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This week, we're revisiting Season 2, Quickie 3 of The Turn On. In this bonus episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya cast a few of this season's books with known and unknown stars.
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Erica: I didn't even want to call you about this, because I was like, "we got to save it."
Erica: Hey y'all, so we're back with another double dippin’. Today, instead of giving you a full episode, we're going to give you one of my favorite episodes. And I knew that this was one of my favorite episodes, just because of the premise, but then going back and listening, I was like, "Oh, we was some wild ass bitches." So...
Kenrya: Oh my God.
Erica: Season one, quickie number three, we called it The Casting Couch. In this episode, we went, picked a few stories from that season, and casted them with our folks. I cackled-
Kenrya: Oh my God.
Erica: The entire episode.
Kenrya: I was listening to this on the way to a neurologist, and it made me feel so good.
Erica: Yeah. I was like, "Ooh," because this was when we were recording together in the basement.
Kenrya: Yeah, we were in your closet.
Erica: No, this was-
Kenrya: Oh, this is basement by then. Yeah, yeah.
Erica: But it was just like, "Man, this is dope." I feel like it was one of those episodes where, hopefully listeners, you saw us, and why we're so good together. And it was just foolish. And, by the way, Jesseca Dupart, she is now engaged to Da Brat.
Kenrya: Is she?
Kenrya: Oh, I love that. I love her.
Erica: And they do stupid shit like buy each other Bentleys.
Kenrya: Oh I heard about that. That's her?
Erica: Yeah, they buy each other Bentleys, and got 80 million little ass rat dogs, and it's the cutest fucking thing.
Kenrya: Oh my God.
Erica: But I launched her career. I helped her launch her career.
Kenrya: Oh my God, that's awesome.
Erica: I have nothing to say about this episode, other than the fact that we were absolute fucking fools, even down to our lightskin slander, I apologize.
Kenrya: Bitch, look, it says “lightskin slander.”
Erica: We apologize to our light-skinned brothers.
Kenrya: Oh my God. It was bad, it was real bad.
Erica: I was on a date with this nigga, and he's sitting there, so we're talking, and he's like, "So all, are all your brothers and sisters light-skinned like you?"
Erica: I was like, "Nigga, you from South Carolina, you don't know what light-skinned is. I'm brown.”
Kenrya: Yes, you are medium brown.
Erica: Yeah. But anyway.
Kenrya: Okay, it's all relative. I kind of felt bad, how bad we talked about them.
Erica: We were so disrespectful to niggas. It was like, "Hey nigga, he's just a random, I found this information."
Kenrya: We was really on one that day. Mel Johnson got all the smoke for no fucking reason. All he do is exist to have pink lips and lick them. Why was we so bad?
Erica: Because, that was you. That was all you. That was all you.
Kenrya: It was. I must have been feeling a certain way because, gol-ly I was with the shits.
Erica: It was wild. What else came up for me? John Cho still. Oh.
Kenrya: Still, still.
Erica: Daniel Dae Kim. This pussy.
Kenrya: Yep. Daniel Dae Kim as well. We are in the middle of watching “Cowboy Bebop,” live action, and one of the best parts is that is John Cho, leading every episode, being fine.
Erica: Yeah. What is “Cowboy Bebop”? That sounds like a restaurant.
Kenrya: It's an anime that Netflix re-did as live action. And John Cho stars as the main character, Spike.
Kenrya: It's actually really good, but it got canceled after the first season because folks didn't show up. But also it's a super expensive show, like to produce. And I get [crosstalk 00:04:33]
Erica: Like y'all got niggas in jackets and jumping on stuff.
Kenrya: Yeah. A lot of costumes and they're in space, they're space cowboys. So it's like ships and exactly. But I'm really actually enjoying it. And I'm only partway through the actual anime. I called myself trying to watch it before we started this and didn't make it before it came out. And so I said, "Fuck it," but enjoying it either way. So.
Kenrya: Yeah. Made me think about that. And then I have "waves" written here, but I don't remember why, but I feel like you said something real ignorant about
Erica: Niggas with waves. Who knows, it was...
Kenrya: I don't know,
Erica: This was like...
Erica: This episode goes down in our ignorance greatest hits, like this foolishness greatest hit.
Kenrya: And we were sober. This is like us at a club drunk, but we were not.
Erica: Yeah, we were stone sober. Yeah.
Kenrya: We really were. But yeah, no, this does not sound like it, but we were. So enjoy. If you like us at our most ratchet, this is it.
Erica: This is a good one. This is good.
Kenrya: So yeah. Enjoy that.
Erica: All right. You got anything else?
Kenrya: Mm-mm (negative).
Erica: Okay. we, you know the rest. Bye
Kenrya: Have fun.
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: So welcome to this week's quickie of The Turn On. This week we are going to take books that we've read in this first season and cast them with people you may or may not know.
Kenrya: Yes, actors if you will.
Erica: Actors, or just IG... just niggas. Okay, so we're going to first start with the story, The Train, which was from our episode where we did-
Kenrya: “Erotic Confessions.”
Erica: “Erotic Confessions.”
Kenrya: It was episode five I think.
Erica: I'd be lying if I said something but nonetheless-
Kenrya: I think it's episode five.
Erica: “Erotic Confessions,” one of the stories in that book was The Train. So we had three major characters, Vernice and then the two dudes, David and Dominic. So Kenrya, who would you cast as Vernice?
Kenrya: So, I got two people and I have them not because I think that they fit the character of Vernice necessarily because Vernice was very... She didn't like people, she's kind of depressed, right? She didn't fuck with anybody in her office, but she wanted to fuck these two dudes. And I was thinking about, who do I think could play this kind of Dowdy, whatever really well, even though that's not really who they are. So the first might seem out of left field, but hear me out. It's Yvette Nicole Brown.
Kenrya: Right? I feel like she could play the shit out of that and she can milk the comedy out of the scene when they're sitting in the conference room and he drops the fucking gum on her lap and she feel like the steam is rising up off her pussy. I feel like she'd be really good at that. The other person is MJ Rodriguez from “Pose.” Yeah, her character on Pose is so fucking-
Erica: She's not very "zhuzh" but she has it in her. It just is not quite as evident.
Kenrya: Right. But she can do that, "shit's fucked up. But I'm out here. I'm a hard worker. I'm just getting my shit done."-
Erica: Yeah, "I'm working in the nail salon"-
Kenrya: Yeah, yeah. "But, ooh, I'm sitting here fantasizing about fucking these niggas." so, yeah. So she's my pick for the female lead. Those two, I couldn't pick one.
Erica: Okay, so my pick was Kimberly Elise. Maybe I'm-
Kenrya: Yes. We haven't seen her do anything so long either.
Erica: She always plays the, "The Lord and the world is against me." But I feel like it needs someone that's just real, I don't want to say dowdy but just kind of-
Kenrya: Who can do dowdy.
Erica: Who can do dowdy.
Kenrya: Because she's beautiful. I fucking love to look at her face.
Erica: Yeah. But who can do the, "No one likes me."
Erica: So Kimberly-
Kenrya: But then she can turn it up.
Erica: Yeah. So, Kimberly. And then you can see cutting to a bitch getting rammed by two niggas.
Erica: So, that was my pick for the two.
Kenrya: Yes. Okay, So who are the dudes?
Erica: So for me, I ain't even picked niggas. Because the story ain't about them, they just two fine motherfuckers. So, y'all pick two fine niggas from a video you saw like-
Kenrya: Like from porn.
Erica: From whatever, just-
Kenrya: Interchangeable dicks.
Erica: The nigga bagging your groceries that's cute. Just two fine niggas. Yeah, I was sat here trying to think about who I was going to pick and I'm like-
Kenrya: We didn't know shit about him except for she-
Erica: Fuck them, we don't need to know shit about them except for the fact that they fine, so. Two fine niggas.
Kenrya: So I kind of approach it the same way-
Erica: Fine nigga one, fine nigga two.
Kenrya: Listen. For me, I was like, just interchangeable niggas. Dudes that be in movies, but you don't know their names, which is why I was sitting here trying to figure out the names of these cats. Because it's just these dudes that pop up in movies and you're used to seeing them, but you don't really know who they are, but you know that they pop up. So I finally, after lots of research, lots of Googles and IMDBs, I found two of the men whose faces, were my brain.
Erica: Just fine niggas. Go on. I have my Googles ready to go.
Kenrya: Well, if they fine for who you think they are. So the first one is this light-skin nigga, he interchangeable as fuck, he got pink lips, he got curly hair, he's the villain in a whole bunch of movies and got arched eyebrows. His name, Google tells me his Mel Johnson. So the movie I finally tracked him down in and after searching is Soul Food. You know this nigga, you just don't know his name but you seen him in a whole bunch of shit.
Erica: Mel Johnson.
Kenrya: Google faster bitch. Google Mel Johnson-
Erica: Because the first Mel Johnson that showed up was-
Kenrya: M-E-L Johnson and Soul Food.
Erica: Yeah. Mel Johnson has been acting since '79 so that ain't the one.
Kenrya: That's not him, unless he was a kid acting.
Erica: No, he was. Okay. Mel Johnson Soul Food.
Kenrya: You see him. Look at him. That nigga. He just pop up in things. I'm not attracted to light-skinned men but-
Erica: Just also, let's just note that we're old as fuck. So there's probably young people that's like-
Kenrya: Well, that's what Google is for. You got it on your phone, on your device and then-
Erica: So, Mel Johnson...
Kenrya: Yeah, whoever that is.
Erica: But, no. I totally get it. I totally see it. Yeah, just a fine nigga with some.
Kenrya: If lightskin and niggas is your thing.
Erica: I'm wiping my lips...
Kenrya: Exactly. Yes.
Erica: Okay, and who's the second one?
Kenrya: I just saw him smoothing his goatee as he walks. Yes. And then the other one that came up as I was searching, who I did think was fine when I was younger, is Khalil Kain. Khalil Kain was in Juice. He was, fuck, Raheem I think, in juice? The one who got killed.
Erica: Oh. He was also in “Girlfriends.”
Kenrya: Yes. More recently. Just Interchangeable lightskinned niggas.
Erica: You got too many lights. light brights.
Kenrya: Because to me, I don't know if She did. Look, I'll be honest, the reason that I went with light skinned dudes is because they were faceless to me and I don't really... That's fucked up. Yeah. It's not that I have not been with light-skinned dudes. My child is evidence.
Erica: Bitch, you was married to a whole lightskinned.
Kenrya: But that ain't mine no more.
Erica: You furthered lightskinned population.
Kenrya: Yeah, I did but so. Again, it was just, in my mind they didn't have no faces. So it's random interchangeables.
Erica: Okay, so the next story that we're going to choose to cast is “Bad For The Boss.” So in “Bad For The Boss,” there are three characters. Jennifer, who was the main character; Aria, who's Jennifer's best friend; and Theo, who is Jennifer's boss slash-
Kenrya: Slash lover.
Erica: So I'm just going to do all three.
Erica: First for... Oh shit, I don't know what I have right here.
Kenrya: You can't read your handwriting?
Erica: Can't read my hand writing. Amber Riley.
Kenrya: What? Okay, I'm going to go first.
Erica: Oh no, I see what it says. So, for Jennifer, Amber Riley. Because I feel like Amber Riley is-
Kenrya: Oh, yes.
Erica: In my mind She's just...
Kenrya: Super fly. Thick.
Erica: Cute, thick, that kind of thing. So, Amber P. Riley. I should've put a P so I would know. Best friend Aria, I'm thinking a white girl. Did she say she was white in this story?
Kenrya: No, she's Black.
Erica: She was Black.
Kenrya: She just liked punk rock music and that kind of shit.
Erica: Oh, in my mind, she was white and unproblematic so I picked JoJo because I've been listening to the fuck out of PJ Morton's song with JoJo, which made me think about the fact that-
Kenrya: I used to listen to JoJo hardcore in the early 2000s.
Erica: Yeah, she was an unproblematic white girl, so we'll scratch that. So I don't know who I have as the best friend. And then for Theo, John Cho. Okay, so here's the thing. Theo is supposed to be Chinese. John Cho is Korean. So horrible, I know, we're wrong. But John Cho from “Harold And Kumar Go to White Castle.” And girl, he has aged like some good fine wine.
Kenrya: He has aged like a fine motherfucking wine. Fine fine.
Erica: So, yeah. John Cho you can do whatever you'd like to me. DM me, I'll give you my address. Yes.
Kenrya: Oh my gosh. So, I also had this issue where going through all the Chinese actors I could think of, they were all too young because he's supposed to be in his-
Kenrya: Yeah. Is he supposed to be 40?
Kenrya: Oh. So I went even older than that. John Cho, I think, is 40 so I actually could've went with him.
Erica: But this is Hollywood so a 40 year old would be playing a 20 or 30 year old-
Kenrya: Yeah, you're right. Especially for a man.
Erica: So you get a 60 year old playing a 40 year old so, yeah, maybe I did go too young.
Kenrya: Yeah. Well, so then my pick is Daniel Dae Kim who is also South Korea, which is fucked up. I mean he's born here, but whatever, he ain't Chinese but he fine, fine.
Erica: Okay, what's his name again?
Kenrya: Girl. Daniel Dae Kim. Wait til you see his cheekbones.
Erica: Bitch. Yes, yes. He could do all the things in the world he'd like to me.
Kenrya: Yeah. He's basically who I saw while I was reading-
Erica: We'd have little sexy babies.
Kenrya: So, Daniel Dae Kim and then for Jennifer, I got Danielle Brooks.
Kenrya: Right? She would be so fucking good in that role doing her little social media-
Erica: She's a little too tall for me, but yes. But I-
Kenrya: Is she tall?
Erica: I don't know in my mind she's tall cause I think of... But she's perfect so-
Kenrya: Everybody taller than me so I don't fucking know-
Erica: Who cares, right? This is Hollywood and she's probably short. Okay, so-
Kenrya: And then For her best friend. Because I miss seeing her and old girl together on “Orange Is the New Black,” because I had to quit Orange Is the New Black anyway, Samira Wiley.
Kenrya: Right? She would be good as the little punk rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Erica: Oh, You're right. Okay. So Kenrya has the job casting.
Kenrya: It took so long.
Erica: Okay, so our final book is Let Me Free you, which you remember-
Kenrya: It's the hotep book.
Erica: It was the hotep nigga and the chick. So.
Kenrya: who do you have?
Erica: Okay, So y'all about to see the kind of Instagram hoes and the type of people I follow on Instagram. So on Instagram there's this chick and her name is Jesseca Dupart, or whatever.
Erica: And she sells like shit for your hair, but she's from New Orleans, she's light-skinned. She has this long weave, wears all these different colors. When I tell you her ass is massive, her ass is huge.
Kenrya: Is it Jesseca Dupart.
Erica: Yeah, something like that. And so she sells these miracle drops. So nonetheless, because the-
Kenrya: Oh she thick.
Erica: Thicker than a Snicker. So, in the story, she's thick and she's cute and she's just kind of around the way filet. Just in and out and about in the business. In my mind when they were describing her in the story, that's who I imagined because that's who I know from Instagram. Jesseca is a boss bitch. She from New Orleans, she got her whole crew, baby. That's my New Orleans accent.
Kenrya: I like it.
Erica: So, that's who I had. And then for the hotep dude, Neil. And, again this is another Instagram-
Kenrya: I love that the Instagram folks are getting love.
Erica: Instagram hole. So remember that nigga from years ago that was a daddy and hand this bomb ass beard-
Kenrya: That fucking beard. With the baby with the cornrows.
Erica: With the baby. And he had the cutest baby. And I followed him but then I realized as I was following him-
Kenrya: He was using that baby as a thirst trap.
Erica: This nigga real mad hotep. So, him, he'd be perfect-
Kenrya: Yeah, he got it in him already.
Erica: So, his Instagram name is Jai_Amaru_13. So it's J-A-I underscore A-M-A-R-U underscore one three.
Kenrya: I had to stop following him a long time ago.
Erica: I stopped following him a long time ago, it took me a minute to find him, but I was like, that's exactly just fine as fuck, read books, a good daddy, but problematic.
Kenrya: Does he? Does he read books?
Erica: He probably Ain't got no chin, that's probably why he got that long ass beard.
Kenrya: You know, they say beards are the makeup for folks who want to grow them.
Erica: beards are like contouring for niggas.
Kenrya: Yes. Yes.
Erica: So what about you?
Kenrya: So, you know how much we love our Black Christmas movies.
Kenrya: And there is this Black Christmas movie... It's not quite as series, it's these two movies that take place at the same time with the same characters, but they focus on different characters. And they're called, You Can't Fight Christmas and Miss Me This Christmas. And in one of them-
Erica: was this a whole series that we ran?
Kenrya: No, Not the family where they get... Like Marry Me at Christmas, Baby at... Not that one. these are on Netflix and yes.
Erica: Yes. Okay, yes. With homegirl
Kenrya: The decorator, the chick who does the Christmas-
Erica: I love her.
Kenrya: Yes. So, Her name is Brely Evans, B-R-E-L-Y Evans.
Erica: They're perfect. That's it. don't even want anymore. And then that man is perfect-
Kenrya: She's so fucking pretty. And so Sage is a makeup artist and her makeup is always so good and. I just feel like she would be the perfect chick like Sage in this because she thick, which Sage is, she is beautiful, she clearly a little... She got somebody doing [inaudible 00:13:58] whatever. She just felt perfect for this part. And then I was trying to find-
Erica: So you don't want to do them as a team?
Kenrya: Well I thought about it, no bullshit. I was like, it could just be another movie in that series because he fits the part. The guy who plays opposite her whose name I don't know. Maybe it's-
Erica: He fine, he got a beard. One of them high and tight beards. Bitch, you know. You seen them mains where like, "He ain't shit." and then you be like, "but he got a beard"-
Kenrya: He got a beard girl, his beard connects.
Erica: That's me. Oh, okay. Sorry.
Kenrya: Yeah, I know. But no, he would be great. But also, I was thinking about who is hotep and so I was doing some Googles, trying to find actors who are outed hoteps. And I came-
Erica: Did you google hotep actors?
Kenrya: Yes, I did.
Erica: And you got a list.
Kenrya: That's it, I got a list.
Erica: So, from the list, who did you choose?
Kenrya: I hate to even say his name but Columbus Short. Not that I really want to see him fucking-
Erica: Nah, he's too short, he's too shiny-
Kenrya: What do you mean? What do you mean?
Erica: And He's too liquidy?
Kenrya: This body roll she just did-
Erica: I did a body roll as I said liquidy. In my mind, Neil has a bit of Scruff to him.
Kenrya: Because he was coming out of rehab and shit. He's too polished, I guess.
Erica: I feel like Columbus Short's scruff would be like sparse baby hair five o'clock shadow. I fel like this nigga-
Kenrya: Yeah, you right.
Erica: I Feel like Columbia Short's beard grows in with waves.
Kenrya: He fucking wishes.
Kenrya: Oh Lordy. Well that was fun.
Erica: Well, that wraps up this-
Kenrya: Our casting.
Erica: Our casting, our dream-castings of these-
Kenrya: Is it dream-casting?
Erica: No, not-
Kenrya: I don't actually want to see some of these people having sex. I just think that they'd be good as the-
Erica: I don't mind seeing anyone have sex. However, I don't want to see some of these people act.
Kenrya: I don't want to see. Well, this is true, but we also enjoy a good bad Black movie.
Erica: I love a good bad Black movie, good bad Black show.
Kenrya: Yeah. So, I'm not mad at it actually.
Erica: All right, well, we'll see. Actors, actresses, producers, let us know. So, this is Erica and Kenrya. Two hoes making it clap.
Kenrya: Two hoes making it clap.
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Hit subscribe right now in your favorite podcast app and at YouTube.com/TheTurnOnPodcast, so you'll never miss an episode.
Erica: Then follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. And you can find links to books, transcripts, guest info, what's turning us on, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com.
Kenrya: And don't forget to email us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com with your book recommendations and your pressing sex-and related questions.
Erica: And you can support the show by leaving us a five-star review, buying some merch or becoming a patron of the show. Just head to TheTurnOnPodcast.com to make that happen.
Kenrya: Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon. Holla.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.