One, it presumes that I do think that you can support me, two it presumes that I want you to support me. We had some where we kind of rephrased them for ourselves and then answered them. Then there were questions like, the things that we always talk about you should be talking about with your partner.
Kenrya: Part of why I like this is because I think that there are some folks who really do need those prompts to have those more ... Not difficult, but challenging conversations. Things that are beyond the surface, so things that you should be talking about, like how often would you like to be having sex? Do you think we have enough? Do you not? Things like, how much money do you think we need to be able to be stable? Do you think we'll be together in 15 years? What's some other ones here? How has your upbringing ... How was your upbringing different than mine and how does that affect the way that you show up in our relationship? Yeah.
Kenrya: We sat and probably went through 20, 25 questions, just kind of answering them. It was interesting to see where we had the same answers, where we diverged. There was one, it was like, "What do you think that I think is my best trait?"
Erica: Oh wow.
Kenrya: Shit like that. Yeah. Then we both answered it, but then we also answered what we actually think our best traits were, so it was really interesting to get inside his head and give him a peek, and things that we might not have thought to ask each other. Then when we finished, it was like, "All right, let's have sex." We talk a lot about how intimacy is not just sex. It was a very ... It fostered this really intimate conversation, and then made us want to get even more intimate when we were done. So yeah. It was very turn-on-y. I very much enjoyed the experience, and we're ... It's so many cards. Like I said, we only made it through maybe 25 of them, so we've got another, fucking, almost 275 more cards to get through.
Kenrya: It's fine.
Erica: You said it's ...
Kenrya: Yes. Mm-hmm (affirmative). You're right. That's better math.
Erica: Well thank you for sharing that. We will include a link to purchase that in our show notes. With that, this is Kenrya and ... Well, Erica and Killa, your two favorite hoe-hosts, making it clap.
Kenrya: Making it clap.
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Hit subscribe right now on your favorite podcast app, and at YouTube.com/TheTurnOnPodcast so you'll never miss an episode.
Erica: Then follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod, and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. You can find links to books, transcripts, guest info, what's turning us on and other fun stuff at theturnonpodcast.com
Kenrya: Don't forget to email us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com with your book recommendations and your pressing sex and related questions.
Erica: You can support the show by leaving us a five star review, buying some merch, or becoming a patron of the show. Just head to TheTurnOnPodcast.com to make that happen.
Kenrya: Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon. Holla.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.