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In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya talk to "Theresa" about shifting attractions, being empowered through porn, sexual freedom as a turn on and putting fingers where they've never gone before.
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Kenrya: Today, we're talking to Theresa, a 42-year-old divorced executive living in the Northeast, whose pronouns are she/her. Hey, Theresa!
Kenrya: Thanks for coming on today.
Theresa: So happy to be here with you all.
Kenrya: We're happy to have you here and now we're finna get all in your business.
Theresa: All right, let's go get in.
Erica: Let's jump in. You're like, "Damn." When do you remember first masturbating?
Theresa: I would have been probably around six or seven-ish. Six or seven-ish. Probably around seven.
Erica: Okay, so what's your preferred technique? What was young Theresa's preferred technique? Sorry.
Theresa: There was a bear. Oh, there was a bear. Oh, when I think back, oh.
Erica: That bear got the business.
Theresa: He got the whole business. He was a big bear, if you think about the fact how an average seven-year-old would be at that height, and it was like one of those almost big ... Big bear.
Erica: I had a Minnie Mouse like that.
Theresa: Yeah, just big. It was just big enough to be my real friend, and it was thick. It was thick and it was white, and I could just hop on top of that bad boy and just go to town. Yeah. I don't know, who knows how people figure those things out, but once I did, it was like, "Me and this bear need some alone time."
Kenrya: I feel like a lot of time it's like accidental. We brush up against something and get a good feeling and be like, "Oh."
Theresa: Yeah, because you have the bear in a bed, you cuddle with the bear, and the next thing you know, you had a couple drinks and one thing leads to another.
Erica: That Tang got real crazy one night.
Theresa: Tang got to popping, and me and the bear were best friends. Yes. Yes. That's what I remember.
Kenrya: Does your bear have a name?
Theresa: Now here's the dumb thing. My mom would remember. We ain't going to ask her. We're not going to. We're not going to ask her.
Kenrya: Leave her out of this.
Theresa: It might have been Oscar, but it might not have been, and I would have to ask her to confirm, and I couldn't fix my face well enough to ask her the right way. We're just going to call it The Bear, yes.
Kenrya: Okay, cool. We're going to jump to another first. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
Theresa: Kisses were in kindergarten. Kisses would have been early years, like five, six. Maybe that's who Oscar was. Maybe he was in my kindergarten class. That's who it was. Yeah. Back in the day, and I don't know how old folks are, if you remember back in the day, which would have been the early '80s, light-skinned dudes was in. He was a little light-skinned dude in class. He was my little buddy. He had curly hair, and I thought he was cute. Kindergarten, that was my first little friend, first kiss.
Erica: Light-skinned niggas in the '80s got-
Theresa: Yeah, they got-
Erica: ... all the play.
Theresa: ... all the play. All the play. My mom even told me when I was younger, she was like, "You're going to grow out of that. Shoot. You going to grow out of that."
Kenrya: "You're going to experience more of the world."
Theresa: Yeah, my father's a dark man, and she's definitely a fan of the chocolate. She was like, "You'll grow out of it," and she was right. Of course, I appreciate the entire rainbow at this point. Yes, kindergarten, first kiss, Oscar, light-skinned bro.
Erica: You was watching “The Last Dragon” and shit like that.
Theresa: Come on now. The Last goddamn Dragon, Jesus Christ, everybody wanted Taimak.
Erica: He wasn't even really light-skinned, though.
Theresa: He wasn't.
Erica: He had that wavy-
Theresa: A little tan situation happening. Oscar was my little Taimak.
Erica: The question is, how old were you when you had a sense of your gender identity?
Theresa: Also very early. Very early, because what had happened was, and this is why we changed names, it's because it's my father's fault, God bless him. My parents will say that I came out loving pink and stuff and I was a girly girl. I don't really remember feeling that was a girl thing or something. I just remember I thought stuff was cute. I thought the Pink Ladies ... I grew up with “Grease 2” for some reason. “Grease” 1 was not in my household. “Grease 2” was the thing. The Pink Ladies had their little jackets and stuff, and I just remember really loving pink everything.
Theresa: The neighborhoods that my parents were able to find when I was young, first in the South and then in the Northeast, both times had girls that were my age and then boys that were my brother's age. I always had a good gaggle of girlfriends, but here's the thing. I found porn very early. My father is an immigrant, God bless him, and maybe not as keen on how to hide things.
Erica: [inaudible 00:05:45].
Theresa: He really hadn't put too much thought into where to put things. I remember finding not just magazines, but hardcover magazines, thicker, well produced.
Erica: He was like the good shit.
Theresa: I remember seeing these women who were ... They just looked like superheroes. They looked like, "Look at my shit. I'm about to fly into the sky with my legs wide open. I am the champion, and you will bow to me." I was like, "These women, this is some boss shit." I just thought that they were everything, and there were always men that were like, "Ah," and men were worshiping them. That's the way I saw it. I don't know, that's the way I saw it. Every time I saw something that was pornographic, I was like, "These women are clearly in control."
Erica: Bad bitches.
Theresa: Yeah, which is interesting given the dialog on porn now and how it's abusive to women and stuff. I'm like, "That's never been my experience with it." As soon as I saw it, I was like, "These chicks look they having a good time. They look hella satisfied with life." I remember identifying with that and being like, "Okay, cool. We got this."
Erica: "I found my tribe."
Erica: In these fancy ass magazines.
Theresa: Bust it open. Bet.
Erica: Tribe bust it open. I am a part of that tribe too.
Theresa: The bust it open tribe, early on.
Erica: Tribe bust it open. My bad, I was about to jump over you, Kenrya.
Kenrya: How old were you when you first started experimenting with other people?
Theresa: Eight. That first one, I'm just going to put it out there, listen, I know I'm not alone, the first little grind situation was a cousin. He was a cousin that might've been one year older.
Erica: Boy cousin? Girl cousin?
Theresa: Boy cousin. He was here in the country for a bit, didn't speak the greatest English at the time.
Erica: He was like what are y’all doing in the States.
Theresa: We ain't got really much to talk about. We were like-
Erica: Show and tell.
Theresa: We were the same age-ish, and yep, made use of the time. Made use of the time. I remember even before that, before we moved back North, I would play house. There would be that thing. The way I remember it, I was always hype about being rubbed up on. There was that, so house was always cool, because you'd get a little alone time under the covers and stuff. No, okay, I'm going back even further. There was a babysitter. There was a babysitter. Oh Jesus, it was all sorts of wrong, but there was also a female babysitter who was probably not in her right mind and used to ... I had an older brother. I think he used to get to touch on her. I think every once in a while she would be ... That's bad. Also playing house.
Erica: It's the truth.
Theresa: Little, which I thought was awesome. This is the thing. None of it struck me badly, then or now. I don't have traumatic memories about it. All of it just felt great. I feel like I always felt safe. I never felt like I wasn't safe or that I was confused about any of it. It always felt like I was in some way complicit, even though I'm sure legally things were wrong. Then it was playing house. Then it was my cousin when we moved back up here. I remember we would play little animals. We would be little lions, and then somebody would be sniffing somebody else's butt. Then the next thing you know, somebody would be grinding, humping somebody's butt. That was cool. That was the first. That was the start, was early.
Erica: I think it's interesting that you noted that you've always been okay with it and felt safe. Do you feel like that contributes to why you're so sex-positive today?
Theresa: Yes. It not only contributes to why I'm so sex-positive. It's why I feel passionate about helping other people, because I've recognized that if you can go through these things and come out okay, it means that it's possible to be okay. For people who aren't okay, it's helpful to see that there is a possibility of being okay. If you just think this happens to everyone and everyone is destroyed for life, then that's just your only option, but if you see that you can actually be okay after certain things, then hopefully that can help usher people. Even at my worst times, I've always felt very positive about the healing nature of sex and feminine power in sex. I've never felt not empowered. I've always felt good, definitely.
Kenrya: Can you tell us about your first time having actual partnered sex? How old were you? What was that like?
Theresa: Sure. My first oral, oral was first, a little boy went down on me. I was 10 when that happened. He had an older brother.
Erica: It took me niggas in ...
Kenrya: Man, I think I was 18 the first time I did oral, and it was a whole conversation, because we were so stigmatized by that.
Theresa: Oh now.
Erica: I feel like guys expect it, but it wasn't ... Good job.
Theresa: The first time I went down on a guy, I don't know how old I was. I must've been in college. I was probably in college. The first time a guy went down on me, we were both 10. He had a very much older brother who was telling him, "This is what you should do." I remember what panties I was wearing. I remember where I was. I was sitting on the steps in his house. It was great. Fast forward, the first time I tried to have intercourse, I was 13. The little boy I was with was too big. God bless him. He was a year ahead of me in school. I'd known him for a while. He was I think was the community first-time guy. He was
Kenrya: Breaking everybody in.
Erica: He's a mercenary.
Theresa: He had figured out how to get things going and was just going to go around to all my girlfriends and make sure that if we needed something, that we were looked after. He really tried. I was like, "I don't think this is going to work. Just looking at it, this looks like something that's not really smart and possible."
Erica: Y'all got the virgin mercenary
Theresa: God bless him.
Erica: ... take care of this job.
Theresa: Helped so many of us out. We all appreciate him. Then my first time actually ended up being a year later. I was 14. I had a boyfriend. I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. I was a cheerleader and he was a football player. It was all very cute. I remember it stinging a little bit. I remember feeling like, "Yeah. Bear down. This is going to feel good one day. This is great." I was just so happy to be with him. He was so patient and so concerned about whether or not I'm okay. I was like, "Yeah yeah, let's keep going. Let's push through. Don't give up. You can do it."
Erica: "You can do it."
Theresa: "You can do it." I was determined to not walk out of that room having not had sex. It worked out well. You know how we are at that age. Ain't nobody supposed to be in your house. I had to skip out of his house. It was in walking distance from my house. I skipped home, giggly-gooed.
Erica: When did you have your first orgasm with a partner?
Theresa: It must've been him, but I haven't locked that one away. I don't know. They just started happening. I honestly cannot remember. I can't remember. I can't remember. Good question.
Kenrya: What three words would you use to describe sex in your teens?
Theresa: In my teens? Sex in my teens. Sex in my teens, it was aight, if we're going to use that one word.
Erica: It was a'ight. That's three.
Theresa: A'ight. It was protected. It was confident. At the time, there was a behavior that I never really ... I was on the outside of things. I wasn't in-crowd growing up. I was already a weirdo outcast, child of an immigrant who couldn't jump double dutch or speak right. I talked like a white girl. There were a lot of things I think that were common thought that I just couldn't subscribe to, and one of them was, "Oh, so-and-so's been sleeping with all these people, they're a ho," or that sort of stigmatization. I didn't have that. I just felt like, I don't know, "If I want something, I don't see a problem with getting it." It was free in that way. It was confident. The sex comparatively I'm sure was just it was all right.
Kenrya: Then what three words would you use to describe sex in your 20s? Your face!
Theresa: Interestingly enough, I was married in my 20s. I was married. Sex was, early 20s, it was great, frequent, and then confusing. It was a transition. Things were great and they were frequent. Then during my marriage it really got confusing. That would be my first experience with if I were to call anything sexual trauma, that would be it, having to deal with my husband at the time. He not only was extra big, I had never experienced emotions complicating your libido. I couldn't figure it out. Of course we're all young at that point and he couldn't figure it out. "We used to do it all the time before we were married. How come we're not doing it now?" I'm like, "I don't know. It used to work and now it doesn't." It's just so weird in retrospect thinking back that that wouldn't have occurred to me, but of course when you talk to 20-somethings now, you're like, "You don't know shit about shit. Damn, you stupid!"
Erica: [inaudible 00:17:37].
Theresa: Because it just really didn't occur to me that my fear of this man and confusion about our relationship and disappointment about our relationship would have turned off my vagina. What? You like sex, you like sex. You should be able to at least like the sex part. My body was like, "No, bitch. No. We don't like him. You don't like him. I don't like him either." I'm like, "Oh, okay." It wasn't until long after I was out ... Actually, no, forget long after I was out. The day after I left, she woke up like, "We out, bitch! We out! Who's he, him? Them two, who are they?" I was like, "Oh, word. You're here? I didn't know. I thought you were dead. I thought I'd reached my peak and that it was time for retirement." She was like, "No, I just couldn't stand that nigga."
Kenrya: The body always knows.
Theresa: The body knows. The body knows. It's just again, the weirdest part about it was not realizing it in the moment that that's what it was. It does make me think about women now who are like, "I don't know what's going on." I'm like, "Damn." I remember being there and not realizing. The 20s were very complicated. It started out great and then it fell off. Then right before I turned 30 it picked up again.
Kenrya: Now let's move on to your 30s. How would you describe it?
Theresa: The 30s were a turn up. The truth of the matter is, yeah, the 30s were great. 30s are when I started having multiple orgasms. Multiples on multiples. I thought that that was a very nice gift. After my 20s I was like, "Okay."
Kenrya: “I deserve.”
Theresa: Thank you. I was like, "This is very kind of you, because honestly the 20s were a wreck. I spent my 30s, most of them, split between two long-term monogamous relationships. There was never a time I was in a relationship where I felt even an urge to be with someone else, which is interesting, because now I'm a lot more open. At the time it just wouldn't have occurred to me to think about multiple people or whatever. I was very comfortably in these relationships. The first one was with a younger man. He had a whole bunch of energy. I thought that was great. Everything was great great great. Sex was great great great. It was great. Then the second one was with another gentleman who was also great great. He was uncut. That was interesting interesting. I learned some things. You learn some things. You're like, "Oh, okay."
Erica: "Oh, a turtleneck."
Theresa: Yeah, "What is this? What's going on here?" The first time I saw it, I really was like, "What?" Because I don't think I'd even thought about uncircumcised penis. I got to know that. The sex was great. 30s was easy. There wasn't a lot of guessing going on. I knew who I was going to. It was good every time. 30s were fine.
Theresa: 30s were lit. 30s were lit.
Kenrya: What about your 40s?
Theresa: Oh my God, you know what's so funny? I'm thinking about the 30s like they were forever ago. I'm like, "I'm not even that old." I'm not even that old. Really I just covered the first half of the 30s. No, it's all been good. There was a couple of years where the sex was just ... Me and my life went sideways. The 30s were great. The 30s were when I really, like I said, the multiples came. 40s, still going. Still going strong. Sex has been great. I'll tell you this. Jeez. In the last seven years really, my sexuality has shifted, because prior to maybe 37, I had really only been with men. That's a strong really. I said that a little too hard. I'd been with a couple girls early on, but they don't count. They don't really count, because it was all like, "Wait, what's happening here?" I never really went after it. It wasn't until my late 30s that I started enthusiastically having sex with women too. I think it was always in some threesome situation. It was always like, "Oh, she cool that it's going down." Then I got to a point where I'm like, "How do I find you without this dude?"
Kenrya: Forget about the middleman.
Theresa: Just forget, yeah. "How do we cut out the middleman? Sis, how can I see you?" That got to be cool. That got to be really cool. I thought it was an interesting shift in my life. I didn't know what to do with, like, "Do I want to be in a relationship with a woman or is it just sexual?" My body's been doing great into my 40s so far. I'm horny all the time.
Theresa: All the time. All the time.
Erica: We like it. We like it.
Theresa: Turn up.
Erica: Tell us about a sexual experience that you remember fondly.
Theresa: Last week. No. All right. Honestly, okay, again, this, we got to ... I just recently, I've had so many great, great, great, great, great, great experiences. Threesomes have been great. Just recently was the first time a man allowed me to finger his asshole.
Theresa: Jesus holy hell fire. Come on. Dreams and goals. Goals in life! I really felt like, "Check this box! Yes!" Why? Why do I care? I watch a fair amount of male gay porn.
Erica: Me too.
Theresa: What I'm finding is, first of all, I love men. I love men. Just spiritually I love men. I think because I love anal play so much, I wish more men knew how great anal play was. That's weird. When I see men enjoying anal, I'm like, "That is everything I love in one video. All the things coming together." Being able to be with a man who understands that, without feeling like-
Erica: Is comfortable with that.
Theresa: Is comfortable with it.
Kenrya: Because it's deeper than just, oh, this sex act. It's all the things that come into play that allow him to be comfortable with you putting your finger in his booty.
Theresa: That comfort, man, that freedom is just such a turn on, man.
Erica: Listen. Her fingers. She's literally moving her fingers.
Theresa: All of you all. All of you all. All of you all. Knuckles deep, man. Knuckles deep, man. Honestly.
Erica: I love it.
Theresa: Woo! You hear a brother say, "Deeper," you be like, "Oh!" Lord have mercy. I'm sweating. Jesus Christ. That shit was such a blessing. That was a memorable moment for me that just, just happened, into my 40s.
Erica: It's just nice to be with a man that is comfortable letting go of all of that shit and just-
Theresa: Yeah, man.
Erica: ... riding away, "Let's see what happens."
Theresa: Honestly. I've been trying, goals again, to get a DP situation going. Really it's a fantasy to just have two men. The only opportunity I've had, they can't keep it up, because there's something inside them that's just like, "I can't do it." It's just like, come on, man.
Theresa: Yeah! "Do it for me! Focus on me. Whatever. If you brush up on each other, it's all good. We're all in this together."
Erica: You both are literally in pussy.
Theresa: Right. Fix your mind. You have been emotionally scarred into thinking that this is a problem. Why? I don't know. That's not scientific. I am frustrated with how deep-seated Black male trauma is and how it complicates my goals.
Erica: Fucking up my shit!
Theresa: "Can't you just get over your trauma for me?"
Erica: "I got shit I need done to this! Bang!"
Theresa: Yeah. We still got work to do. We still got work to do.
Kenrya: Goals. We just going to keep-
Theresa: Yeah, goals.
Kenrya: ... going towards those goals.
Theresa: That's right. I'm going to hug them into my vagina.
Erica: On average, how many times do you have some sort of sexual contact in a week?
Theresa: [inaudible 00:27:13] when I used to have sex.
Erica: It includes masturbation. Masturbation, sexting, nudes, all that.
Theresa: Daily. Daily daily daily daily. Daily. It's funny, because I have a whole case of toys that I never use unless somebody says, "Bring the toys." I never use them on myself. I have one little vibrator that I keep under my pillow. I go through stints where I'm just not interested in using it. Then I get through some days where I'm like, "Just do it." You ever have to force yourself to masturbate? You have to be like, "Just do it. Just do it. You'll feel better after you do. You'll go to sleep. Jesus Christ. Just do it."
Erica: I definitely have. Two nights ago, I was like, "You know what? We got to handle this."
Theresa: "Turn it on! Just turn it on!" You make yourself do it. I every once in a while will get the nerve to record myself doing something. I have a little small audience of folks that I'll send things to who just appreciate receiving a gift of video. Those folks every once in a while pop up and say, "Hey, send me something." Then besides that, yes. When I'm in something, when I have somebody regular, it's usually a once-a-week situation.
Kenrya: I know you said you're horny all the time, but are there certain times a day that are best for you, either because of time or interest or other shit that's interfering in your life?
Theresa: No. It usually comes down to the evening for me. It usually just comes down to the evening based on schedules. I was seeing this one guy where every once in a while, which is too much for me, we would fall asleep without having sex. Then I'd hop up, because I'm an early morning person, early, early, 4:00, 5:00 in the morning and be like, "Look, I got to go and be out." Then once I ended up staying until 8:00 or so I realized that around 6:00, 7:00, he would wake up and be like, "Now is the time." I be like, "Oh, I didn't even know I was leaving before the show." I didn't know. I had no idea. Then you start staying a little bit later. You're like, "Okay. That's how it's got to work, I will stick around for that." Usually it's just the evening for me. I'm down all the time, but just in terms of schedules, the evening is usually when things get popping, late night.
Kenrya: When you are in a partnered sex situation, is there an optimal amount of time that works for you? Are you a quickie girl? Are you a, "We got to be at this for a few hours," kind of chick?
Theresa: My last situation of four years, which just ended this year, unfortunately, we had a pretty good-
Erica: It ended because it needed to end.
Theresa: It did need to end! It did. It really did.
Erica: [inaudible 00:30:25].
Theresa: Yeah. It's tough. I love him to death. Still good friends. We still have had sex twice since then. It couldn't be this regular, regular thing that it was. What it was is, for one we had a routine. I don't mind routine sex at all, especially if it works every time. You just do the little combination. You spin it to the right, then twice to the left, and back to the right, and it's like, "Oh, open. That worked for me. It worked."
Erica: Like a fucking cheat code.
Theresa: Yeah, cheat code, cheat code. He spent a lot of time going down on me beforehand, which was a blessing. Honestly, some nights you just do that and I'll be good to go. I return the favor and we're just like, "That was great." As a matter of fact, the first time we ever had sex it was just oral and it was so great. It was like, "I might never have to have sex again. This is fantastic! Nobody's ever, ever ... " He's so great. It was great every time. I just let him be down there as long as he wanted to. He wanted to be down there. How much time would pass, Jesus Christ. I think an hour max between oral and penetration. Then we'd do that and then I'd hop on top and then he'd hit it from the back, and then he'd hop on top and then we'd bust. Then we'd be like, "Yay, we did it again." That would probably be an hour every time.
Erica: We did it!
Theresa: Exactly. Now the finger experience that I had most recently, that was a marathon. That was going 30 to 40 minutes, then passing out, then waking back up and another 30 or 40, then passing back out, which was also great. For that steady, no, you can't, we're not going to do quickies, because like I said, I come a lot, and so I never feel really done done until it hurts a little bit, like, "Ha cha cha, ha cha, ha ha." You got to tap out, because you really shouldn't anymore. I do appreciate someone who can give me a little time.
Erica: When you were partnered or when you partner, where do you usually do it?
Theresa: Usually in the bed. Usually in the bed. I would like it other places. I think I have expressed that, not to him, because there's really no other place in his house that would've made sense.
Erica: Those good urban apartments.
Theresa: Yeah, where you're like, "This is it. This is all we got." I like it other places. It's funny, recently I was thinking about car sex. I haven't had sex in a car in a while. I don't know if I'm romanticizing it because I don't remember it and it was really whack back in the day. One time last year I was in a park on the hood of a car in the rizzain.
Erica: That sounds delightful. That sounds like a '90s RnB music video.
Theresa: I had the nerve to actually care about my press-out for a second. I was like, "Oh no, my hair," because it wasn't pouring rain. It was just drizzling, misting. I was like, "This is bad for my hair." He was like, "If you don't shut up."
Erica: "Shut the fuck up and take this dick."
Theresa: "If you don't shut up!"
Erica: You was like, "My bad!"
Theresa: I was like, "You right. You right. I'm sorry."
Erica: "My bad. What was I thinking?"
Theresa: "What was I thinking? We don't get chances like this often." I do, I love when you get those opportunities. That's always fun.
Erica: What's the best part of sex to you?
Theresa: So many good parts.
Erica: You literally bit your lip and looked out the window.
Theresa: So many good parts. The beginning, middle, and the end. I really do love good oral. I love giving and receiving. I love giving. I do love sucking dick. Goddamn.
Erica: Yeah, sucking dick is good.
Theresa: Sucking dick is so great.
Erica: Eating pussy.
Theresa: Yeah. Honestly I feel a little robbed, because I feel like I haven't had enough. I feel like I need more practice. It's been a long time. I'm a little salty about that.
Erica: You have one, so you know how to do it.
Theresa: I don't know, because there's one time one girl told me that I wasn't good at it and I ain’t know how I felt about that. I was like, "Nah, man, maybe it's your pussy. Maybe you don't even know how to ... " I didn't say any of that, but I. I felt really like, "I don't know, am I bad?" It was early on. That was early on. I love good oral. If it's bad, it's very frustrating. Also, I don't know, I'm a fan of penetration. I like it all. It's like which kid do you love the most. That's not a fair question. Next question! That's not fair. I love it all.
Erica: What's the most frustrating part?
Theresa: You know what's frustrating? The more I talk to people now, I'm realizing it's a thing, or apparently, or I don't know, it sounds like it's a thing after I've talked to several people. I would love a guy to be able to stay hard longer when I'm on top. What is that? Is it a circulation thing? How come they can't stay hard when you're on top?
Erica: Get him a cock ring. See, some guys are just mm about toys.
Theresa: They're super mm about toys. I would love-
Erica: I feel like a cock ring would him-
Theresa: ... to ride more often. That's one.
Kenrya: It would keep more blood there.
Theresa: That's the top of my mind frustration, especially because if I'm wet and I'm upside-down, you're not going to get as much of it, but if I'm on top and I'm just dripping down, that's gravity. You going to catch this. I'm also like, "Yay, I'm on top," and then they're like, "Man," and they move me. I'm like, "Ah! Shit. This would've been great if I could've ... "
Erica: That's that, "Let me move you before I bust."
Theresa: I think sometimes it is. It's like, it's a little too wet and maybe we should try something else. This is true.
Kenrya: Are there things in your day that ever keep you from being in the mood? Are you one of these people who work can intrude or family shit or whatever the hell?
Theresa: Nothing's going to stop this loving. Moods, no. No. No. Just my period. I have not mastered feeling great during my period. I've even sometimes, not often at all, but there have times where I have been horny on my period and still been like, "Nah, I can't." That's just not a threshold I've crossed.
Erica: I'm a fucking horn dog.
Theresa: Yeah, but do you have sex on your period?
Theresa: "I'll ask the questions here!"
Erica: It depends on the partner. Some guys be like, "Bitch, throw down a towel." Other ones be like, "Eh, let's wait."
Theresa: I've definitely been with some people who are like, "That's not a thing." I'll be like, "It is a thing. I can't do it." No, there's nothing else that really, unless I got a problem with that dude specifically, it's not, no. Nobody has talked me into it.
Erica: You're like, "There's always a way."
Theresa: There's always a way. Keep talking.
Erica: We talked about baby Theresa's masturbation. What about now? How often do you masturbate? What are your preferred techniques?
Theresa: I'm super boring. Like I said, just me and that little vibrator. The truth of the matter is honestly I am a new vibrator user. Only in the last...2017, maybe 2017, the last three years. Just that's it. Before then it would be finger. It wouldn't even be finger inside. It'd just be clit stimulation with my finger. I watch porn. Sometimes I can come off imagination. It was always clitoral stimulation with my finger. That's what it was. Now it's just clit stimulation with a vibrator. Every once in a while it might be a shower head. Just might. You might get that every-
Erica: I've never done the shower head.
Kenrya: Me either.
Erica: I actually live in a house now with the thing.
Kenrya: I literally travel from house to house with my own detachable shower heads that I take down theirs and put my own shits up, but I've never used it for that purpose. It's just easier to wash all this fucking hair.
Theresa: Because of the hair thing, I need a good hard-pressure shower head. For a long time, I'm going to say probably, maybe since my 20s, I have found shower heads to be occasionally handy.
Kenrya: I feel like I may need to try this. I've heard it so many times but never done it myself.
Theresa: You get one stream-
Erica: I've got a project for tonight.
Theresa: ... going straight at your clit.
Erica: I got a project for tonight.
Theresa: There you go.
Erica: Thank you very much.
Erica: What would you change about your sex life if you could just snap your fingers and make it so?
Theresa: If I could snap my fingers and make it so, I would abolish all STDs.
Erica: Get rid of them niggas.
Theresa: Real quick. Real quick, because you could drop a load off and I'll catch that Plan B real quick, but this them STDs.
Erica: Chop shop like a motherfucker.
Theresa: "I already took it, don't worry. It was Plan A all along." No. Definitely, yeah, that would be it. That's a lofty ... Are we talking about something that's actually more real and realistic?
Kenrya: Nah, anything.
Erica: Honey, if you snapping fingers and making things happen, we want big shit.
Theresa: That would be it. Everything else would be great, great, great. I have no complaints otherwise.
Kenrya: All right. What is a sex best practice that you'd like to share with our listeners?
Theresa: Sex best practices. Here we go, because not a lot of people have the opportunity or take the opportunity to share this, but I think I've mastered anal prep.
Kenrya: Let's talk about it.
Theresa: I think there's just a lot of women who are skeevish, rightfully so, because they are uninformed about how to properly prep for anal. Everything from, I'm not really big on watching what you eat. I don't eat a bunch of crazy stuff, but just knowing what's going on with your stomach is important and clearing out early enough. Then I love my tribal douche. It's just easy peasy. It's in a little zipper case that it comes in. You just fill it up with some not hot water and get that cleanout going. Lots and lots and lots of lube. I now only recently because of my gay male friend recommended, I had no idea about silicone lube. It really just never dries.
Erica: So much better.
Theresa: Oh my God, never, ever dries.
Erica: It stays on top.
Theresa: Yeah. You just turn that bottle open and just upside-down into your ... Just empty half a bottle of lube into your ass. Sometimes if you just finger, stretch yourself out a little bit. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt at first, but if you keep going through the tunnel, you get to the other side, there's a pot of gold! Pot of gold! I really wish more women would take the steps and get good about it, because it's one more ... It's like if you was going to Six Flags every year and then you found out that there was a whole other wing of Six Flags you didn't even know exists. You're like, "Oh shit! There's all these rides on this side too? Man!"
Erica: "You all see this shit?
Theresa: "I've been coming to Six Flags for years! I had no idea they had these rides when you turn the corner." It's just a whole other amusement park in your booty hole.
Kenrya: I love that analogy.
Erica: Amusement park in your booty hole. Do you have any must-use tools?
Theresa: Just the lube. Right now I think I'm cute, because I'm always wet, so I don't use a lot of lube for vaginal. Even sometimes I'm like, "I probably should've used lube."
Kenrya: Those moments are always the worst when yo ass is being big and bad and then you finish and you like, "Oh, maybe I should've-"
Theresa: Dammit! Lube is cool, because you know had you stopped trying to be cute, it probably would've been even better. You're like, "You know what would make this better is lube. You'd forget I have it on and we'd just be going to town." That would be my number one, because otherwise, like I said, my experience with toys isn't super duper duper long.
Erica: We always do a would you rather question. Would you rather give up, if you couldn't do it at all ever again in life, masturbation or partnered sex?
Theresa: Masturbation. What? Next question. I ain't going to touch myself. You going to touch me? I don't have to touch myself? You're going to do it? I'm lazy as shit. Hell yeah. I'd give up masturbation in a second. My lazy ass.
Kenrya: Same actually. Also, in part because I'm lazy, because I be so tired and be like, "Okay, I don't feel like going through all of that." To me, and I would not imagine I'm necessarily the majority in this situation, but the orgasms are not as intense for me as they are when I'm having partnered sex. It's always a little disappointing. It's like, "Is that all there is?"
Theresa: It feels like maintenance. When you make yourself cum, you're like, "Okay, that was cool, good, got that out of the way."
Erica: You're laying in bed. Wake up the next morning, wash your face like, "You dirty bitch. Look at you with your nasty ass."
Theresa: I am having deep vaginal orgasms right now, and I enjoy that. Bring on the partner.
Kenrya: All right. What do you hope that people will learn from this little walk through your sex life?
Theresa: Honestly, the thing I'm actually still trying to learn, honestly, over everything, and I'm not a parent, is about that early, that childhood development. It's not so much of this is what I wish you would learn from me knowing, but it's something I hope we all learn a little bit better, is really what's okay and what's not and how to figure out when to intervene with your kids or how involved to get. My parents were very not involved. I was stealth as a mofo. I still am. I'm very protective over my sex life when it comes to my parents. I never talk to my mom. I never talk to my father. I turned out okay, but I don't know if that's okay for everybody. I think that more so than anything, that's something I'd want to continue understanding and investigating so that I could help other people, how to deal with your kids and how to deal with whatever you went through in your childhood.
Kenrya: All right.
Theresa: Yay. I adore you guys.
Kenrya: Yay, and we love you too.
Erica: Thank you so much for joining us.
Theresa: Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. I wish I could be here-
Erica: You're so much fun.
Theresa: ... every day.
Kenrya: This is what we love about this show. We get to talk to dope people about dope shit.
Theresa: Yeah, about the dopest shit on the planet.
Erica: Maybe we can bring you back to go a little bit more about the backdoor action.
Theresa: Yes! I will talk about that uncovered. I will tell you about my real life.
Erica: "This is my booty. Look at pictures. That's me in the background."
Theresa: Exhibit A! Exhibit A. I am currently missing the backdoor action situation.
Kenrya: That wraps up this week's episode of The Turn On. Thank you all for listening, and see you soon.
Erica: This episode was produced by us, Erica and Kenrya, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Now you can support The Turn On and get off. Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app, then drop us a five-star review, and you'll be entered to win something that's turning us on. Post your review and email a screenshot to us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com to enter. Our Patreon page is also live. Become a supporter today and access lots of goodies, including two-for-one raffle entries. Don't forget to send us your book recommendations and sex and related questions. Follow us on Twitter at @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram at @TheTurnOnPodcast. You can find links to books, merch, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you soon. Holla.
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In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya read K.A. Smith's "Parking" and talk about having car sex, keeping things fresh and remembering that you're a bad bitch.
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Kenrya: Come here, get off.
Erica: Okay y'all, welcome to this week's episode of The Turn On. This week we are reading “Parking,” which was written in 2014 by the fabulous K.A. Smith. So sit back, relax, get your wine, your weed and whatever you need and enjoy.
Kenrya: “Parking,” by K.A Smith. Vivian pulled the car to a stop on the street instead of pulling into our driveway. I lifted my hand, half asleep from the long drive home, and looked out the window. Even in the dark of night, I could see I needed to spend some time weeding near the fence. I made a mental note to take care of it tomorrow before it got too hot.
Kenrya: I looked over at Viv wondering only briefly why she hadn't just pulled up to the house. The 66 Charger grumbled harshly as we sat. I had never been crazy for this loud hunk of metal, but Viv loved it. And when she suggested we take it tonight, I couldn't find a reason not to. "Did you forget the garage clicker?" I leaned back against the headrest, a smile tugging at my sleepy mouth. She was always forgetting things. Just that morning she forgotten her wallet. I met her at the door, my short robe, breasts peeking out teasingly, "Did you forget something?" I waved her wallet in the air playfully. She ambled up the driveway, shaking her hand and grinning sheepishly. "No, I didn't forget," she said next to me now.
Kenrya: Her voice held a hint of desire, gravel thick and rough. She turned to look at me. Her eyes held the same sumptuous tone of flecks of gold shimmering. She’d cracked the window, letting a tendril of air curl inside. "Then just pull into the garage babe, I'm ready to get out of this dress." She raised her eyebrows suggestively, her cheeky grin hanging on her face. "I can help with that," her face implied. I looked her over in the driver's seat. She was a fine dapper gentle lady in her all-black suit. Viv was suave, laid back, but always thinking behind those almost black eyes. I let my vision feel with her moving over her slowly, wondering what thoughts she had working behind those intense orbs of hers.
Kenrya: “Let's stay here a minute.” She settled back into the lush leather seat after turning the ignition off. Her body tilted toward me at an angle. Viv propped one leg slightly in the curve of the low slung door and spread her legs a bit. The streetlights splashed across her lap accentuating her generous package. She put her hand on her thigh, spreading her fingers out. Her thumb twitching near her hardon, outlining its silhouette. "Come here," she said, her voice slipping into a lower register. She nodded me over with a cocky head tilt, still rubbing her leg beneath her slacks. Her firm thigh strained against the material. The air in the car was becoming thick and hot despite the vents she left open in the window. I felt the air pressing down on this, creating electricity from our heat.
Kenrya: Viv? I questioned, feigning surprise. I kept my voice low, but excitement and anticipation was creeping in on me. Was she attempting to seduce me? Are we parking right here in front of our house? "Come here," she said again. And this time she lifted my hand onto her lap and rubbed herself against me. She was hard. Vivian tried to maintain her composure not wanting to rush me all at the same time, but our engine was revved and far from idle. I felt the tiny hair stand all over my body, my sensor liquefying and rushing toward my car.
Kenrya: I kept my hand on her lap, absorbing her heat. "What do you want?" I asked, playing a flirter in my eyelashes. "You know what I want baby." Viv reached down between her legs quickly and pulled the lash to adjust the seat, grip, the seat rolled back to its furthest notch, fast with a hard stop. She stretched her legs out, spreading them even wider. Pressing deeper into my palm with a single upward thrust of her hips. The moving seat jostled me, jerking me along with her. She reclined the lumbar to a more comfortable position waiting. I bit down on my lip to quiet my surprise. Her quick movements made me giddy and a little bit flustered like a high school kid about to get in over her head. I was no longer drowsy from the car ride. Her spontaneity made my pulse thump in my ears.
Kenrya: I lifted my knees into my seat under my but so I could face her better. But I paused for a moment making my eye contact count. I've never done that before, I whispered lowly, grinning and leaning over her. If this is what she wanted then she'd have to let me play my part. I worked my hand along the shaft of her cock slowly, grinding my palm against her so she could feel everything my fingers were about to do to her. I want her to understand my intention. She groaned and let her hair fall back against the seat pushing into my hand, "Come on Stace, don't be a tease." A smile played on her face as she said it, such a corny weak line to try to persuade me, but I knew what she was doing and I couldn't help but smile too.
Kenrya: Viv put her hand on my thigh kneading me through the skirt of my dress. Her touch caused a heat in me like no other lover ever had. It was instantaneous, sparking, igniting, and then spreading all over me as soon as she placed as much as a finger on me. She knew my body better than I did. Fifteen years together and her kisses still made me dizzy. Her touch me all of my nerve endings spire rapidly until I was completely spent. She held me at the waist, spider walking her fingers up to the sides of my dress.
Kenrya: She pulled it down slowly, then slipped her hand inside catching only bare skin. I didn't wear a slip or a bra. She found out quickly just how naked I was underneath my black chiffon and sequins. She murmured deeper in her throat. Both my nipples tightened to peak as Viv trailed her fingertips over my skin. She pinched at my breasts as her fingers made their way to my sharp, stiff nipples. Rolling my tip between her fingers, she administered more for persuasive techniques. "What if the neighbors see?" I whisper. "They won't baby, I promise." Viv was right. The way she parked at the end of our driveway had us between a row of hedges with the streetlamp behind us.
Kenrya: I looked out the rear window then back at her, she must have been thinking about this for a while, me and her swaddled than a darkness of the front seat of our car. She slipped my dress far enough off my shoulder so it fell to my waist. Our breast dangled free, and she kept one in her hand, twisting and teasing me with firm pressure from her fingers. "Please, Stacey, I got a feel you on me, baby." Her voice was all tension and knots and liquid desire. I want us to prolong this tantalizing pleasure, but I was just as worked up as she was, the confined space at the front seat, the gear shift pressing into my thigh made me tingle. It had been a long time since I parked in the car and fogged up the windows with a cute girl.
Kenrya: And here we were in our after gala finery and the car outside of our house acting like two teenagers who might get caught fooling around. I wondered if this was in her plan from the beginning tonight. She took a painstakingly longer time to get ready than usual. I was well into my dress and heels before she was dressed for the fundraiser. No, this couldn't have just occurred to her on the way home. Thinking about her premeditated actions had me squirming in my seat. I unzipped her trousers with one flick of the wrist, tucking my hand inside for a quick feel. Oh, she definitely planned this little seduction. The silk of her briefs whispered against my palm.
Kenrya: She was packing something special just for me, a piston to deliver a series of long, hard strokes. How she's been so calm, cool and collected all night as I whisked her around the room of the museum, introducing her to people was such a rod in her pants? With her hand firmly tucked in mine, she hadn't given me any inclination of what was in store for me. Vivian helped me pull her cock out and on first glance at her thick member my cunt paused and a moan escaped my throat. I nibble my lips a little, wet in my mouth preparing. I wrapped my hand around a base of her cock watching Viv rock her hips slowly. I leaned in, settling into position over her. She was impatient, rocking and thrusting her hips upward to meet my lips.
Kenrya: With her hand firmly on the back of my neck, she guided me down over her. I licked the tip wetting it real good. I felt her eyes had on me and I knew she liked it when I coated her shaft in a thick layer of saliva. Viv held herself still as I took her into my mouth inch by inch. She filled my heart whole, soul completely. There was hardly any room for my tongue to work. A tongue underside of her cock as I took it in and out. I wrapped my lips around her tits, swirling and licking with my tongue listening to her cool, then took her in again all the way to the base.
Kenrya: With one hand I got the button of her trousers completely undone, freeing her. She lifted at her hips, pushing her pants further down. I continue sucking on her hard cock, sneaking my hand inside her clothes. Beneath her boxers I found her slick, so much so that her short hairs and outer lips were coded in her wet juice. I inhaled the heavy aroma of her cunt, then I played with her wetness, teasing and stroking her with a light touch. Then with the back of my fingers, I nudged and prodded her with my knuckles and took her deep into my mouth and back out again and again. Her secret held tightly behind her lips all night, must've been more than enough to arouse her to such state.
Kenrya: The feel of her silky drawers rubbing against her ass and pussy lips the entire evening, bringing her closer and closer to climax as the night wore on had made her delirious with want. I curl my fingers over her mound, spreading her lips slightly. She spread her legs wide giving me more room to slip inside. Her hips thrust into my touch pushing her cock deep into my throat. Any further and I might gag but she felt so good and smooth inside me, I didn't dare stop. I slipped a finger into her, her lips partying easily for me. Her breath huffed in and out and short choppy guffs, clouding the windows. She could try to hold off her climax as much as she wanted, but I wanted to feel her clench tight around my fingers and her hips bucking wildly. I wanted her to cum, and I knew exactly how to get her off.
Kenrya: I thrust inside her drenched cunt. Two fingers then three. She coded my fingers with each pulse inside of her. She threw her head back against the headrest grunts and a grown rising from her throat. Her sounds roar and unrestrained kept me pumping inside of her into her cry of pleasure echo throughout the hot dank car. Thumbing her clit and slipping a fourth finger insider resulted in an immediate release. She gripped my ass as her orgasm took her again. Her cunt gushed warm sat from her pussy all over my hand. "Stacey, baby, oh." She jerked as my fingertips massage the plush center of her G-spot and a come-hither flick of my fingertips.
Kenrya: She writhed beneath me so hard I banged into the steering wheel, my elbow hitting the horn and startling us boat. I let out a garbled shriek, then immediately burst out laughing her cock sliding from my mouth. Viv's booming laughter rolled off her tongue interspersed with heavy breathing. Her body shook beneath me, shaking me as well. My hands flew to my mouth, trying to stifle my laughter, but there was no reigning it in. Vivian reclined with one arm, cradling her head and the other hand tracing a line over my ear to my jaw. Even in the dark her face was bright with an ear-to-ear smile. She tried to catch her breath, sweat beads breaking out over her upper lip as I straddled her lap, pushing my high crotch into her. Hmm, I leaned in for a kiss, letting her taste herself on my mouth. Her tongue wrestled with mine, pushing and fluttering inside my mouth. Hmm, she groaned blowing over my lips. I've been waiting all night for some time alone with you.
Erica: Okay y'all, so welcome back. Damn, I just realized all I do is say, "Okay, y'all so," that's my-
Kenrya: That's your thing.
Erica: Now that we've been doing like Instagram videos [crosstalk 00:14:46] and stuff. I say, "Okay y'all so," and I realized that I say that because the caption thing that we use edits it to, okay also. Anyway, okay y'all, so welcome back. That was “Parking” by K.A. Smith, which was written in 2014. This is a short story, but we had to condense it in order to kind of not have y'all sit in listening for-
Kenrya: The whole time.
Erica: The whole time. Just a little, I don't know why I want to say non sequitur, what is wrong with me today? We're recording a little later than normal and I don't have any alcohol. I was thinking I was going to have a glass of champagne or something tonight.
Kenrya: No. Are you're off meds?
Erica: I've been off meds since Saturday.
Kenrya: Okay. Nevermind.
Erica: Yeah. Okay. Anyway, so a little summary.
Kenrya: Bitch, wait I had a dream I was drinking last night. No, you know I haven't had a drink in ...
Erica: I know, so why are you dreaming about drinking?
Kenrya: I don't know, I mean I ain't drinking like that.
Erica: Oh, you were like drinking, drinking.
Kenrya: I mean not like drunk, but enjoying an alcoholic beverage and talking to my friends, which is not a thing I do.
Erica: I realized today was the day that I got the call that it was cancer. And so I was like, a bitch deserves a little some something.
Kenrya: With your dinner.
Erica: But I want a big nasty burger.
Kenrya: Enjoy it.
Erica: Okay. We are going to tell the summary of the story, a good summation of the story. Long story short, this story is about two women. They've been together for a really long time. They go out one night to, I guess it's some fancy event. And fancy event is over, they're coming back, pulling up at the crib and it's like, "Ooh, let's get in, I'm trying to get out this girdle" But old girl's wife was like, "Uh-uh, you're going to get out this girdle, but we're going to get out of it together in the car."
Kenrya: Yeah, the throwback situation.
Erica: Yeah. And, okay, like I said, one of the things I loved about this is because it reminded me of going to fancy events for work and stuff. And literally I didn't do a lot of that with my husband, but I definitely with my girlfriends or dates or whatever. And I always remember leaving and being in an elevator with some random white couple, random person, with like one shoe off, my gut hanging over my Spanx, like, woo. I mean, you look at some other woman who was like, she'll put together and she's like, "Girl, me too."
Kenrya: There's solidarity in that moment.
Erica: It is. You know what? It is like that whole like. One of my things that I've loved lately is on TikToK. There's this audio and it's like, "Girl, I got to go, I'm doing hot girl shit."
Kenrya: Is that the one where she had her grandma doing the hot girl shit? Oh.
Erica: No. This one is just like women and they're like, "Girl, I got to go. I'm doing hot girl shit." And then it cuts to Megan Thee Stallion Girls in the Hood, "fuck being good, I'm a bad bitch." But then it was women doing like, taking off their bra. It's like, "Girl, I got to go. I'm doing hot girl." Bitch, that's why you got to follow.
Kenrya: I know I've seen that sound but the ones that I saw was like, it was one with a family dancing.
Erica: I literally sent you one.
Kenrya: There was one.
Erica: No, I literally sent you one. I literally sent you one because it was like, girl, I got to go, I'm doing hot girl shit. And it cuts to the chick and she's in the mirror popping ingrown hair in her bikini. And I'm like-
Kenrya: It me.
Erica: Yes, this is hot girl shit. I love it because it's always like some oddly specific thing-
Kenrya: The ring is really true.
Erica: ... that all women do. And that I'm like, the whole going to a gala, coming home and being like, "Ooh."
Kenrya: Get up and shit.
Erica: Let me uncase this sausage from this little brain.
Kenrya: Listen, I got to say, 2020, obviously dumpster fire, lit on fire with kerosene and whatever accelerator you can think of. But it's also the year that I may have given up bras almost entirely forever.
Erica: Bitch, bras and draws.
Kenrya: Oh yeah, now I haven't worn underwear…
Erica: I wear men's boxer briefs around the house. They're my pajama pants and my pajama bottoms or whatever. I've started just wearing them out.
Kenrya: Okay. That's [inaudible 00:20:12].
Erica: I mean, oh, no, no, not like out out, but I've worn them out under clothes occasionally, if I'm running to the grocery store and I have on a thin, I have various joggers. I might have one under joggers and I'm just like, "Erica, this is not bad bitch."
Kenrya: I mean, who cares?
Erica: But they're so comfy. So yeah, I can't even imagine going back to life.
Kenrya: I just don't, I mean life, yes sure, but not life that involves restrictive underclothing. I just don't want to do it. And yo, I wore that sheer shirt for our live show and I had to wear a bra, because I had to put the girls somewhere. And the first bra I put on, girl, it barely covered the nipple. I've gained so much weight and my titties have gotten so much bigger. And I literally laughed because the bra was laughing at me.
Erica: All you could do is just laugh this shit out like you know what. I haven't seen “WALL-E,” but the one thing that I know about “WALL-E” is that the humans in that movie, that Disney movie “WALL-E.” The humans in the movie they're all like blobs in chairs, in hovers scooters or something, because they can't move, because they literally just sit around. And I kind of feel like that's me because I'm not moving as much as I should be. And so I had my foot surgery and so I got my left monkey paw taken care of.
Erica: I'm in bed doing, not crunches but leg lifts and that kind of stuff. And not even from, I need to look good because I feel like we're all going to come out of this and just be happy we look. And then we're like, girl, that dent in your ass from sitting [inaudible 00:22:21].
Kenrya: Look good.
Erica: You look good [inaudible 00:22:24]. I mean, I think we're all coming out, are going to come out of this, just happy we made it. I don't feel like there's this-
Kenrya: Good, no pleasure, no.
Erica: ... crazy need to like ... I mean, this is me now. I'm like, later on. But right now I don't feel there's this crazy need to look a particular way. I'm so thankful. I'm so focused on the experiences and what's going to happen. And so I'm like, "Bitch, my body needs to be healthy, so I can walk to this secluded ass beach and lay out for a day." That's how my brain is thinking.
Kenrya: That's true.
Erica: I don't know how we got here.
Kenrya: We're talking about undergarments and the fact that they are-
Kenrya: ... restrictive tools of the patriarchy that are meant to-
Erica: Tools of the patriarchy.
Kenrya: Yeah, they force us into thinking that the way that our things stay on their own is not okay.
Erica: The things be thanging. I have a good amount of pasties to cover up my-
Kenrya: Well, also you don't have to wear bras anymore.
Erica: That's it. You don't need to.
Kenrya: Well, yes, this is true, but also your titties don't hang down in the way that mine do anymore. But I've also just decided I don't care. I mean, I had a bunch of doctor's appointments yesterday, did I wear a bra? I might've worn a sports bra. I've also gotten some really comfortable sports bras that I wear when I walk or whatever. And so sometimes if I feel so inclined, yesterday I had to do an EKG. I had to do all this stuff, so I was having to constantly take off my clothes. And so I was like, "I'd rather not have my nipples out and flinging around everywhere." So I'll choose a sports bra, which at least feels a little bit less restricted but underwear, no.
Erica: I generally wear sports bras to bed because I had my incident with-
Kenrya: Moving around.
Erica: ... titty moving around, my implant moving around in my chest. I generally wear sports bras to sleep just because am a wild sleeper, I move a lot. And then I wear a sports bra when I'm working out. But during the daytime, that's when I'm letting it loose. And out of this winter, so you can't like I'm wearing something heavy, so you can't see. Bitch, free the titty. Free tit. Okay. Speaking of underpinnings and things under your body, under your clothing. One of the big things that was great in this story was how I don't even remember the characters names. Oh my goodness. How the characters surprise Viv and Stacey. Okay, so Viv was a partner with the surprise. Stacey was the one narrating the story.
Erica: And so Viv surprised Stacey with a special surprise in her underpinning. She was wearing a strap the whole night, and then Stacey realized that once they got home, well, once they got parked and started their whole process. And I was like, "Oh, this is great."
Kenrya: It's like on Twitter when you open for a surprise.
Kenrya: I was like, "Hey, surprise."
Erica: Hey, open for a surprise. And I love it because it took like just the basic night and then turned it ... At that point I could just only imagine Stacey like, "Oh, shit." And went back to various points in the night knowing that Viv had this surprise for her. Oh, I love it. That was my chef's kiss. Do you think, have you done any little surprises like that throughout the night or?
Kenrya: Oh, I have. But I mean it's like lingerie that was unexpected, that kind of thing. So some with the nipples out of it or that kind of thing or crotchless or whatever. So that like once we got alone and that may not have ... they may or not have been back into a home. There was a little surprise to reveal that I was hiding all night. And what I like about it is it makes ... for me it tunes me into my own sexuality and my own feelings kind of way, so I'm bothered by the time it's already.
Erica: So by the time ... so he might even notice because he's like, "Damn, what's wrong with your [crosstalk 00:27:03]."
Kenrya: Yeah. Y'all sliding round and shit. Yeah. Also it's not just a surprise for my partner's surprise, it's cool for me too. How about you?
Erica: Yeah. With me it's really hard. I hate surprises because I like to know everything. I want to know all that's going on, I want to know what's coming around the corner. But I love giving surprises, but I'm also really horribly giving surprises because it's like, I want you to have the joy. I need you to experience this joy now. I told my brother today like, "You want to know what I got you for Christmas?" He was like, "No." I said, "Well, I'm going to show you." He was like, "No." So I did not.
Erica: It took a lot, I didn't do it. Okay. Shit. Anyway-
Kenrya: No, we've been having the same struggle on the scene. He's like, "Well, just tell me one thing and then I'll tell you one thing." And I'm like, "I like to be surprised, so no. Thanks." I literally did not, but he just wants to know so bad.
Erica: Oh, okay. My problem is I'll do something like that and then-
Kenrya: Maybe later regret it.
Erica: ... literally come out the bathroom and be like, "I ain't got on draws." Well, I mean, which is still great. I mean, well, first you're going to have no bras. Okay, whatever. But it still works because I might say it as we're walking out the door. So now you got to think about it with me. I'm like, "Okay, I got this surprise. We got this surprise. So what we going to do with it later on?" I have done that. One time, oh God, damn, sorry, I have first 48 on, and they are molly whopping the shit out of this girl.
Kenrya: Are they in Cleveland? You know they be in Cleveland.
Erica: Anyway, you know what actually, I think it is. I am almost positive, it's like a bar fight, not a bar fight, it's a club fight.
Kenrya: Very often that is how they are.
Erica: And I'm almost positive this is Cleveland.
Kenrya: It's like Cleveland, Miami police.
Erica: Yeah, Cleveland police. Yeah, Cleveland. Anyway, so one time I was out with this guy and we were, and I had bought some lingerie and so I found that different guys that I've dated have different lingerie styles. Some be like, "No, fuck it. I don't like lingerie." There was this one guy I was with who like, you know how you would see lingerie, Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie and be like, "Who the fuck would wear this shit?" He liked that.
Kenrya: I don't care.
Erica: He likes the nastier the fucking better. He wants skank. He wants like whole freak, nasty lingerie. And that just wasn't my style, but he liked it, so I buy it, well, he buy it and I wear. Anyway, so one night we were out, we were meeting for drinks or something then going to go back to the hotel and fuck. He texts me and says, "Hey, I'm pulling up. I'm in a hotel lobby." And as he walks in, I text him a link to lingerie that I had on which didn't look like-
Kenrya: Like you had, right.
Erica: Yeah. Anyway, he was like, "What's this?" And I was like, "I'll be wearing that," or something like that. And so he came in and I was in a dress and then he looked and was like, "Oh, okay." And then we were meeting people-
Kenrya: That's cute.
Erica: ... so that was fun and cute little thing to ... Because again, I want people ... I need to be like, "What you doing? You like it? You like it?" Kenrya is laughing because she knows this is exactly how I am. I was literally texting her pictures of the gift that I got her daughter for Christmas, because I'm so excited.
Kenrya: That's true.
Erica: Anyway, so yeah, I love the idea of that silent surprise and the strap was that. I'm going to try to discuss this in a non-problematic way and I will. And look, y'all ain't going to be crucifying my ass or I'm going to my edit this out if it is problematic. But anyway, during our live show we had a VIP experience for some of our very important listeners. And during the VIP experience, we did this game where we were talking about pervatables and we had people find stuff around the house. The judge was one of our play cousins, well, not even one of our play cousins of the show-
Kenrya: The play cousin of the show.
Erica: ... our only play cousin of the show. The play cousin of the show. And someone had pervatable that had a phallic object.
Kenrya: I don't know which one you're talking about, I think there was more than one.
Erica: It was ice cream scooper or whatever.
Kenrya: Oh yeah.
Erica: And so the [inaudible 00:32:48] shows like, look, I'm a lesbian, but I still appreciate it. And I was like, "Thank you for saying that.” And I think another ... We had a guy on that was just like, "Ooh, I didn't think about that." And so I liked the idea of how the strap was a part of the story, because it's like, just because you're ... and this is where I'm trying not to sound problematic, so stop me Kenrya, do this. But I think it was great to show in the story that just because they're two women that don't mean they don't want to like fuck a hole, right?
Kenrya: Yes. I mean, I will say of course the flip side of that is that very often people think that the only way that people without penises can have sex is to introduce a fake one, right. But that doesn't mean that having that be a part of your toolbox means that that's the only thing that you like, right. It was cool to see in this case, and it was not what they always use, right, and the way that they always see it.
Erica: And I was about to say, I feel like it was great because it seemed like it was a surprise like, "Ooh, we doing this today because we don't necessarily always do that." And also like, again, just because you're lesbian don't mean you hate dicks, like no, a lot of times dick is good, it's the person being attached to the motherfucker that's a problem.
Kenrya: Yeah. And I mean they treated the strap really in the same way that a dildo would be treated in some other story with a straight couple or whatever, it was a tool. And it was fun and it was a surprise, but it wasn't like this is the only way that we know how to get off. This is a way that we add something different in this moment to the way that we have sex, and that was pretty fucking cool.
Erica: Yeah, I liked it, I thought it was dope. And again, I loved the little sexy surprise, just like, hmm, hmm, hmm. And so kind of the main idea of this story is that this was a couple that had been together for a long time and they wanted to spice things up and do something a little different. So not only was the, "Hey, we're going to park. Hey, I'm going to hide my strap under my clothes and surprise you with it." Because they could have did that at home. They also decided to park. Did they park in front of the house or was it a few doors down?
Kenrya: In front of the house, yeah.
Erica: Okay. In my mind it was a few doors down but now I'm like-
Kenrya: It was something they had just like-
Erica: But I'm like, "Niggas don't park in front of their neighbor's house to fuck." Anyway, yeah. They decided to spice things up and I thought that was really great of Viv to think of, okay, how are we going to make this feel a little special, a little different.
Kenrya: A little risqué, add a little bit of, oh, we could get caught in here, because ain't nobody catching you in your own bedroom, little extra.
Erica: Your kids, but yeah. Talk about a cock blocker, but yeah. And I think that we ... Let's be honest, no matter how much you love your partner, shit get old after a while, it can. And so I think that I'm going to say, yeah, things can get old after a while. And so I think it's great to come up with different ways to keep things spicy. And it could be just as simple as like, we always fuck in our bed, let's go fuck in the front, on the couch. I thought that was super sexy for her to pull out the fancy car and park in front of the neighbor's house, not in front of the neighbor's house, but in my mind is in front of the neighbor's house.
Kenrya: Even if it had been in their driveway or any of that. I mean, it's just fun. I don't like to use the word, old, I like to use the word routine. I feel like it's a little bit more accurate, right?
Erica: Yeah. Because you can be with somebody for three months and the shit get-
Kenrya: Right, because you find ways that both of you come and then you just go straight to those and there's no mixing it up and whatever. And I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing the ways that work because a good ... we can both get off in 10 minutes has a very good place in your arsenal.
Erica: Yeah. Again, I don't need you fucking my brains out.
Kenrya: I don't want it actually. That's not for me because I get sore.
Erica: These tissues are delicate.
Kenrya: And they are. But yeah, like you said, a change of location can mean a lot of things, a very small variance in a position can also really change things up. All of the little tiny changes that can change the way that you relate to your person that makes it go from feeling routine to feeling really cool and new.
Erica: And I think that making use of what you got and what's around the house.
Erica: I think, especially-
Erica: What did you say? Pervatables. Did we talk about pervatables? We talked about pervatables in some show.
Kenrya: We talked about it on episode seven, [inaudible 00:38:27].
Erica: Yes. Okay. So we don't have to give the glossary again. Go back to episode seven to learn about pervatables. But yeah, I think that especially now where we're living in the age of COVID, we're living in a panoramic, I keep referring to it as a panoramic now. Now that we're living in panoramic where it's a lot more difficult, so you can't go out to the club. Because one of my favorite things to do with the partner is go out, get drunk, come home. And I mean, not that drunk is a part of it. Go out, have a good time, party and then come home and be like, "I'm going to tear that shit up." On the way home flirting, giving head in the car, that kind of thing. And because we can't do it now and I'm like, I got partners to do this with. But because we can't do it now, I feel like there probably is some routine in sex. Do you feel like your sex has become routine because of the panoramic or do you think that because you're home more, y'all got more time to like really-
Kenrya: I don't actually think we have more time because there's a kid here all the time, so no. And I don't think it's ... no, I don't. I do think that we've gotten better at popping in for the quickie. I think our first year maybe he had more to prove, and so we was having. You know what I mean? And I-
Erica: He was like, I got to imprint on this pussy.
Kenrya: Listen, I don't have to. We got a long time, we can, you know; for example, over last weekend, we went a couple of times in a day and they weren't long sessions, but God, it was just so good. And it wasn't anything extra special or out of the ordinary necessarily. It's just really nice to connect in that way, even when shit is shitty around. But no, I wouldn't say it's become routine. It's just still fun. I hope it stays forever.
Erica: Okay. All right. We'll have to pose that question. I mean, I think we've gotten a few live questions from our listeners in our grab bags and stuff about that, but I'd like to hear if people feel like being at home in this pandemic has been helpful or a little more challenging on the sex that they have with their partner.
Kenrya: Yeah, it has given us less time. I'm thinking about it, it used to be ... Sometimes we would have an afternoon session while my daughter was at school. We would have lunch and we'd have sex on the couch. We don't get to do that anymore because class is in my office.
Erica: Yeah. And I'm also thinking like, we're at home all the time, so now I see that you chew with your mouth open or-
Kenrya: Oh, no.
Erica: ... more, something like that.
Kenrya: But yeah, I bet you there are people who are a little disgusted. Like, "Nigga, oh, so you clip your toenails every time you watch this TV show. Can you do that in that room?"
Erica: Again, TikToK. Is it TikTok or Instagram? There was something that was dating before the world. It's like trying to find a cuddle buddy before we go into the second wave or into this next thing. And it's like, my name is so-and-so, these are my shows, this is how I chew. Give me the basics. Let's see if we can make it to March together.
Kenrya: Yeah, that's real.
Erica: It's the ghetto. You don't have to be happy that you're not slumming, Kenrya. You don't have to slum like us.
Kenrya: I am, I am very happy I'm fucked up on that front. This has been a beautiful thing actually being in a good relationship during the panny.
Erica: Yeah. Because honey I'm just out here just-
Erica: Yeah, damn. And the thing is like, I have a bubble, but it would be like ... This vaccine needs to come and it needs to come quick and need to like ... I was reading somewhere that we're not going to get ... they don't think we'll have a significant amount of folks vaccinated till summer.
Kenrya: Late summer, yeah, that's what I read too. That's going to be a while. And y'all we’re recording this in December.
Erica: It has been this way since March.
Erica: Okay. There were probably a lot of people in winter of 2019 that was like, "Hey, I got to get me a cuddle buddy to make it through the winter." I'm like two of them motherfuckers. I should have been thinking.
Kenrya: No, because then you could've ended up like one of these motherfuckers writing into The Read talking about, “So should I break up with this nigga now or later?” You're stuck with somebody awful, because you didn't want to be alone.
Erica: Woo. Yeah, you're preaching a word. Okay. When you're together for a while, and kind of touch on this with our guests that we have next week. But sometimes you got to be reminded of things. You lose sight of the fact that you got a bad bitch, you got a bad nigga. And I like that Viv was like, "Come on, Stacey boo. Don't forget this is some hard shit." I wanted to know with you Kenrya. I mean, I know you and your partner, maybe this is your bad, this situation. But think dig deep back about like, how have you reminded your partners in the past of like, "Oh, don't forget, you got a bad bitch." And sometimes it might be unappreciative and other times it might be like they know it and they just, like need to.
Kenrya: I don't know. I mean, I'll be honest. I don't know if in somebody's past relationships if I always remembered that myself. And then I think, and I mean I can think in some, especially after my career started kind of taking off, sometimes it'd be like events, being with them and being able to see on their face as they're watching me sign books or talk to strangers or whatever, where they're like, "Oh, I got a bad bitch." But it wasn't necessarily that I said anything. It was just that they were in an environment that reminded them that I am not just the person that's at the house with them all the time.
Erica: Yeah, I clearly remember. And I clearly remember sitting in marriage counseling, shouting at my ex-husband, "I am a bad bitch. Do you know? I'm a bad bitch." And I think it was more me realizing, remembering it, and then being like, wait-
Kenrya: “I am.”
Erica: ... I forgot this shit and you need to remember this too. But I definitely remember, I clearly remember, I can see the therapist face as I like, I think I was standing up shouting, "I am a bad bitch. You don't know what you're fucking with." Because I think also when you're ... at least for me, especially in my marriage, I got kind of, I lost myself, I lost my shine. I was just so caught up in being a wife and being a mom and all of that, that I forgot that be out and work a room, and I lost my own shine. And so that period where I was shouting to him, "I'm a bad bitch." He was also shouting to me like, "Bitch, have you forgotten?"
Kenrya: I think that is a thing that can happen. I definitely think it happened with me, but I think it was more intentional because I was married to a man who very clearly was-
Kenrya: Yes. And so if things didn't revolve around him, then it was like, let me shit on all of this. For me it was very much this situation where he was only comfortable if my light was under a bushel basket. And so I made myself very small for a while in order to dim that so that he could feel better. It wasn't until I realized what the fuck was going on and that I was out. And then all the time what he would say was, "I don't even know you anymore." And I were like, "Because I'm back to myself nigga. Go away."
Erica: Oh, that's it, that, “Yeah, I don't even know you anymore.”
Kenrya: I used to laugh that he said that. We used to call me Kenrya 2.0 or some shit at that point.
Erica: And you know what, I think that, yeah, I'm not the same person. You might not know me, but we didn't grow together. You weren't there from the growth from Kenrya to Kenrya 2.0. And so I totally, oh yeah, I know I'm not nigga. And you don't want me to be the same.
Kenrya: And I definitely don't want to be.
Erica: I think that there's a lot of growth that happens in life. And in my mind what makes a relationship magical is that you grow together. I don't think you should still be the same person. We were talking to a group of girlfriends and they were talking about shared values with the partner because we have a number of girlfriends that are married to men that are much younger than them. And one of them was like, "He could be so different in a million ways but we shared values. Because then we know what we're working towards." And so I think when you have that shared value, then all the other stuff changes, but the DNA of what the two of you are and what the two of you want and are working for stays the same. And I think what happened in my marriage is that we didn't have shared values. We had shared surface shit. And so as the surface shit started wearing away, then he was a diamond, I'm an emerald, we stare at each other like, "Nigga, I thought we was rocks."
Kenrya: That's real, and that's also accurate.
Erica: Yeah. But I mean, here's the rocks and diamonds and emeralds, so yeah. And I don't mean that we're all not gems, it just means we ain't-
Kenrya: The same kind of gem.
Erica: We ain't the same kind, we ain't going towards it, working towards the same goal, so yeah. Whew, that bad bitch, that took me back to a very specific place where I reclaimed my power as a woman.
Kenrya: How much longer was it that you cut your hair after that conversation?
Erica: You said that really shadily, but yeah.
Kenrya: I'm just wondering.
Erica: It was probably right around that time. It was either right before or right after. You know what, I think it was right after, because I remember name redacted, therapist's name redacted looking at me like, girl. Because yeah, I mean I think you just ... Oh, you got me going down the rabbit hole.
Kenrya: Thinking about all the ways that we contort ourselves for these niggas.
Erica: Yeah. I changed so much of who I was in an effort to go along, to get along, to be in a relationship, and I didn't even need to do all that. I shouldn't have been doing all that…
Kenrya: Yeah but hindsight is 20/20
Erica: And then I woke up one morning and it was like, I am this dusty bitch because I have been literally trying to force myself into this dusty bitch bin. And I came out that bitch and was like, "I'm a bad bitch. I am a bad bitch."
Kenrya: And you are.
Erica: Yeah. I'm very proud of myself for claiming my bad bitchiness. Okay. Also, before we get into what's turning us on, we are going to pay some bills and we'll be right back.
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Erica: What's turning us on this week, harkens back to our very first episode titled, “What, What, in the Butt.”
Kenrya: You just scared somebody I'm certain of it. Somebody was listening to this and making dinner.
Erica: And their kid walked past like, "What are you talking about?" Okay. This week what's turning us on is an anal trainer set. It's a five-piece master anal trainer set, so Kenrya it's all you.
Kenrya: For those of us who have anal sex with folks who are a little bit more well-endowed, you can't always just slip it in your butt.
Erica: Yeah. If you're putting a-
Kenrya: Or anything.
Erica: Yeah, I'm like, I don't even want to say-
Kenrya: Yeah, it can be a strap that is on the larger side.
Erica: If you are dealing with a ... not necessarily a wenis, not a stunt strap, but a ...
Kenrya: Which is an important designation, right? Because the first person who I successfully and consistently had anal sex with was just kind of a smedium. And so we could just slip it on in and have a good time and it was—whatever, that's not my current situation. And so I-
Erica: I love how nice you are about explaining the fact that your partner has a big dick.
Kenrya: Yeah, I try to just ... he don't care.
Erica: I'm here for that. I'm here to say that part.
Kenrya: And so I prepare when we know that this is something that we want to do next week or whatever. I used to have a set of these that I ordered and didn't realize. Okay, so there's five pieces, as he said, and they graduate in size. The first one, the little one is about a little bit bigger than my thumb at its widest part. And so I used to have a set of these that I didn't realize until I got them because I ordered them that was hard plastic. Please don't ever use hard plastic trainers. It's incredibly uncomfortable. I’m sure it stretches things out, but it's not a comfortable way of doing it and there are much better tools out there.
Kenrya: And so we actually came upon this silicone version of it while we were on vacation and we went to a sex shop, because why not? But also my boo was very frugal and did not feel like that was how much we should pay for these. And so then we ...
Erica: “Goddam that's a lot of money!”
Kenrya: Then we found them online for cheaper and bought them after our vacation.
Erica: I can't.
Kenrya: Yes. Basically what you do is ... everybody's schedule is different, but what I found is that if I start with the smallest one, let's say on Monday, I wear it for ... I don't know, long enough to masturbate or you can wear it while you do something, while you read a chapter out of a book or while you clean the house or whatever. They have a flanged edge, so they cannot get lost up inside, of course, as we always remind y'all.
Erica: Please don't let them get lost inside.
Kenrya: Usually I find that I can move from the first one to the second one the first day. And then every day, every two days you can graduate up to a new size until you get all the way up to the big boy, which I have actually not used.
Erica: Damn that's big. Wait.
Erica: I was like-
Kenrya: This is the one before it for comparison.
Erica: We're talking and I got my head down and I'm looking at something and I look up and the big one is, that's a mighty meat eater.
Kenrya: And they're just long enough so that you can practice getting past both of your sphincters, but not so long that if you're trying to do activities while they're in to get yourself stretched out that it's not uncomfortable and hard to move around or anything like that. They're super soft and pliable like incredibly so. And you just stick it up there and leave it up there. And then they also are good for just using them during play. If you are having sex, vaginal sex, but you also like to have a little backdoor action going at the same time, you can pop one of these in there just like a butt plug and use it at the same time. So you make your own DP situation.
Erica: Jesus Christ, that large one is large and in charge.
Kenrya: Yeah, I have not made my way up there.
Erica: Because, okay, so as we can see, this is a Killa activity, and that she's the one that-
Kenrya: That this is what’s turning me on.
Erica: ... pick this one. Yeah. She has experience with that. And so I saw the link, it's a cute little set. And I was like, "Oh, I might have to get this," that last…
Kenrya: Nobody says you have to get to the last one.
Erica: That's for special people.
Kenrya: You can get quite [crosstalk 00:58:58].
Erica: But I mean like now ... But I've seen a big one, I'm like, “Challenge!”
Erica: Okay, well.
Kenrya: The best-
Erica: That was the good one.
Kenrya: ... [crosstalk 00:59:11] this week.
Erica: All righty. Well, that sums that up. That sums up this week's episode of The Turn On. It is Erica and Kenrya, two hoes making it clap. I was trying to do a song so we could clap together-
Kenrya: We did clap together.
Erica: ... but obviously.
Kenrya: We didn't?
Erica: No, we didn't.
Kenrya: Oh, I was silly, let me put my arms down.
Erica: Yeah, put your arms down. All right, that's [inaudible 00:59:44].
Kenrya: Yo. All right, y'all.
Erica: ...before, I forgot I had it, just was looking for something to put on. Look at you. All right y'all, peace out. Peace, fish, hair grease, bye.
Kenrya: Fried fish.
Erica: Oh, no. Bye.
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Now you can support The Turn On and get off. Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app, then drop us a five-star review and you'll be entered to win something, that's turning us on. Just post your review and email us a screenshot at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com to enter. Our Patreon page is also live. Become a supporter today and you'll gain access to lots of goodies, including The Turn On BookC and two for one raffle entries. And don't forget to send us your book recommendations, and your sex and related questions. And follow us on Twitter at @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram at @TheTurnOnPodcast. You can find links to books, merch, transcripts, guest info and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you soon. Bye!
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.